DWP! Year In Review - May to August

Posted by Brandon |



  • Teatro - This is my favorite post that I ever wrote that didn't get any comments.
  • I moved...posts about moving here, here and here.

  • Mantastic Coffee - "if you were to open an espresso stand and staff it with a bunch of hot, charming, gay men wearing nothing but a Speedo or some hot pants, OH MY GOD, the old ladies would sign over their social security checks on a daily basis."
  • They Just Needed To Sleep It Off - My favorite criminals of the year.
  • You Know You Live In Edmonds When... - "But I never did understand why the Norfolk Daily News headline the next morning read 'Bourbon Brandon's Police Car Joyride Ends At Town Square'."

Tomorrow, the rest of the year.

It's been an unbelievable year here at the worldwide Down With Pants! headquarters. I don't know how to wrap it up other than to take a look back...


  • My Last Non-Daddy DWP! Blog Post - "I'm really, really excited. I just cleaned the entire house not only because the parents are coming, but because I don't want our baby to come home to squalor. Since this is a little sudden and early, I had nothing ready. Yes, I began nesting at around noon today. The daddy hormones are off the charts."


  • Brooks. Best Meal Ever? - "Best restaurant between Los Angeles and San Francisco? Maybe. Best restaurant between Tijuana and Vancouver? But seriously, I don't want to over hype it."


  • FU & THNX CS&TL RIF - I got RIF'd and it turned out that they did me a favor. Thanks again Coffee Bean!
  • I Heart Daddy - So I poop all over him!
  • The Easter Ham Story - "Jesus, as you can imagine, was not pleased. In his deepest, darkest, foulest voice, he bellowed, "silly Jews, I am back. And guess what? We're eating pork, bitches!" And Jesus started flying through the air shooting whole hams from his hands like lightning bolts at all of the Jews."


  • My Thighs! My Thighs! - Who knew that a post about Pauly Bleeker and thigh friction would become one of my most Googled posts?
  • Dear Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA - Easily the highlight of my blogging year. Check out the last comment on this post. I have it on good authority that it's legit.

Tomorrow, May through August


Merry Christmas Everybody!

Posted by Brandon |


I'm Over The Snow

Posted by Brandon |

The above picture by fuzzirella (stolen from Flickr) just about sums up my feelings on Snowmagedden 2008. It was pretty for a little bit and I'll admit that taking the body board and sledding down the hill in front of our house was pretty fun, but I haven't left downtown Edmonds since last Monday and it's starting to drive me crazy. Luckily we have a supermarket and restaurants and shopping within a couple blocks so I'm not completely cutoff from the outside world, although the stroller didn't make it out of the driveway today so going out with Addie didn't happen.

We've got seven inches on the ground, and though that doesn't sound like much to many people, you wouldn't believe how it shuts down an entire region when we aren't equipped for this kind of weather. Major roads are starting to get cleared off, but many of the side streets are still so bad that chains are required for anything less than 4WD. We're supposed to go to Olympia tomorrow night for Christmas but my parents have 18 inches on the ground and their driveway (it's up a hill and into the woods) was impassable for normal vehicles today. There was a bit of a melt today, but we're supposed to get more snow tomorrow night, possibly 1-3 inches right around 5:00 or 6:00 PM. Great!

Look, I love living in Seattle but I was going through my pictures on Flickr and found this one from Christmas Eve last year...

I'm not saying that I want to be back in California again and being with family at Christmas is wonderful, but it does look pretty good, doesn't it? On the beach with perfectly clear weather on Christmas Eve, what's not to like about that? Death?, pregnant as could be, even waded out into the ocean a little bit that day. It was an awesome day all around.

We're a long ways from that here in downtown Edmonds, though if this stuff melts off quickly, it might look like an ocean in my neighborhood.


My New Favorite Radio Show

Posted by Brandon |

I hate to admit that The Stranger turned me on to something, but after reading their article about the radio show Too Beautiful To Live on Seattle radio station KIRO 97.3FM, I was intrigued. Since then, I've listened to every show and dug into the archives a little bit and I can definitively say that it's my new favorite piece of radio to listen to. Yes, you can count me as one of the tens.

How can I not love a radio show that constantly quotes The Big Lebowski? If I were more talented and could do a radio show five days a week for three hours a night, this is the show that I'd do and I think it's the show that a lot of you would do as well. It's a bunch of pop culture and a bunch of bullshitting. It's perfect for all of us thirty-something blogger nerds.

The clincher for me came last night when host Luke Burbank (an occasional guest on my other favorite radio show, Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me) proclaimed his hatred of the movie Crash. Oh god, don't even get me started on that steaming pile of shit that somehow won Best Picture in 2006, I couldn't hate that movie any more than I already do. So to hear somebody finally say it out loud on the radio, it was actually kind of thrilling. I still hear people fawn all over that pathetic waste of celluloid and I lose almost all respect for them.

Anyway, if you want to check it out, and I suggest that you do, head on over to their website and listen to a handful of episodes. I think you'll like it.


Top Chef Recap **SPOILER ALERT**

Posted by Brandon |

I have one word to describe this episode....Titacular.

Good god Natasha Richardson! Tuck those things in. And with all of her tans lines, she looked like an 70's or 80's era Playboy model (NSFW). I once read somewhere that strippers used to do the tan line thing so that when they got naked and you saw the difference between their normal bits and their naughty bits, it made it even more exciting because guys really thought they were seeing something they shouldn't be seeing. That's kind of how I felt about Natasha Richardson tonight, though I just found it distracting and a little strange as opposed to exciting. Not that she's not attractive, but it was just out of place...

My other word for tonight is...suckfest.

What a disaster some of that food was. Deviled eggs? I love deviled eggs, but even I can make deviled eggs and I'm sure I could spice them up with some little fancy ingredients in a few minutes. The only way she could've won me over with that dish is if one of her secret ingredients was Baconnaise and she made it with that.

And miss bangs - whatever her name is - how is she still there? I'm starting to think that she's the first episode fall guy (I have a theory that they throw out a sacrificial lamb for the first episode just to go down in flames and spare one of the good chefs the indignity) that got lucky even though she has no taste and can't cook.

I want to think that Gene is just going through a rough patch and he'll turn it around pretty soon, but I'm starting to think his restaurant learnin' is going to kill him. On Top Chef, you can't do some of the restaurant tricks that easily slide by novice eaters like cornstarch in a stew or salvaging shitty rice. Those are the kind of things that make restaurant owners love you but makes Martha Stewart cringe.

I'm glad they didn't kick anybody off and I'm really looking forward to the next episode where they are all let loose in the kitchen to do whatever they want. That should be interesting.

And can I tell you how happy I am that Martha Stewart was only on for a few minutes? Thank god.

Screencap of Natasha Richardson's boobies stolen from Adoring Natasha

Is anybody else really offended by this this Arby's commercial?

Seriously, I'm totally offended. Why would I go to Arby's for a fucking chicken sandwich? Umm...hello...you're all about weird Boooooiiiinnnngggg worthy roast beef.



Posted by Brandon |

I only had a couple of pages left in the book that I was reading late last night, so despite being awfully tired, I decided to head into the office and our big overstuffed chair to wrap it up.

On the very last page of the book, I nodded off. I dreamt of two things: First, the last page taunting me, belittling me, begging me to read it and I, petrified, couldn't do it. Then, I dreamt of unbelievable pain, a pain that just wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. Again I was petrified, completely unable to do anything about anything in my dream.

I awoke hours later - 3:00 AM to be exact - balled up in the chair, the last page of the book inches from my face, and my teeth clamped down almost as hard as they could on my tongue.


Snow Day!

Posted by Brandon |


Top Chef Recap ***SPOILER ALERT***

Posted by Brandon |

So the big news today in the Down With Pants! household is that we have cable and not a day too soon. I got to watch the Gonzaga Bulldogs lay the hammer down on Washington State in basketball tonight and then we sat down to enjoy Top Chef, in real time for once. We bought the season series from iTunes before we decided to get cable so we were watching it a day later and I had to avoid all the blogs the next day that talked about it. Now I wish I could get a refund for that iTunes purchase, oh well.

Anyway, to this point I can't say that I have a favorite. Death? is kind of pulling for Eugene, mainly because he's Hawaiian. Fabio is growing on me despite the fact that I didn't want to like him because I kind of know him from the interwebs already. About a year ago, he joined Yelp and rubbed a lot of the Ventura County Yelpers, including myself, the wrong way with some of his reviews and weird promoting of his restaurant and whatnot. Whatever, I think it was all a misunderstanding anyway and gradually he's winning me over.

And I can't really say I dislike anybody either. Stefan seems like a dick and Carla is strange. That whole "Hootie, Hoo" thing tonight was too much. You know those couples that people can't stand to be around because they share their personal language and inside jokes too freely with you or they don't know they are doing it? Yeah, that's Carla with her "Hootie, Hoo." But even those two I don't dislike necessarily. Stefan fulfills the arrogant almost villain role nicely and Carla seems to be genuinely nice and pleasant.

This week's show was probably one of the most predictable episodes of Top Chef that I've seen, until the very end. Eugene had barely been mentioned in any of the other episodes - last week he was on screen for maybe 20 seconds - so you knew right away when he was getting a lot of airtime, he was bound to either win big or be on the bottom. And then Daniel, Carla and him started making their food and it was pretty obvious which team would lose.

But what I didn't see coming was Daniel getting kicked off because he opened his big fat New York mouth and said too much. By all rights, Eugene should've been the one gone because it was his idea and he messed up the most, but Daniel stood up for the dish when nobody in their right mind would, and at that point, they had to show him the door. If he would've said, "I didn't think it was good" or nothing at all, he'd still be there.

I take it back, I did see that coming. All the New Yawka guys on the show eventually get the boot because they said something stupid. It's basically become a Top Chef tradition.


Blog Culture Box Wednesday: The F#@king Economy

Posted by Brandon |

If it's hard to ready, click image to bigify

Thanks to Jonathan, Suebob, Dave and Becky for their responses. I think I touched a nerve with this one - sorry Dave!

Now it's your turn. Please feel free to leave your answers in the comments...
  1. If you were given a $700 billion bailout, what would you do first?
  2. How will the Big 3 CEO's get to Washington next?
  3. What's your fallback career - Stripper, sign twirler or professional blogger?
  4. Finish this sentence: My 401K...
And as always, if you'd like to participate, leave me a comment and let me know.

UPDATE - I just realized that my answer to the CEO's question doesn't make any sense. I'm too tired to fix it, so it'll just have to go on making me sound stupid.


I Miss Ponch

Posted by Brandon |

You know one thing I miss about California? Sure, the weather, but also this...

Fucking Ponch selling hellholes! (click here, here, here and here for old Estrada posts)

So the question is, when the cable gets turned on at my house, will Erik Estrada come with it? Do they show these infomercials in Washington? Do they even show them in California anymore?

I certainly hope so, because I can't get enough of this guy's taught neck waddle.


Quick Baby Mama Review

Posted by Brandon |

Um...I did not sign up for heartwarming, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. The trailers made me expect raunchy, stupid, silly and probably just plain wrong. Too bad every single part of the movie that was all of these things I had seen before...in the trailers. Seriously, I've never been so disappointed by being happy for characters and not being grossed out as I was watching Baby Mama.


The Cable Returns

Posted by Brandon |

Four months of living without cable is coming to an end next week. Yes, we finally gave in and decided to hook up the old boob tube despite trying to talk a big game about how evil television is. Who are we kidding? We like TV and even though the majority of it is mind numbing crap, there are some good things to watch.

Example - one of the biggest reasons we broke down is because we get really bad reception on our rabbit ears here and we don't get a PBS station right now. So, no Sesame Street for Addie in the morning. Addie loves puppets. In particular, the puppets on one of her Baby Einstein videos and almost any of the puppets on The Muppet show, which I'm more than happy to show her. I think Sesame Street and Big Bird and Cookie Monster and...oh boy...El-frigging-mo are going to be right up her alley.

By the way, I caught one episode of Sesame Street recently and I was amazed at how much Elmo has taken over that show. I haven't seen Sesame Street since Elmo became popular so I had no idea. I think the Elmo's World segment lasted a good 20 minutes. For anybody that watches Sesame Street with any regularity: is that normal? Does Elmo own Sesame Street now? If so, I'm not looking forward to it at all.

Anyway, we also miss shows like Top Chef and Project Runway and Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs and I miss watching Sportscenter every morning. The Soup will once again become regular viewing and I'll watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report in real time instead of days later on the computer. These are all good things. But what I need to do to, and it's been one of the hardest things for me to do with TV, is to just turn it off when there is nothing on that I want to watch instead of flipping around and just watching something.

I think these four months have taught me how to do that. I used to leave the TV on all the time as background noise even if I wasn't really watching it. Now, especially with Addie, it's a distraction and there are better things to have on as background noise than the TV. I've got an iPod full of music just begging to be listened to.

So wish me luck as we venture back into television. Is there anything that I've missed over the last four months that I need to check out?


It's An Edmonds Kind of T-Shirt

Posted by Brandon |

Hey, I created my first t-shirt on Zazzle! More to come later...

make custom gifts at Zazzle

UPDATE: Zazzle is acting stupid as I post this, so if it comes up blank, I'll fix it in the morning. If not, enjoy!


Good Reads

Posted by Brandon |

Recently, I've started reading at an unusual (for me) pace. The lack of cable and frequent trips to the library with Addie are making it happen. Here are just a couple things I was thinking about tonight as I read...

  • I just finished Marc Acito's How I Paid For College. Though it's written like a high school theater geek would write and that occasionally annoyed me, it's still very funny and very fun and if you are looking for something light and high school-y, I recommend it.
  • Death? is currently reading the Twilight series and she said the same thing about it's writing. But in the end, both of us enjoyed the story enough to look past that occasional annoyance.
  • I read the sequel to How I Paid For College - Attack of the Theater People - first without knowing it was a sequel. It's also a lot of fun, but it would've been better had I read the first book. Although, I don't know, maybe it would've been a letdown.
  • Dave Zirin has quickly become my favorite sportswriter. The People's History of Sports in the United States is a fascinating look at how closely politics and sports are and have always been connected. And if you think sports is just fun and games, you have been thinking wrong. This book will seriously open your eyes.
  • I think for the first time the Civil Rights Movement really hit home for me while reading The People's History. I knew a lot about it, but it was never put into a context time wise that I could really visualize. To put it into a sports context brought it home to me and made me completely realize how it didn't take place eons ago like it seems to me but just years before my birth. These horrible, terrible things were still being done in my parents lifetime and even into mine. Also, it's hard to imagine a time when athletes were politically involved in a good way, but it did happen. Anyway, what a fascinating book.
  • I finally got around to reading Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. I always thought that Fear and Loathing would be a glorification of drugs, so I was not prepared for how in the end it turns out to be a indictment of and a eulogy for the 60's drug culture.
  • I also watched the movie, and the only thing that I thought the movie lost was that feeling that this book and Thompson's experiences were really about the destruction of an era.
  • People kept trying to add me as a friend on Goodreads.com and I ignored it because I didn't feel like updating yet another review site. But I need somewhere to document these books I'm reading so I've got my account going again and if you want to add me, please do.
  • Two books that I kind of hope will be made into movies: How I Paid For College and Coupland's All Families Are Psychotic. All Families Are Psychotic is already basically a screenplay.
  • Oh, and in case you are wondering, I have not read the Twilight series and for now, I'm avoiding them. I don't want to get sucked in.

FYI - No Blog Culture Box this week. Since I took a few days off from blogging, I don't want my blog to become nothing but Blog Culture Boxes, so we'll space it out a bit this week. Plus, I have put no thought into it at all and I usually get it done on Tuesday.


My Mishmash Saturday

Posted by Brandon |

I know everybody loves these weekend recap type posts, soooooo heeeeerrrre we go...

Saturday, in particular was quite the mishmash of activities. It started with Addie and I going to the University of Washington vs. the University of Pacific men's basketball game. UW won handily, 72-54, but more importantly, Addie had a great time. On Friday, we went to the women's basketball game and I discovered that she would put up with it enough to take her again on Saturday to the men's game. She watched a little bit of the basketball, watched all the videos on the scoreboard, liked the cheerleader's pom-poms and just about freaked out a couple times when she saw the mascot Harry - she actually got to meet Harry after the game and didn't like him as much up close. She did poop out by the end, in fact, at the end of both games she got super tired and restless and hard to handle and when we got in the car, she crashed hard. But I learned that it's possible for me to take her to basketball games, just difficult, because I can't do anything like go to the bathroom, have something to eat or concentrate on the game when I'm with her by myself.

After basketball and a quick stop at Taco Bell (I know, but I was so hungry and it's the only drive-thru on the drive home), we came home and met up with Death? and her friend in downtown Edmonds for the Edmonds Christmas tree lighting just after they saw a matinee of Twilight, so of course they couldn't shut up about it (kidding Death?). We saw Santa momentarily, heard some middle school jazz choir sing some carols and saw them light the skinny ass and less than impressive tree. In future years Addie will be all about the downtown tree lighting so now we know what to expect.

Then it was off to Seattle for one of the best Seattle Thanksgiving traditions, Taj Mahal at Jazz Alley. For that last ten years or so, The Taj Mahal Trio plays two sets a night all week leading up to Thanksgiving and the weekend following. This is the third time we've seen him over Thanksgiving, though we'd have probably gone every year if we wouldn't have moved to California. He's one of the greatest bluesmen alive and always puts on an amazing show and if you don't know him, here's one of his best songs...

Following an amazing, beautiful, romantic, fun show by Taj Mahal, what could we do to finish the night off and make it any more perfect? How about watching Pink Flamingos! I'd never seen Pink Flamingos, I'd only heard about it, but nothing that I heard could possibly prepare me for just how obscene Pink Flamingos is. Holy shit! John Waters is sick...awesomely sick. I don't even know what else to say about it other than....Whoa! That is one fucked up movie.

So basketball, tacos, Christmas, blues music and asshole contortions. Now that's my kind of Saturday.


Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Thanksgiving

Posted by Brandon |

If it's hard to read, click on the image to bigify

Thanks to Howard, Sizzle, Dave2 and Michelle for participating!

What about you? Please leave your answers in the comments...
  1. What's a little known fact about Pilgrims?
  2. White or dark meat?
  3. Finish this senence: Gravy goes good on....
  4. What's one thing you are thankful for this year?
And if you'd like to participate, please let me know.

Hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving!


Work, Or The Lack Thereof

Posted by Brandon |

We've been thinking recently that maybe it would be good to get Addie into a daycare so that she can be around other little kids. Being home all day with daddy is great, but she needs some socialization. An hour here and there of baby story time just doesn't cut it. There is a particularly good one close to Death?'s work that her co-workers use and love and we'd probably both feel comfortable sending her there.

Of course, that means that daddy would need to reenter the job market to help pay for the daycare and because, simply, that I would have nothing productive to do all day if I'm not watching her. While I'd like that for about a week, I'd be pretty bored after too much longer.

Problem is, I have no idea what I want to do. I've been scouring the Craigslist listings and whatnot and nothing at all has jumped out at me. We're not in any kind of rush to get me working, so I have the luxury of taking my time and finding something that is a good fit, but what's a good fit?

My last few jobs have been in the e-Commerce field - customer service, shipping, warehouse, etc. - and while I've enjoyed those jobs, it's not what I ever really wanted to do. My "career" just kind of evolved from a job that I took when I moved to Seattle. So while I'm most qualified to work in that field, I don't really know if I want to.

What I'd most like to do is work in sports or write, but each of those has problems of their own. Sports, generally, is a massive time committment for very little pay. That was the problem when I decided against a job that would've given me an office in Husky Stadium at the University of Washington. I'm not a fresh out of college kid anymore. I can't take a job that pays nothing and live at the ballpark all season long anymore. I'm not willing to give up that kind of time with Addie.

And don't even get me started with writing. First of all, I'm not that good of a writer, so finding a writing job would be hard anyway. But with newspapers failing and the few paying blogging jobs paying peanuts, there really isn't much of a market for writers right now.

Then there's the problem of having a boss. Though my last boss was great, and really all of my bosses have been great, I don't know if I can take directions from anybody anymore. Being my own boss since April has kind of spoiled me. Not taking directions from the higher ups has been amazing. Not dealing with office politics and people's bullcrap all day....so great. (Though, my current boss - Addie - has been the toughest boss of all time, and I have to deal with her crap constantly.)

And honestly, I don't know if I can deal with the prospect of worrying about my job all the time. I have been laid off far too many times and I just don't know if I want to set myself up for yet another layoff. I'm seriously starting to get gunshy about this. With the economy like it is, I've heard of a lot of people losing their jobs lately just in the blogosphere or at least companies that people I read work for. It's not fun getting yourself entrenched in a job and then having it pulled out from under you without much warning. Trust me, I know.

So what the heck am I going to do? Perhaps I should go back to school, become a student. That's kind of like having a job. But what the heck would I study? That's a whole 'nother post in itself. I have no idea.

Luckily, like I said, I have the luxury of taking my time. Addie will be fine without going to daycare and I love being a stay-at-home daddy so it's not like I have to make a decision or settle on something I'm not excited about, but it would be nice to know what I should be looking for even. It would make it all a lot easier and a lot less confusing.


We're Ready For The Apple Cup

Posted by Brandon |

Today is the annual game between the University of Washington Huskies and the Washington State Cougars - better known as The Apple Cup. Unfortunately, this season, it's being referred to as The Rotten Apple Cup or, so I just read, The Crapple Cup, since this is a football game between two of the most pathetic football teams in the country. Rivals.com has done a great job putting it into perspective...

"• The teams are a combined 1-20 overall and 0-15 in the Pac-10. The only win was Washington State's 48-9 victory over Portland State on Sept. 20. Portland State is 3-7 as a member of the Football Championship Subdivision (i.e., Division I-AA).

• Of the 120 Football Bowl Subdivision (i.e., Division I-A) teams, Washington ranks 118th in total offense, 118th in scoring offense, 111th in total defense and 117th in scoring defense. Washington State ranks 119th in total offense, 119th in scoring offense, 113th in total defense and 119th in scoring defense. Washington is 117th in turnover margin, Washington State is last.

• Washington has been outscored by an average of 26 points per game. Its shining moment was a near-upset of then-No. 15 BYU. Washington lost 28-27 when quarterback Jake Locker was flagged for a questionable 15-yard unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty on a late touchdown run. BYU blocked the ensuing 35-yard extra-point attempt.

• Washington State has lost every Pac-10 game by at least 25 points. That includes three shutouts and two more games where the Cougars' only score was a field goal. The defense has been just as bad. Washington State has allowed at least 60 points in four Pac-10 games this year and went through a four-game stretch where it allowed at least 58 points in each game.

• Washington State has allowed a Pac-10 record 533 points this season. With two games left, it's likely the Cougars will break the dubious FBS record of 566 points allowed, held by Eastern Michigan's 2002 team.

• Washington is facing its first winless season since 1890. The Huskies played one game that year – a scoreless tie at Washington College.

• Never before has there been a Pac-10 game between teams with at least 10 losses."

Wow. Even I didn't realize it was that bad. But I'll still be watching. In fact, this might be one of the most competitive, interesting, fun games to watch in Apple Cup history. Nobody wants to lose this stinker and cement themselves as the worst team in the history of the game. It might be an all our war.

Or it might be the greatest stinker of all time. A 2-0 final score wouldn't really be much of a surprise.

Anyway....Go Dawgs!


Thrift Store Fail

Posted by Brandon |

The pride and joy of the Value Village chain - Edmonds, Washington.


Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Vampires

Posted by Brandon |

Better late than never, right? But Vampires are so in right now, I had to get this one done.

Thanks to Justin, Tori, B.E. Earl and Poppy for participating.

What about you? Feel free to answer in the comments...

  1. Favorite Vampire...The Count from Sesame Street, Count Dracula or Count Chocula?
  2. Which do you prefer - to bite or to be bitten?
  3. What's the best way to kill a Vampire?
  4. Finish the sentence, "I vant to suck your...."

As always, if you'd like to participate, let me know.


From The DWP! Archives: I'm Magic

Posted by Brandon |

Did you know that I'm magic? Check it out...

Friday morning I brought a Diet Cherry Coke with me to work. I drank a little bit more than half of it before setting it on my workstation and forgetting about it. We had a leak in the roof above our area and had to move a bunch of boxes around so that our building manager could figure out the problem.

While moving these boxes I must have bumped my workstation ever so slightly and knocked my soda over. I went to the restroom and did some other work and about half an hour later I returned to my workstation and was stopped dead in my tracks by what I found...

Completely freaked out I ran into the other room and yelled at my coworkers to come see what I found. Everybody accused me of setting it up and didn't believe that it could just happen randomly.

Of course this phenomenon is easily explained. But before you start spouting off some kind of scientific crap about center of gravity and whatnot, let me set you straight. It obviously was Magic. I must be magic. There really is no other explanation. These powers that I possess are strong. So you'd best not cross me or else you might find yourself a victim of my magic just like this can of Diet Cherry Coke.


Ask The Pantless Pontificate

Posted by Brandon |

I'm really just a wannabe advice columnist. I don't know why I haven't pursued my true calling a long time ago. Kind of stupid, don't you think. I could be giving Dear Abby a run for her money by now.

I did, a few years ago, attempt to become an advice columnist with my occasional feature "Ask The Pantsless Pontificate". I don't know why I ever stopped.

So here's your chance to get some top notch advice, free of charge. All you have to do is submit your question below and I will be answering questions later in the week. You can remain anonymous, if you like, or you can give me your name or whatever. If you wish to remain anonymous, use my email address (downwithpants@gmail.com) in the email portion of the form...

E-mail Address: *
Question *

* RequiredCreate Email Forms

I can't promise that it will be great or helpful advice, but I can promise that I'll listen and tell you what I think. And isn't that all that we really need sometimes?

So please, ask away! Anything goes.


Mama Maria Kenya - 3rd Annual Benefit Auction

Posted by Brandon |

What an inspiring evening we had last night at the 3rd Annual Benefit Auction for Mama Maria Kenya! I can't thank them enough for putting on such a great event and for all the work that Peter Kithene and the Mama Maria crew are doing bringing essential medical care to the the people of rural Kenya.

Peter was named a CNN Global Hero Medical Marvel award winner earlier this year. Please watch this video to learn more about this amazing man and Mama Maria Kenya...

And thank you to Yelp for getting involved with and promoting such a great charity. Without Yelp, who gave us free tickets to the event, we may have never heard about Mama Maria Kenya. But after last night, my wife - who is in medicine herself and knows lots and lots of people with interests in international medicine, including herself - and I will more than likely continue to be involved in one way or another and we hope to be able to attend the event again next year.

We won one of the items that we bid on in the silent auction, we also purchased a soccer ball to go to the children in Muhuru Bay and a couple of pieces of clothing and we won a gift basket as a consolation prize for the 50/50 drawing that we entered. We wished we could've bid on a couple of the items in the live auction - especially the two week trip to Kenya to see the Mama Maria Kenya clinic and go on safari for a few days that, I think, ended up going for $2,500 - a steal if you ask me. But we couldn't quite swing it this year, maybe sometime in the future.

The dinner portion of the evening was delicious and might've been worth the price alone ($80 per plate). Maya Soleil played some Afro-World music after the live auction and led us all in some African aerobics out on the dance floor. You should've seen your boy Brandon breaking it down! I can really dance when all I have to do is mimic the person on stage.

It really was inspiring to hear about the selfless work that Peter and Mama Maria Kenya are doing, and encouraging to see so many people so passionate and so willing to open up their pocketbooks to support their work.

This sounds really stupid, but earlier in the day, after a trip to Alderwood Mall, I was bemoaning the state of the American people. I had been so optimistic about America the last few weeks until my trip to the mall made me question that optimism. The worst of the worst of American values are on display at a mall in the suburbs on a Saturday. But then I went to this benefit and my optimism returned. These people didn't have to give money to a clinic in rural Africa, they wanted to and for no other reason than it was the right thing to do.

So thanks again to Peter, his wife Katrina and Mama Maria, thanks to Yelp for getting involved, and thanks to all of the donors who made the night successful.


The Fatty and Four Eyes Sports Report

Posted by Brandon |

My actual real life friend, John, wants to join the blogosphere and start a sports blog with me. We talked about it a little bit tonight and decided we're going to do it, so now we need a name. In a flash of memory and brilliance, I know exactly where we need to go with this.

It was anywhere from 1998-2001, not sure exactly when, we were at the Tacoma Dome for a Tacoma Sabercats hockey game. There was a fight, there were some penalties, there was some other ugliness and all that other good stuff that goes along with hockey and it all had to do with one player. So being the fine upstanding young men that we were, and probably fueled by a little bit of alcohol, we decided to head down to where the players from the opposing team came out of their locker room and do a little spirited heckling of the offending player.

So as he came back to the ice, we gave him the business as any good hockey fan should. As he came closer and closer, he locked eyes with us, listening to every word we said. As he passed us, he came up with this very clever and witty retort said in an unmistakable Russian accent:

"Shut up Fatty and four eyes"

It definitely shut us up...until we starting laughing our asses off. Fatty and four eyes? Oh, it was too perfect. He couldn't have described us better. Zing!

So there you go. Our blog has to incorporate the infamous Fatty and Four Eyes slam into the title. It's a sign from Don Cherry himself.

What I still don't understand is this...his name was something really Canadian like Matthew Campbell. Fucker was definitely not Russian. Son of a bitch wasn't even French Canadian let alone Russian. Where did that accent come from anyway?

On another note: I miss the Tacoma Sabercats. I think I'll wear my badass 'Cats jersey tomorrow.

UPDATE 11/21 - Shut Up Fatty and Four Eyes is a go!


Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Bond, James Bond

Posted by Brandon |

Thanks to Dan, Susannah, Grant and Matthew for answering my 007 questions this week.

What about you...
  1. Connery, Moore, Brosnan or Craig?
  2. If you were a Bond babe, what would your name be?
  3. "Now put your clothes back on, and I'll buy you a...."
  4. How do you take your martini?
Feel free to leave your answers in the comments.

And if you are interested in taking part in Blog Culture Box Wednesday, leave me a comment and let me know.


Yelp Likes Me, They Really Like Me

Posted by Brandon |

If I do all this blogging and writing for just one thing, I'd have to say it's for the recognition. Not for the friends that I've made or the cheap, super fun hobby it has provided me over the years or just having somewhere to vent and let myself go. Nope, I like awards.

So imagine how happy this made me this morning....

Yep, your boy Brandon is Seattle Yelp's Review Of The Day! How you like me now? Here's my winning review of Paseo...

I really didn't think that Paseo would live up the lofty hype that it has garnered or the expectations that I have put on a sandwich that many claim is the best in the entire country. I really didn't. I've even kind of written off the Fremont location because I didn't want to stand in line for a very long time with the possibility of great disappointment.

But when I heard about the Paseo opening in Ballard, I decided that the time was finally right to give it a go. Opening day would be an event, the lines probably wouldn't be longer than a few minutes, and if I was disappointed, my investment wouldn't be that great.

Now, after my first Paseo experience, my mind is racing trying to find excuses to drive from Edmonds into Fremont or Ballard just to pick me up some delicious pork-y goodness...

"Hey, that's my old dentist. I should go back to him."
"The baby loves the ducks at Golden Gardens."
"79 cent avocados at Top Banana!"
"Gas at Safeway is $3.96"
"Perhaps Centerfolds needs a bear."

So, as you can tell, I loved my pork sandwich. So incredibly tasty. And I have waged a lifetime war against the evils of the onion. I frigging hate onions! But the caramelized sweet onions they use had me gobbling up the ones that fell off my sandwich and onto the paper. That is so against my beliefs and character, I don't totally feel like myself today.

But I do agree with Bella S., the scallops are delicious on their own, but their flavor gets lost amidst all the other good stuff on the sandwich. I'll stick with the basics next time.

Perhaps my excuse to get back down into Ballard should just simply be "ME NEED PORK...ME NEED PORK" Yeah, that sounds good.

To celebrate, I think I might have lunch there today. Anybody in Seattle want to join me?


Hired For Her Boobs, Not Her Attention To Details

Posted by Brandon |

Almost every single Monday night, on my way to soccer, I drive by the corner of 212th and Highway 99. On that corner sits Urban Blend Espresso, a drive up espresso stand that proudly features girls in bikinis - just one of the many sexpresso stands in town - it's all the rage here in the suburbs of Seattle.

And every single Monday night I have noticed that whichever bikini clad babe that closes up the place always leaves the "Open" sign on. It hasn't been off on a Monday night for eight or nine weeks now.

Perhaps I'm expecting a little too much out of a barista in a swimsuit?

Or maybe I have been missing out on "Urban Blends Espresso: After Hours" this whole time? It is on Aurora after all.


My Ikea Weekend

Posted by Brandon |

My whole weekend, basically, was spent Ikea-ing.

On Saturday, we left for Ikea at 10 AM and didn't get back to our house until around 3 PM. That's actually not that bad for a trip to Ikea for us. When we first moved to California, we easily spent five hours in the Burkbank Ikea trying to figure out what to do with our apartment. But we had a plan this time and got it done in decent time.

Too bad we couldn't get everything we wanted in the car. After dropping mommy, Addie and all the crap off at home - 26 miles from the closest Ikea - I had to go back. I left at 4:00 and got home at around 7:30. We then built all the stuff we bought until after 1 AM. Oh yeah, we know how to party.

But it was all worth it because the Down With Pants! worldwide headquarters got a major upgrade...

The old computer room/office/junk room/secret lair is now starting to look like just a computer room/office/secret lair. It's not all put together or organized and the rest of the room is still messy, but it's starting to come along, finally, just four months after we moved in.

So here's to blogging in style and comfort! Cheers! Now I'm sure this blog will take off across the internets. Yeah, the old crappy desk must've been the problem.

BLOG CULTURE BOXERS NEEDED - I need two more people for this week's Blog Culture Box. If you are interested in participating this week or any future weeks, please leave me a comment. Thanks!


An In-Depth Indiana Jones Film Review

Posted by Brandon |


The Crystal Skull ends with a damn wedding? Indiana Jones gets married?! Fuck you George Lucas. Fuck. You.



Posted by Brandon |

The plan tonight was to go to a college basketball game at the University of Washington between the Huskies and Western Washington. Game started at 7:00, Death? got home at a little after 6:00 so we hightailed it out of the house very hopeful and confident that we'd make it there on time. But rain and traffic and traffic caused by rain meant that we pulled into the parking lot five minutes after tip off and we were both already a little pissed off and a little bit stressed out. Still, after some debate, we decided to go to the game anyway, so we parked, got Addie bundled up and set off on the long, rainy walk between the parking lot and Hec Edmundson Pavilion still confident that we'd get to see most of the game.

Once we got to the arena and turned the corner to where the ticket booths are, it was already 7:15, and much to our surprise, there was a line that stretched all the way across the plaza just to purchase tickets. Ugh. But we were there already, we might as well stay the course and go along with the plan. Another ten minutes passed and we barely moved - thanks UW for opening all of two ticket windows tonight! We didn't expect to get into the game by halftime at the rate it was going, so wet, cold, stressed out, pissed off and pretty much done with the whole thing, we decided to bail out and head back to the car. Things had not worked out and the evening had come to a screeching, disappointing halt. We both were in foul moods and the night threatened to careen into some very bad places.

Addie was hungry and needed to nurse, so once we got back to the car, she sat up front with us and did her thing. Throughout the whole evening to that point, she was a trooper - she loved the rain and the crowds and the whole ordeal. But in the car, she absolutely lit up, sitting in the front seat watching the rain fall on the car, wiping her hand on the fogged up windows, playing with the steering wheel and virtually every other button on the dashboard. She had a blast just sitting in the front seat of our car in a parking lot at the University of Washington on a nasty, rainy, windy night. And all of the frustration, stress, and moodiness that had consumed us minutes before, washed away. We too were having a blast right along with her in that parking lot.

When we finally decided it was time to go, we put her in her car seat and within minutes, she was out, sound asleep and perfectly peaceful. We hightailed it up to Dick's, enjoyed a Dick's Deluxe, fries and a chocolate shake in the comfort of our front seat while we listened to a fascinating author talk about his book about politics and sports on KUOW (A People's History of Sports in the United States by Dave Zirin) and after getting an extra Dick's Special to top it all off and still with a conked out little girl in the backseat, we finally headed for home.

A few minutes into our drive, I looked over at Death? and said exactly what we both had been thinking despite still being a little bit wet, a little bit cold, having our plan go haywire and having seen no basketball, "that turned out to be a really fun evening, anyway."


Blog Culture Box: Election Day Special Edition

Posted by Brandon |

If it's hard to read, click box to bigify

Thanks to Avitable, luna_x, The Fella and Kim for their wonderful answers.

What about you? Feel free to answer these questions in the comments...

If McCain wins I'm....
If Obama wins I'm....
Sarah Palin makes me...
Give me one bold election day prediction.



Posted by Brandon |

Please, for the love of God, get out and vote tomorrow.

I want you to vote for Obama, I want you to vote for Chris Gregoire for Washington governor and I want you to vote No on California Prop 8, but who am I to tell you what to do. If you still need convincing on Obama, please watch Colin Powell's endorsement of Obama...

It doesn't get much more convincing than that. Listen to Colin Powell, please vote Obama tomorrow.


Lazy Meme Thursday: Who and Why?

Posted by Brandon |

I'm stealing this little meme from RW....

List your Presidential votes, or non-votes, the candidate's party, explain why you voted that way in no more than four words, and list the guy who eventually won....

1996 - Bill Clinton (Democrat) - I dig his style - Clinton
2000 - Ralph Nader (Green) - Washington was solidly Democrat - Bush
2004 - John Kerry (Democrat) - Bush sucks so much - Bush
2008 - Barack Obama (Democrat) - Calm, cool, smart, ears - ???

So I'm one for three so far. A cool .333 batting average and a hall of fame candidate in baseball, fuck all in politics.

Two of my presidential votes don't make me very happy. I was in college in 2000 and Nader was a nice little fuck you to some people and since Washington was solidly Democrat, I was safe with that vote. But his insistence to keep going is pissing me off and I have to think that my vote in 2000 had something to do with it.

And though I voted for him, I never really liked Kerry and RW is right, we wouldn't be in that much better of a position with him in office than we are now. But I would never vote for Bush and I wasn't about to vote third party in such an important election.

I've been alive for 31 years now and for only 11 of those years has there been a Democrat in the White House - Carter and Clinton. That has to change. For God's sake, get out and vote on Tuesday and please vote Obama. You know it's the right thing to do.

I am Culture Kills Lion's fantasy football bitch.

If it's hard to read, click the box to bigify

Thanks to Hilly, Cissa, Chris and Tracy for participating. And I decided that since it is my blog, I should include myself. What the heck.

What about you? Are you a steroid popping, homerun hitting, totally mental nut scratcher? I really want to know.

And if you'd like to participate in a future edition of the Blog Culture Box, please leave me a comment saying so.


DWP! Fantasy Football League 2008 - Week 8

Posted by Brandon |

I am Culture Kills Lion's fantasy football bitch.

Things are getting interesting in the DWP! Fantasy Football League. The top four teams still remain, but there is a big jam up right behind them and people are starting to feel the pressure. Controversy ensues. So on to the the week 8 scores...

Pumpkin Discargers (6-2) - 95 - Drew Brees - 31 points
Honea Express (1-7) - 68 - Eli Manning - 13 points

Pumpkin Discharger's Drew Brees and LaDainian Tomlinson go to London and put up a combined 53 points to give the Honea Express their seventh straight loss. Poor Whit.

Culture Kills Lions (4-4) - 105 - Peyton Manning - 22 points
Down With Pants! (3-5) - 80 - Jason Campbell - 17 points

I actually led going into Monday night, if you can believe it. But Peyton Manning and LenDale White scored 35 points for Culture Kills Lions and dashed my hopes of getting to a respectable 4-4.

Hut Hut Oz (6-2) - 100 - Steve Smith - 23 points
Stop The Clocks (5-3) - 62 - Frank Gore - 15 points

Steve Smith scored 23 and Dallas Clark had 21 to lead Hut Hut Oz over Stop The Clocks in the week's biggest game. Stop The Clocks drops to fourth place while Hut Hut Oz is now tied for second.

Kapgar's Crusaders (8-0) - 99 - Santana Moss - 26 points
CineRobots (2-6) - 59 - Jackson/Slaton - 12 points

Like me, CineRobots knows the pain of an underacheiving Ben Roethlisberger. He's killing us right now. Kapgar keeps rolling despite a lot of players missing on their bye week. 26 points from Santana Moss and another 19 Matt Ryan sure do help.

RW's Cranky Bastards (4-4) - 93 - Kurt Warner - 25 points
sinkintothepacific (4-4) - 67 - Kevin Walter - 19 points

Who, other than RW, knew that Kurt Warner would be such a stud this year? Another 25 point Warner outing leads RW to a rather easy win over sinkintopacific. Both now sit in the jumble at 4-4.

Warped (4-4) - 97 - Brian Westbrook - 32 points
Snackiesonics (1-7) - 38 - Roddy White - 23 points

Brian Westbrook's broken ribs scored 32 points and almost single handedly beat the unset lineup of the Snackiesonics.

Oooo, do we have a doozie on tap for this weekend. Second place is on the line when Hut Hut Oz and Pumpkin Dischargers line it up. Pumpkin Dischargers will be missing a lot of players including LT and Brees while Hut Hut Oz will be without star wide receiver Steve Smith. Should be an interesting battle.

Honea Express is next in line to try to knock off the might Crusaders. Kapgar will still be without Tony Romo, but his replacements - Orton and Ryan - have both played great. He'll also be without his kicker. The Express will be at full strength.

Here's the schedule for week nine...

Kapgar's Crusaders (1) vs. Honea Express (11)
Hut Hut Oz (2) vs. Pumpkin Dischargers (3)
Stop The Clocks (4) vs. DOWN WITH PANTS! (9)
Culture Kills Lions (5) vs. Warped (7)
RW's Cranky Bastards (6) vs. Snackiesonics (12)
sinkintothepacific (8) vs. CineRobots (10)

Bye teams this week: Carolina, San Diego, New Orleans and San Francisco.


We're Big In Japan

Posted by Brandon |

It was an absolutely beautiful day here today. A little bit on the cold side, but perfectly clear and comfortable for a walk, so Addie and I took a long one around town. We ended up down at the Edmonds waterfront where we walked all the way out to the end of the fishing pier. When we got there, a group of 25-30 Japanese tourists were having themselves a look around. The next thing I know, Addie and I are surrounded by smiling, waving, admiring tourists - we got a heroes welcome. Addie ate it up and put on a little exhibition in smiling and general cuteness and I played along despite feeling like an animal in the zoo.

I'm pretty sure we had our picture taken by a couple people. I love that Addie and I'll be in some Japanese tourist's Seattle photo album. I hope it's a nice one with a Space Needle and a ferry and Pike Place Market on it.

If any other Japanese tour groups would like to see the great white Godzilla and his super adorable baby, please email me and I'd be happy to set up a tour for your group.


I Voted

Posted by Brandon |

The worst part about voting absentee? Not getting an "I Voted" sticker. No wait, it's the not knowing whether or not you messed the thing up and if it will ever be counted. I get nervous whenever I have to fill an absentee ballot out because I want my vote counted, especially this year.

So who and what did I vote for? I vote in California, so I got to vote on a couple of doozies. Here's some highlights...

President - Barack Obama - Duh. To quote Sarah Silverman, "if you vote for McCain, to me you're a shit stain."

California Proposition 2 - Yes - This proposition is all about the chicken. Basically, if passed, chicken farms have to go cage free. I thought that the LA Times had a valid reason to vote no: they said that if passed, it would mean that California would start importing cheaper eggs from other states and that California eggs wouldn't be able to compete. Since I have no loyalty towards California I say hell yeah! Inhumane Washington eggs are going to tear that market up!

California Proposition 3 - Yes - Money for children's hospitals. I voted yes, although I'm tired of all these mooching sick kids already. Kidding.

California Proposition 4 - A big fat fucking NO - "Amends the state Constitution to require a physician to notify a minor patient's parent or other adult family member 48 hours before performing an abortion." A vote yes on this means that you are for pregnant teenage girls going without prenatal care for virtually their entire pregnancy as they hide it from their family, or for them going across the border or getting a back alley abortion somewhere, or their suicide. Plain and simple.

California Proposition 8 - Another big fat fucking NO - This is not how you should start out any proposition: "Eliminates Rights". I will vote no on virtually anything that starts out with "Eliminates Rights". Prop 8 is a constitutional amendment that eliminates the rights of same-sex couples to marry. Uh, No. Not going to happen here. I believe strongly that my gay and lesbian friends are not a second-class group of citizens and that they should have the exact same rights as my hetero ass. The. Exact. Same. Rights. Vote yes on this proposition and you are dead to me. Seriously.

California Propostion 12 - Yes - Damn mooching veterans and their home loans.

I am sad to be missing out on the big Dino Rossi/Chris Gregoire governor bukkake here in Washington, but it's worth it to vote NO on Prop 8 in California. But I strongly encourage Washington voters to keep that slimeball Rossi as far away from Olympia as possible.

So now it's time to starting planning my election night fun. Anybody having a party? I'm planning on getting tanked that night regardless of what happens. It's either hardcore celebration and dancing in the streets or crying in my beer and possible looting. I really don't want to have to turn over a cop car this year. Once is enough.


A Passive Aggressive PSA from Down With Pants!

Posted by Brandon |

Blog Culture Box Wednesday

Posted by Brandon |

If it's hard to read, click box to bigify

Thanks to Kapgar, Jester, Jesse and Whall for their help in the first Blog Culture Box. Sorry to Juanita, I screwed up and had one more person than I needed. We'll get you in next time.

If you would like to participate in the next Blog Culture Box Wednesday, please leave a comment saying you want to play and I'll send you a few questions next week.

What about you? Are you a sexy jackhammering Jordan fan on a schooner? I know you are...


The Sad Life of a Seattle Mariners Fan

Posted by Brandon |

Last night the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays finally finished off the Boston Red Sox for the franchise's first appearance in the World Series. As a fan of all things underdog and because I'm sick of the Boston faithful (they have become worse than Yankee fans), I'm excited to see the Rays and will be rooting for them to beat up on the Philadelphia Phillies when the series starts on Wednesday.

That being said, the Rays appearance in the World Series reminds me that being a Seattle Mariners fan is a really pathetic experience. 31 years of futility, of not even being close to the World Series, and really no hope anytime soon. It's a sad, almost depressing team to support and with the Rays appearance in the World Series, there are now only three Major League Baseball teams that haven't been there: the Texas Rangers, the Washington Nationals (ex-Montreal Expos) and my very own Seattle Mariners. What a joke.

The Mariners debuted in 1977 (coincidentally or not, the year I was born) and went 14 years before posting a winning record and really didn't achieve success until 1995. That was a magical, beautiful season that ended with them basically giving up in the ALCS when they were overmatched by the Cleveland Indians. No World Series for us. Then in 2001, the M's won an MLB record 116 games but lost in the ALCS to the New York Yankees, four games to one. The best team in Mariners history, hell, the winningest team in baseball history and we got nothing to show for it. Since that steroid fueled season, the M's have been ugly and the franchise has seen a massive depletion in talent throughout and it's going to be a long, long time until they are good again.

In the time that the Mariners have been around, five other franchises have come into existence: The Toronto Blue Jays (1977), the Florida Marlins and Colorado Rockies (1993) and the Arizona Diamondbacks and Tampa Bay Devil Rays (1998). And in that time, all of them have appeared in the World Series. In fact, the Diamondbacks have won one World Series and the Blue Jays and the Marlins have each won two. Let me say that again. The Florida Fucking Marlins, A team that has no fans, has the shittiest ballpark in MLB and may cease to exist in a few years have won two World Series. The Mariners...zilch.

The only teams that are even close to the Mariners in patheticness are the Texas Rangers and the Chicago Cubs. The Rangers are so bad that since they were first founded as the Washington Senators in 1961, they have never even won a playoff series. Other than a couple Nolan Ryan no-hitters, they have given their fans nothing to be proud of. I'll have to admit, to be a Rangers fan is probably worse than being a Mariners fan. Even if they were good, you'd still be in Texas, a fate I wouldn't give for any World Series appearances.

And we all know about the Cubs, but at least they have been to a World Series and even won, albeit 100 years ago. Plus there are a ton of other distractions in Chicago to take your mind off of how bad the Cubs are. Here, especially with the failures of the Seahawks and the Huskies and the departure of the Sonics, we don't have much in the way of sports to distract us from the Mariners.

The Mariners are so pathetic, that even when you root for them to do bad, like a lot of us were at the end of this season so that they could get the #1 draft pick next year, they put together some wins to give them the second worst record in the Majors and the #2 pick.

As an M's fan, you can't win. It's impossible. I'm not even totally sure why I continue to try. But they've been my team since I was born, they are my team now and they will always be my team. Some year it will pay off, I hope. But watching putrid franchises like the Colorado Rockies, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins and even, probably before my M's, the Texas Rangers (at least they have some studs now), makes watching the World Series hurt more and more every year.

So enjoy it Tampa Bay fans, even though you just discovered the Major League Baseball team in your backyard, you're now an even less pathetic bunch than we are.


She Left Me For Jesus

Posted by Brandon |

I am Sink Into The Pacific's fantasy football bitch.

I love this song by Hayes Carll, one of my new all-time favorites...



Southern California Edison Is Fucking With Me

Posted by Brandon |

I am Sink Into The Pacific's fantasy football bitch.

Southern California Edison is fucking with me and it's costing them a fortune.

After we moved from Ventura, we paid our last bill in full. All $40 or whatever of it. A couple weeks later we got another bill....for 21 cents. We totally forgot about it and a couple weeks later got a bill for 27 cents. Damn late fees.

So at the beginning of this month, I paid the bill. I wrote a check for 27 fucking cents hoping that we'd never ever ever ever have to hear from Southern California Edison ever again. Stupid bastards.

Yesterday we received what looked like yet another bill from them. Totally exasperated, we opened the envelope up to find out that we overpaid them. We now have a credit with Southern California Edison for six cents. Glory be! But here's the shit, to claim our six cents, we have to mail them back a form and then they will send us a check.

Let's review. They sent me a bill for 21 cents. The postage on that bill was 38 cents. I forgot to pay it so they sent me another bill for 27 cents. The postage on that bill was another 38 cents. I paid their 27 cent bill and affixed postage for 38 cents. They then sent me a credit for six cents paying another 38 cents in postage. To claim my six cents, I have to pay 38 cents in postage and then they'll send me a check in an envelope that need 38 cents of postage.

So if I claim my six cents...

  • Southern California Edison loses $1.46. Yeah, suck on that.
  • I lose 97 cents. Yeah, suck on that.
  • The real winner though - The US Post Office, who makes $2.28
I think I'll do it on sheer principle. I think SoCal Edison deserves to lose $1.46 claiming 21 cents after we thought we had paid off our entire bill. Plus, I come from a long line of postmen so I'm happy to see the Post Office profitting from the greediness and stupidity of corporate America.


DWP! Debate Live Chat

Posted by Brandon |

I am Sink Into The Pacific's fantasy football bitch.

Welcome to the first (and last) Down With Pants! Presidential Debate live chat. It should be self-explanatory. Just put in an alias and start chatting away. Enjoy!

UPDATE - Thanks to everybody who came over and chatted with us tonight. If you would like to read the full archived transcript of the chat, and there were some pretty funny moments, click here.

I only wish I would've done this for the first two debates.


DWP! Fantasy Football 2008 - Week 6

Posted by Brandon |

I am Sink Into The Pacific's fantasy football bitch.

No surprises in week six. All the favored teams picked up wins and now it really feels like there is a big difference between the top three or four teams and everybody else. Anyway, here's the week six scores...

Pumpkin Discargers (5-1) - 79 - Drew Brees - 30 points
CineRobots (1-5) - 73 - Vincent Jackson - 19 points

If it wasn't for an injury to CineRobots' Joseph Addai, we easily could've had the biggest upset of the season. To put it bluntly, Pumpkin Dischargers got very lucky this week. Addai's injury and 30 points out of Drew Brees are the only things that kept him at 5-1. CineRobot got 19 points out of Vincent Jackson on Sunday night to close the gap to only six points.

Stop The Clocks (4-2) - 75 - Andre Johnson - 21 points
Culture Kills Lions (2-4) - 72 - Ronnie Brown - 15 points

Stop The Clocks got double digits from only two players, Andre Johnson (21) and Frank Gore (17) but it turned out to barely be enough to beat Culture Kills Lions 75-72. The Lions were led by Ronnie Brown's 15 points and Patrick Crayton's 14 points. The biggest difference in this game: Who knew Baltimore's defense would get so thoroughly trounced?

Hut Hut Oz (5-1) - 106 - Clinton Portis - 25 points
Snackiesonics (1-5) - 58 - Roddy White - 17 points

Snackiesonics' running backs: 0 points. Hut Hut Oz's running backs: 43 points. 'Nuff said.

Kapgar's Crusaders (6-0) - 86 - Tony Romo - 28 points
Warped (3-3) - 81 - Correll Buckhalter - 23 points

It was much, much closer than Kapgar wanted, but behind 28 points from Tony Romo and 16 from Matt Forte, the Crusaders continue their six game winning streak to start the season. But it came at a price: Tony Romo is out four weeks with a broken finger. Ouch! Warped got 23 points out of mid-week pickup Correll Buckhalter. Nice move.

sinkintothepacific (3-3) - 86 - Aaron Rodgers - 26 points
Down With Pants! (2-4) - 80 - Steve Breaston - 16 points

I should've known that I would lose when I saw that Aaron Rodgers was playing the embarrassingly bad Seattle Seahawks defense. Sure enough, Rodgers scored 26 points and I lost by 23. I just want to thank Snackiesonics for not setting her lineup or picking up players, because if it wasn't for her, my team would be the league's lowest scoring squad. What a joke.

RW's Cranky Bastards (3-3) - 95 - Braylon Edwards - 23 points
Honea Express (1-5) - 63 - Maurice Jones-Drew - 26 points

Braylon Edwards finally came through for RW scoring 23 points to lead the Cranky Bastards to an easy 95-63 victory over Honea Express. Marion Barber contributed 22 points and the surprising Kurt Warner added another 17 to the blowout. The Express got 26 from Maurice Jones-Drew...and that's about it to extend his losing streak to five games.

So RW and Kapgar are facing each other this week and it's a great illustration into why fantasy football can really mess with real life. Both are from Chicago. Kapgar will be playing three Bears against RW, so RW has to root against the Bears players, and probably the Bears themselves, if he wants to win. Kapgar has Adrian Peterson, who is playing the Bears, so he has to root for Peterson to run all over the Bears. How confounding, how confusing, how frustrating, I'm sure.

Best game of the week pits Pumpkin Dischargers against Stop The Clocks. Worst game - DWP! vs. Snackiesonics. Yuck! CineRobots versus Honea Express isn't that much better though

Here's the schedule for week seven...

Kapgar's Crusaders (1) vs. RW's Cranky Bastards (6)
Hut Hut Oz (2) vs. Culture Kills Lions (8)
Pumpkin Dischargers (3) vs. Stop The Clocks (4)
Warped (5) vs. sinkintothepacific (7)
Down With Pants! (9) vs. Snackiesonics (12)
CineRobots (10) vs. Honea Express (11)

Bye teams this week: Atlanta, Philly, Arizona and Jacksonville.