DWP! Confidential

Posted by Brandon |

I have purposely tried to keep this blog somewhat anonymous. In over three years of blogging I have only once revealed my last name. One big reason for this is my career. I'm afraid that eventually, while searching for a job, somebody will come across my blogs and turn me down because of them or my current employer will find it and get all uptight. Not that there is that much for them to get mad about, but still, in this climate of PC you can never be too careful.

But the biggest reason for the anonymity isn't my career. While I don't want to get fired because of my blog, I also don't want to work for a company that would freak out about it, so in a way it's almost a test for my employers.

No the biggest reason for keeping my identity somewhat masked is my wife and her career. As a doctor the stupid things that her spouse spouts off about, however innocuous, could actually come back to bite her at some point. To get her license and whatnot she has to go through extensive background checks and other screenings and it is her fear and my fear that somebody could take exception with something that I have written and make a big deal out of it. It's not unheard of, a woman back east was recently denied a teaching license because of a picture of her drinking on her personal MySpace account.

That is why I have never published much in the way of personal information about her or her actual name or even a picture of her. That is, until today.

Death? has agreed to let me publish one picture of her on here. So without further ado, I give you the very first picture of my wife that has ever graced Down With Pants!...

Didn't I tell you that she is absolutely gorgeous? Now you understand why I love her so.

In case you are curious, I accidentally took this picture at the Angels/Mariners a couple weeks ago. I was trying to take a picture of the both of us by holding the camera out in front but I forgot that I was messing around with the zoom lens minutes earlier and snapped the picture expecting to see me and her smiling back at the camera. It was quite a surprise to see just half of her smile in the review.


Polenta = Masa = Ewww = Sleeping on the Couch

Posted by Brandon |

Tonight I learned an important lesson about married life that never even occurred to me before: Don't not like the dinner that the wife made for you.

But let's back up just a little bit first to understand where I am coming from. A couple years ago we bought a whole bunch of tamales for a Christmas party (the tamale is very popular in this parts for Christmas). We had a few tamales left over after the party so we ate them for a few days afterwards until I ate myself a really, really bad one that made me about as sick as I have ever been. I threw up for two days straight and when I wasn't throwing up I slept. I lost like 10-15 pounds and it took me nearly a week to get my strength back. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life.

To this day I can't eat masa, the corn meal substance that they make tamales out of. Just the sight of it, just the smell of it, just the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Typing this is making me feel ill. Tamales are out of my diet forever, masa shall never pass through these lips again.

Over the past two weeks we have been planning our meals out of a Weight Watchers cookbook that my mom swore by and gave to me while I was home a couple weeks ago. It has a ton of delicious, super easy recipes and we have thoroughly enjoyed every one that we have made so far.

One of the first recipes that caught our attention was a polenta with zucchini, tomatoes and mushrooms dish. It consisted of slicing up a polenta log, lightly pan frying the slices and then smothering it with the cooked vegetables. Simple, easy and yummy.

Or so I thought. It was simple, it was easy, but unfortunately I didn't realize that polenta might as well be the same thing as masa. Same texture, same taste, same smell. I started having post-traumatic flashbacks to my two days with my head in the toilet and just couldn't keep eating. I fought the urge to freak the fuck out, spit it back up and cry and complain. Instead I politely asked Death? if she would like my polenta and left it at that.

Next thing I know I got the old-fashioned wife guilt trip that lasted the rest of the night. I didn't mean for her to take it personally, it's not that she did a bad job of cooking dinner or anything, I just didn't know that polenta would be so damn offensive.

So I guess it comes down to which you think is worse: having the wife mad at you because you didn't like her dinner or living in the bathroom for the next two days.

Lesson learned...next time I guess I'll pick living in the bathroom for a couple days. I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.


Happy Feet is Propaganda

Posted by Brandon |

We just finished watching Happy Feet. What a strange little movie. I think the singing and dancing weirded us out more than anything.

There has been a lot of criticism of Happy Feet by conservatives claiming that it is propaganda for human hating environmentalists. I heard one of the talking heads proclaim that he didn't want his child being brainwashed by the lies of environmentalism by talking penguins.

What a load of crap. Pollution, global warming and the loss of environment for arctic animals is a fact. I just don't understand how anybody can't see this. Maybe if we get through to the kids now they will grow up and try to do something to stop it.

But this film is propaganda, without a doubt, and I'm starting to grow sick and tired of it. It started in March of the Penguins and it is taken to a new level in Happy Feet. Kids are being brainwashed into believing that Leopard Seals are the devil's spawn. They are being taught that they are scary and evil by the anti-Leopard Seal gestapo and it's time that America recognized this horrifying trend.

Ever wonder why the sudden surge of penguins in the media? It isn't a coincidence and it isn't just because people love penguins. No, it's because penguins are the only way to further the agenda of these seal haters. Glorifying the existence of these so called "birds" through any means necessary is the only way to further their lies.

Can the poor Leopard Seal please get a break? It's only doing exactly what the penguins are doing, following it's instincts and it's nature. Seals eat penguins just like Penguins eat little fish. But are we going to see a movie about the little fish and how cute and cuddly they are and how big and bad the penguins fishing them are? No, we won't and it's all because of the anti-Leopard Seal forces that are ruling Hollywood right now.

And I'd imagine that it will just continue to get worse. I'm sure that Leopard Seals won't get a fair shake in yet another penguin movie, Surf's Up, scheduled to be released this summer.

Hollywood should be ashamed.



Posted by Brandon |

What's the best thing about living 20 minutes from work, not knowing how to drive a stick and taking your car into the shop to see if they can figure out all of it's gremlins? Working from home! Or as I like to call it, internet fun time! Now that my employers have taken to blocking out everything fun to waste a little time with (blogs, fantasy sports, pornography), the occasional telecommuting day feels so good.

First of all, I'd like to wish a big happy blogiversary to Blogography. While "working" at home today I voted for my favorite t-shirt designs ("try evil" and "a little geeky"). I would have got my vote in no matter what, but doing it in the middle of the afternoon made it sooooo much more satisfying.

One thing that I finally got around to doing is setting up in earnest my Flickr account. I've been meaning for a long, long time to load my pictures on there and share the wonderful world of Brandon with you but never have had the opportunity until today. You can find my Flickr pictures here including my trip to Angels Stadium on Sunday. Or, for in the future, I added one of those slideshow things to my sidebar that everybody else has had for years and years.

I also tried to find us a campsite for our anniversary coming up the first week of May. We are going to New York for ten days a couple weeks later so instead of doing something big for our anniversary we figured we would just go camping, something we usually enjoy but haven't had time to do much since we moved down here. Another reason we haven't done much camping: all of the campsites a couple hours up and down the coast are booked solid (it's like that almost every weekend) except for McGrath State Beach which is located all of five miles away from our house. So, we will probably go camping in our own town, which is fine, but kind of weird nonetheless.

In sports geek news, I signed up to play in this weird fantasy football league that tests you in marketing, promotion and whatnot. I setup a website (still under construction) for my Las Chupacabras de Oxnard squad and I worked for a while on a logo. But I just don't know how to use Photoshop well enough to do something that I wouldn't rip apart on The Sports Logo Pundit. So if there is anybody out there that would like a serious challenge, please help me design a logo for my team and I would love you forever.

And I have good news. The VW dealer, surprisingly, found out what was wrong with my car (or at least they think they did. It would surprise me if it happened again in a few months) but they need to do some more tests tomorrow morning to make sure, so I won't have my car back until around noon. Woo hoo!

All this time on my hands and yet I still didn't get around to blogging until 11:30.


Lazy Monday Blogging

Posted by Brandon |

I hate to go all lazy YouTubing on y'all, but this was just too funny to not share. It's Colbert's Meta-Free-Phor-All against Sean Penn from Thursday night...

I still love The Daily Show and all, but while it has grown a little stale, Colbert has turned into the show that I never want to miss.

UPDATE: Viacom Sucks


Rise and Shine...It's Earth Day!

Posted by Brandon |

Rise and Shine! - Wouldn't you love to wake up to that each morning? Well too bad, Death? already has dibs.

Jessica over at Daughter of Opinion challenged us bloggers to snap a picture of ourselves just as we wake up. Karl (who was the first person I saw do it), Dave, Neil and Hilly all took the plunge, so I figured I should as well. The first thing that Death? said when she saw the picture was that it reminded her of Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette waking up in her big old bed mainly because of the girly comforter and pillows and the soft light. It really should be some cute little chick lying there but instead of Kirsten you get a big, poofy haired, unshaven gorilla. This picture is so going to ruin my street cred.

Of course when I think of Kirsten in Marie Antoinette, I think of this. But that's a whole other picture of me that I'm not willing to share with you today. Maybe tomorrow...if you're lucky!

Happy Earth Day!
- How did you celebrate Earth Day? Did you even know that it was today? I didn't think so.

We celebrated by driving 100+ miles to Anaheim (and a 100+ back) to see the Mariners stink it up against the Angels. It was a brutally played game by the M's made better only by the fact that we sat in the second row between first base and the foul pole. Other than the fact that the chump next to us insisted upon leaning forward meaning that we had to lean forward to see around him, they were awesome seats.

On the way to our car after the game I saw a dude and his wife climb into their Mercedes and promptly throw their parking pass out and onto the ground. I personally can't believe that anybody still litters so blatantly. To throw something out like that is totally inexcusable to me. It's completely retarded and it's also a totally egotistical, self-centered thing to do. This whole mentality that it's somebody else's job to pick it up and the fact that he thinks that the cleanliness of his precious Mercedes is so important that he can't wait and throw it away himself drives me crazy.

So what did I do to give back to Mother Earth today? I picked up Mr. Litter's parking pass for him, it's the least I could do. Of course I stuck my face right next to his window, waved it at him and yelled "Happy Earth Day, Asshole!", stuffed it in my pocket and brought it home where it will now be recycled. Hey, we all have to do our part to make this a cleaner and more healthy world...it IS Earth Day after all.


Orgasm Interrupted

Posted by Brandon |

Minutes ago I finally lost my freaking mind and now I couldn't be happier.

My downstairs neighbors, that disgusting slutbag bitch and her equally nasty boyfriend, started screaming hitting a very loud and utterly barfrific climax and I just had to do something. I've had to endure their nasty fucking for the last few weeks but usually it's quieter and goes on longer so I usually just turn on the radio really loud and drown it out. But tonight it was quick, loud and more disturbing than I can describe.

So I did what I should have done a long, long time ago. I jumped straight up in the air as high as I could, pulled my legs up at the top and stomped as hard as I possibly could on the floor. Consider the fact that I am 6 foot 4 and push three bills and I think that you can get a good idea of the sound that I made. I don't think the building has stopped shaking yet.

And then the best thing happened. The stupid bitch started coughing her ass off. She has one of the most unholy sounding smoker's coughs you have ever heard and usually I want to run screaming out the front door when I hear it. But tonight it was music to my ears because her fit began right after I stomped and lasted nearly five painful minutes. She has to be sore and totally worn out now because it sounded like a serious ordeal.

I was in a particularly piss poor mood because my softball team lost yet another game, this time by the score of 17-3 after losing 24-3 and 34-3 the last two weeks. Why can't I find myself just one winning team to play on? I am sick and tired of losing. I think my combined sports record since moving to Ventura is something like eight wins and fifty losses. It doesn't get much worse that that.

But now I'm in a better mood. I'm still a little pissed but at least I was finally able to take my frustration out on something. I've wanted to come into the dugout after some of these innings and go fucking buckwild on a jug of Gatorade but I don't want to embarrass myself by flying off the handle out in public. I much prefer to take it out on Trixie in the privacy of my own home.


Get Your Smokin Hot Cheerleaders Right Here!

Posted by Brandon |

While obsessively checking my traffic stats recently, I discovered that I was receiving an inordinate amount of hits from a particular post over at Kevin's. After emailing him to see if he could help solve the mystery as to why I have had so many hits from that post, we both agreed that it must have something to do with the picture of the cheerleaders that he featured in his post about my fantasy football league in which he says "if you're a blogger and you're looking for a good time, then check out Brandon's post for more information...(cheerleader picture)...You know you want to. And they want you to, as well. Just click here."

The promise of willing cheerleaders is understandable but when they clicked the link all they were given was information on our already finished fantasy football league. Until last week, that is, when I finally found a picture that would reward their searching and clicking and would really get them going...

Since I have now seen the power of the cheerleader mention both over at Kevin's and at The Sports Logo Pundit, let me just say this: UCLA cheerleader blue socks, USC Song Girl's butt, Oral Roberts Dance Team, Texas Cheerleaders in chaps, San Diego Charger Girls, Oakland Raiderettes, St. Martin's Cheerleaders, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Satan's Cheerleaders, Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders making out, Ventura College worst cheerleaders ever.

No need to thank me, perverts.


Mary Lynn Rajskub is Awesome!

Posted by Brandon |

Please excuse the lazy YouTube blogging, but I have a new favorite actress: Mary Lynn Rajskub - better known as Chloe from 24.

Now I don't watch 24, I missed the fourth hour of the first season and totally lost track of what was going on and never could get back into it. Unfortunately that means that I missed out on Chloe all these years.

But I just happened to have Conan on last night while I was messing around on the computer and I didn't think twice when she came out. Then she said something so off the wall that I started paying attention and I sure am glad I did. She has to be one of the best interviews anywhere as evidenced by these clips on YouTube...

Hopefully the new Conan interview from last night will be up on YouTube pretty soon because it's the best of the bunch. There's also a couple of appearances on Leno where she is really funny (here, here and here) but they aren't quite as good because Leno is so lame and doesn't let her shine.

I don't know if it's enough to get me back on 24, but it might be. Maybe I'll watch the next episode and see what I think or get the previous seasons from Netflix. Or maybe I'll just go see her new show "The Complications of Purchasing a Poodle Pillow" at the Steve Allen Theater in Hollywood. That sounds like a plan!


5 Questions: An Interview Meme

Posted by Brandon |

I love the idea of this meme. The first place I saw it was over at Avitable's and it has spread like wildfire across teh internets. Rather than a set group of questions that everybody answers, this meme changes for everybody. All you have to do is follow the instructions at the bottom of this post and you too can be interviewed.

My interviewer is Hilly and she asks some great questions...

1. Have you ever been in a protest? If so, for what? If not, would you? - I have been in a couple of protests. Once when I was in high school I went to a rally/protest concerning censorship of musical lyrics. I was even quoted in The Olympian and you could see me in the background of the cover photo. I don't know why I went, but it was fun at the time. I've been to various anti-war rallies over the years but I get really frustrated at them because so many of the participants are aging hippies that nobody takes seriously anymore. Since starting this blog, I've wanted to start showing up at rallies and protests with a big Down With Pants! sign and march around with them, but I have never grown the balls to do so.

2. Which blogger would you most like to swap lives with for a day..... and why? - I'd love to swap places with Dave from Blogography mainly because he has so many fun toys. I could trick out this blog like crazy and I could finally play some Wii. There are also a ton of sports bloggers (mainly newspaper reporters that also blog, like Bob Condotta from the Seattle Times Husky Hoops blog) that I would love to swap places with just for the access that they have.

3. What annoys you more....Kelly Clarkson singing 'Because of You' or the sound of Ann Coulter's voice? - I hate Ann Coulter with a fiery passion, but she's easy to write off as a complete kook and sometimes it's fun to listen to her spew all of that bullshit out of her mouth. Kelly Clarkson's song isn't so bad necessarily but when it is played 10-15 times in a row I want to pull all my hair out and jam pencils in my ears, but I think I would feel that way about almost any song played that many times in a row. I think that "Because of You" annoys me more because it will always bring back the horrible memories of my downstairs neighbor.

4. What is the greatest song in your world? - "I'm Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood, "God Bless America" and anything by Toby Keith....Psyche!

5. Does Mrs. DWP read your blog and if so, does she think we're all nuts? - Death? does read my blog regularly. In fact tonight she mentioned that the writing in my last couple posts has been much better and attributed my improvement to the fact that I have read a couple novels recently. She is so right, when I do some reading I usually go on a nice little run of decent writing. I need to read more. As far as all of you - she reads some of your blogs as well and is very happy that I have some friends, even if they are somewhat imaginary.

Here are the instructions if you would like to give a Down With Pants! interview...

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me, you pantsless wonder!"
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


My Grandpa

Posted by Brandon |

I was asked to write down some memories about my grandpa for his memorial this past weekend but I couldn't do it. It's weird but I don't have many specific memories of things that we did together or anything like that. All I know is that I loved the guy because he was one of the friendliest, nicest people you could ever hope to meet. He was a gentle, loving soul and I am proud to take after him in that sense. I might not be considered super friendly all the time because I'm also pretty shy around new people, but I'm definitely nice and gentle in the same way that he was.

One of my more general memories about my grandpa is that he was the first person I ever saw with a tattoo. He had a simple, black, tough looking eagle tattooed on the top of his forearm that I assume he got when he was in the Navy. It never quite fit him because of his gentle demeanor but as a young child it left a big impression on me.

I saw my grandpa as I described before but because of that tattoo I also understood that there was so much more to him that I didn't know. That tattoo gave me a lot of respect for him because it was a clear illustration that he had done so much with his life and that his triumphs, his mistakes and all of his choices made him what he was as my grandpa. It kind of sounds weird to say, but even as a little boy, his tattoo gave me confidence that whatever I did or whatever happened to me would just contribute to who I was as a person. I still take comfort in that thought.

Geez, I've never wanted to get a tattoo but after writing this, it suddenly sounds like a good idea.

Another note on my grandpa - Although we've never seriously believed that it was true, there have been times when both my littler brother and I have thought that we were adopted. Neither of us look anything like our parents and we are both quite a bit taller than either of them (although my mom is taller than average for women).

But I figured out a long time ago that I look a lot like my grandma's brothers on my mom's side. From my height to the weight that I carry to a lot of the facial features, it was obvious that I am one of their descendants. But that doesn't explain my brother. Other than being nice and thin, he doesn't look like anybody in the family.

It was all explained over the weekend at my grandpa's memorial. Looking at old pictures of my gramps we all came to the realization that my brother looks just like him. The same hairline, the same eyes, the same shape of his face, everything except his nose. Even his mannerisms are the same, the expressions on his face in the pictures, even the way that he poses for pictures. The resemblance is uncanny and explains so much.

Luckily for my brother and more importantly his girlfriend, my grandpa was quite handsome.


A Fiasco United

Posted by Brandon |

Traveling has become routine. The relative ease that the Bob Hope International Airport in Burbank offers has made this so. Park, bus, security, takeoff in under an hour. Simple, easy and painless.

That was not the case on Friday when I flew home for my Grandpa's memorial service (he died two weeks ago after a long battle with Alzheimer's, he was 81). I booked my tickets on Hotwire.com Wednesday night and was booked on a United Airlines flight at 8:54 AM from Burbank to San Francisco and then to arrive in Portland at 12:40 PM. Perfect. I didn't have to get up ridiculously early to catch my flight and would have ample time to grab a bite to eat and hit Powell's before heading to my parents in Olympia.

Like a good traveler with an e-ticket, I attempted to check myself in on Thursday night only to discover that my flight had already been canceled. Mechanical problems. Apparently 12 hours isn't long enough to either fix a plane or get a replacement ready for all of us Easter weekend travelers. The fine folks at United had already rebooked my flight....for 5:50 PM. I wouldn't get into Portland until nearly 11:00. So I browsed through my options and found myself a flight that would take me from Burbank at 7:15 AM to Denver and on to Portland landing at roughly the same time. I'd have to get up a little bit earlier than I would have liked, but whatever, at least I'd get to go to Powell's.

I got up and showered and finished packing and was out the door by 4:45 AM, unsure of what traffic was like even that early in the morning, you can never tell with the 101. I got into the terminal and had to go to the ticket counter because United's site wouldn't let me check in on my rescheduled flight the night before. The friendly and helpful counter lady informed me that I could catch the 6:45 flight to San Francisco and then get on my original connector to Portland. Whatever, sounded good. I'd be able to clear security and jump on the plane and be on my way instead of waiting there for half an hour. Plus, I could get an exit aisle. Legroom! I'll take that any day.

I breezed through security (why am I the only one who is ready right when they get to the tables?), walked right on the plane and settled in with nobody sitting next to me in a big ass exit row, ready for a beautifully comfortable flight. It seriously was the most comfortable I have ever been on an airplane. Usually I'm wedged between people and my legs don't fit comfortable in the seats, so this was a dream come true. Nothing could make me happier. Thrilled with my luck, I basked in the glory as we taxied out to the runway. After what seemed like an eternity of just sitting there we were informed by our captain that we had some mechanical problems and we were heading back to the terminal for repairs. After another half hour or so, they asked us to deplane and see a ticket agent to find another flight rather than wait for the work to be done, something they had no timetable for.

With only two ticket agents available for two different canceled flights (a different Denver flight was having issues of it's own), I finally fought my way to an agent who promptly booked me on a direct flight to Portland leaving at 12:29 (by this time it was already 9:00) that would arrive at 1:50...out of LAX, five freeways to the west. So with a free voucher in hand, I boarded a cab and hightailed it to LAX making it there in record time. After witnessing some of the dumbest TSA agents I have ever seen, I was through and to the gate by 10:15 in time to put my name on the standby list for the 10:40 flight to Portland that the agent didn't book me on because she didn't think that there was anyway I would make it on time.

10:30 rolled around and most of the passengers had boarded. The gate guy called out three names. First: "White - party of two." Second: "Gutierrez - party of one." Third: "Brandon - party of one." Gutierrez and me showed up and were informed that there were two spots available. White was nowhere to be found. He made the announcement again. "White - party of two - please report to the gate immediately - last call". He looked around and saw nobody moving so Gutierrez handed him his ticket and I started to give him mine when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like they were transported by Scotty himself, the Whites showed up and claimed the last two seats. They flashed us two big shit eating grins and strode confidently and proudly up the runway, Gutierrez left to fight again (he was flying standby on all flights) and me with a couple hours to waste at LAX.

After a McChicken Sandwich at McDonald's, an establishment I haven't eaten at in many years and yet another delay that pushed my flight back to 2:00, I was finally on board my flight squished between an amazon woman who took up nearly as much room in her seat as I did (usually woman are smaller and I have a little bit of room to stretch if I need to) and the wall even though I had asked for an aisle. It was the most uncomfortable flight I have ever been on.

But at least it made it to Portland...at 4:30...only 12 1/2 hours after I woke up that morning. Almost an entire day lost due to what can only be described as the horrible quality of United's fleet of aircrafts. Never again United, never again.

And I haven't even told you about my return trip, a serious fiasco in itself.


Five Quick Things

Posted by Brandon |

  1. I just happened to see Sanjay Malakar's performance on American Idol the other night and I hate to admit this, but it wasn't that bad. I've heard much worse. I'm not an Idol fan, so I'm rooting hard for him to win.

  2. I went to Vons today to pick up some groceries and I can't believe how awful people act in the supermarket anymore. Between the lady in front of me in the checkout line who told her son to shove the book that he was reading up into the candy shelves instead of telling him to put it back where he found it like a parent should do to the lady in the parking lot that I had to yell at to move her damn van out of the middle of the road so that I could back out (she was just sitting there waiting for someone to come out), my faith in humanity continues to spiral downward out of control.

  3. One of the best things to do when humanity has got me down is to crank the sound in my car up LOUD and sing "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants at full voice. It's very therapeutic, it always makes me feel better.

  4. The downstairs neighbors are currently fucking. It's gross. I turned on my clock radio in the bedroom and pointed the speaker directly at the floor. I know they can hear it because I can hear their radio every morning. I might need to take a drive around the neighborhood with my iPod if it doesn't stop soon.

  5. I'm flying into Portland this weekend en route to my hometown of Olympia, three weeks too late. Maybe I'll stop at the Kennedy School and have a drink in honor of TequilaCon.


2007 Bigger Dance

Posted by Brandon |

Calling all meatheads! Seattle's sports radio station KJR has opened up the brackets for the 2007 Bigger Dance pitting 64 of the hottest pop culture females against each other in a battle to determine who is, and I feel really gross just typing this, "The Queen of the Hardwood," yuck, I feel all slimy.

This annual "wacky morning show guy" tournament is a favorite of mine and it isn't because I am a massive chauvinist who loves to objectify the accomplishments of women, that's only part of it. The biggest reason I enter this contest every year is because the grand prize winner gets two tickets to any sporting event anywhere in the world. I never have figured out where I would go if I won, but there are some options that just blow my mind and the possibility of winning makes it too good of a prize to not enter.

My final four is Gisele Bundchen vs. Jessica Biel and Eva Mendes vs. Jessica Alba (last years winner) to set up an all Jessica final with Jessica Biel winning the championship. If you've seen the preview for the new Adam Sandler/Kevin James movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (click here to watch), you know why I am picking her to "go all the way" (ick).

I was thinking about setting up a Down With Pants! pool, so if you want to sign up and compete for a trip to any sporting event anywhere, leave me a comment or email me and I will invite you to my pool. If you do sign up here's a little tip, for some crazy reason Elin Nordgren, Tiger Wood's wife, always does really well. Don't ask me why.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go snort a line of Keith Richard's pops.

P.S...Kelly (one of my old BE renters) at A Yoga Coffee Outlook is giving away a Zune MP3 Player! I love winning stuff. Check her out at www.yogacoffeeoutlook.com. I have no shame tonight.


I'm Back

Posted by Brandon |

April Fool's, I guess. I suppose I will stick it out one more day. Here's a music meme from Dave via Frances Danger that might get me going again...

  1. Of all the bands & artists in your collection, of which one do you own the most albums?
    Without actually counting, either The Beatles, Johnny Cash or Ben Folds. Maybe even Built To Spill.
  2. What was the last song you listened to?
    Hong Kong Garden by Siouxsie & the Banshees off the Marie Antoinette soundtrack.
  3. What's in your CD player right now?
    Demetri Martin's These Are Jokes. It's like having a new Mitch Hedberg CD from the grave.
  4. What are your favorite instruments?
    I love horns in songs. I don't know if I would say that it is my favorite instrument, a guitar would probably be my favorite, but horns make anything better.
  5. Who's your favorite local artist/band?
    I only know of a couple local bands and I can't say that I was all that impressed enough to say they were my favorite.
  6. What was the last show you attended?
    Willie Nelson at the Hollywood Bowl, which was a great show in a great setting, but it seems like I've been to something since then.
  7. What was the greatest show you've ever been to?
    Solomon Burke at the Bumbershoot Blues Stage in 2003. I had only ever seen or heard Solomon Burke once before on Conan O'Brien so we weren't totally sure what we were going to get. Then he came out and made everybody dance, charmed the pants off everybody and just blew away any concert we had ever seen. He made me a lifelong fan that night. Hot Hot Heat and Weezer at the Santa Barbara Bowl is a distant second.
  8. What's the worst band you've ever seen in concert?
    Having grown up watching crappy Olympia bands at the Capitol Theater, it's hard to figure out what the worst band I ever saw was, there were some horrendous performances. The worst big band I ever saw was The Spin Doctors. They never managed to get on key.
  9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
    I can't think of any bands like that, but I can think of a band that I hate but I love a member of. Rilo Kiley. I hate, for the most part, their music but I love Jenny Lewis' voice so much I end up listening anyway. I can't help myself.
  10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
    I was in choir in high school. Does that count? I actually quit jazz choir my senior year because I didn't want to sing Grease.
  11. What show are you looking forward to?
    I was looking forward to seeing Los Amigos Invisibles here in Ventura in May, but we are now going to be out of town, in New York, which is much better. Other than that, I can't think of any show this summer that I'm excited about. Getting tickets to anything in LA is such a hassle that I don't even care about going to shows here.
  12. What is your favorite band shirt?
    The only band t-shirt I have anymore is a Built To Spill t-shirt that is just ok.
  13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
    Solomon Burke
  14. What musician would you like to be in love with you for a day?
    Residente of Calle 13 and so would my wife.
  15. What was your last musical "phase" before you wised up?
    Either ska or swing.
  16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
  17. Did you know that filling out this meme makes you a music geek?
  18. What was the greatest decade for music?
    The 90's?
  19. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
    Hedwig and the Angry Inch or Snatch or The Life Aquatic.
  20. Who is your favorite artist who is much better live than on a recording?
    His albums are incredible, but you don't quite get the charm and charisma of Solomon Burke until you have seen him live.
  21. Do you have a hidden desire to be a popular musician?
    Hell yeah. Not enough to actually practice and become good but I definitely would love to be huge.
  22. Have you ever used drugs to enhance the music experience?
    Nope, not even at a laser show.
  23. What was the last song you heard that gave you a chill?
    There are a couple of songs off the new Modest Mouse CD that are so good that they get me going, but I don't know if they give me a chill necessarily.
  24. Where would you be without music?
    Salt Lake City, Utah

By the way, Ohio State sucks! Woo Hoo!!! Ohio State lost, again! I hate that it has to be Florida doing all the dirty work, but nothing makes me happier than seeing an Ohioan cry, so I'll take it.


April Fool's Day Sucks!

Posted by Brandon |

Everybody is so damn clever with their April Fool's posts today that I thought I would sit down and write one of my own. But after sitting here for half an hour without anything written, I have given up.

What kind of writer am I that I can't figure out how to write just one damn April Fool's Day post? That's it. I'm out of ideas. Writing this blog has zapped me of all my funny and today is the day that I am totally and completely running on empty.

So, I have decided to pack it in. Down With Pants! will cease to exist as of this evening. Enjoy it while you can.