Posted by Brandon |

I Am The Walrus?

Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

What the fuck is he talking about, Dude?

Thanks to Chelsa Skees for adding Caught with their pants down - a moving tribute to the greatness that are our firefighting professionals - to the illustrious (and in need of photos) Down With Pants! Flickr group.

If you have any photos that illustrate your Down With Pants!-ness, please join up and add them to the group. I need all the help I can get when I have no ideas on what to post about in my head.


From the DWP! Archives: Yahoo Can Blow Me

Posted by Brandon |

I just realized that at some point since I wrote this post two years ago, Yahoo fazed these retarded banners out. Probably when they upgraded their service to be more like Gmail. Whatever, I'm SO glad...

If you're like me, you have quite a few different email addresses that you use on a regular basis. I have my work email, my blogs email, my "just my name" email and a couple of other ones that I no longer use. I use my "just my name" Yahoo address as my personal address. Most of my friends and my family use this address even though I now favor my Gmail account for almost everything else.

I was pretty happy with Yahoo until they launched a new login page featuring all sorts of "regular people" striking poses and hawking their features. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of having to see these boneheads every time I check my email, which I do quite often. I have a problem. Anyway, here are the ones that really piss me off...

Fuck the viruses! Zap her and her big ass tongue. I guess she just ate a lollipop or a popsicle or the blood of a newborn baby. Either way, that's one nasty looking tongue.

Yes, quick! Find that email of an old flame and have him call the cops so they can save you from the creepy old dude that is holding your campground hostage with just his fishing vest and a can of pomade. Now that's a reason to get Yahoo Mail.

This poor little bunny shows up more often than any other ad. I have to see it's sad little eyes crying for help from behind that hideous hot pink sweater 75% of the time that I login. Rabbit owners are almost always certifiably looney tunes and from the looks of it, this one is no different.

Intergalactic? Perhaps. Androgynous? Most definitely. Any guesses? Guy? Girl? Guygirl? If you said Hopeless Hipster, then you win the big prize. Gender matters not in this instance.

Ok Hippie McTarderson, don't ever do your "homie" stance again. Did you just break down a funky, fresh, dope, riggity-rhyme, my brother? Did you just pop a cap in that ass? Can we please declare Hip Hop dead now? Pretty please with sugar on top?

Posted by Brandon |

Lebowski Trivia at Neptune Coffee

Attention Seattle Achievers: Big Lebowski Trivia night at Neptune Coffee is coming up - September 13th at 8:00 PM - be there or be square.

Sadly, I'll be square. I was going to try to put together a team, but I just noticed that the Washington Huskies/Oklahoma Sooners football game is the same day at 4:45 PM and I was planning on going, so there is virtually no way that I'd make it to Greenwood by 8:00. Oh well. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't go and achieve.


The Old Alien Ant Farm Video Switcheroo

Posted by Brandon |

I had a much more serious post planned for tonight, but I just spent a long time working on a cover letter for a job I was applying for and now I don't really want to write it. Sometime soon though, I'll get serious on you about some things that have gotten under my skin about how we talk to and treat expecting fathers and people with kids.

Instead tonight, I bring you a compare and contrast of two music videos that I was thinking about during the long drive home from Idaho on Monday. The video is from Alien Ant Farm. You know, the guys that did the "Smooth Criminal" cover in 2001? Kind of a one hit wonder?

Well, the first song that I ever heard by Alien Ant Farm was "Movies". This original video was on heavy rotation on MTV2 when MTV2 was still a great place to watch videos...

First of all, I love the song. I still sing it aloud whenever it comes up on my iPod. And while the video is a little goofy, it's simple but interesting and shows a lot of energy and personality by the band. It's still a video that I really like to watch every once in a while.

Then, Smooth Criminal's video made a big splash on MTV. Alien Ant Farm blew up, if only for a moment. Because "Movies" turned out to be the only other really good song on ANThology and they needed a followup video, the band reshot "Movies" with a much larger budget and ended up with this TRL friendly video...

When I see that video, I feel embarrassed for Alien Ant Farm. It's such an unbelievably BAD video that was willed into existence by the horribleness that was TRL at the time. I'm sure the label forced them to make it without much of their input and they, riding a wave of popularity, just had to hold on and go with it. You can see a marked difference in energy from all the members of the band. They know what they have to do and they do it, they just don't seem to do it the same way.

That's what MTV did to a lot of bands and in many ways, the case of Alien Ant Farm makes me so glad that MTV barely shows any videos anymore.


Wednesday Weak Sauce Meme

Posted by Brandon |

I know, this week's posts have been some weak sauce. Time for a meme to keep the good times rolling. Stolen from Kapgar amongst others...

1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4. Optional extra: Post a comment at linking to your results.

I'm skipping #3 because I think I'd eat just about any of these things if given the opportunity, though I'm not a big fan of intestinal type items...

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi - the dog???
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects - I'd have to be paid a lot or be blitzed like nothing else.
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette - I think I have, but I'm not certain.
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Considering that only ten years ago or so I was unbelievably picky and stuck to the basics and fast food restaurants, eating 53 of the 100 items on this list isn't bad. There are some things I really want, like Poutine. There has to be a place in Seattle that serves Poutine, being that we are only a little ways from Canada. I'll have to find some.


Lazy Lake Days Linger

Posted by Brandon |

Please excuse my lack of a real post today. I'm still kind of in lake mode. Maybe tomorrow.


Pronounce This!

Posted by Brandon |

We just got back from four super relaxing days at Priest Lake in Northern Idaho. Oh what a time we had, but more on that a little later.

Tonight...let's play a game: Please leave a comment with your best guess as to the pronunciation of this Washington/Idaho landmark name...

Pend O'Reille

The first person to guess the correct pronunciation or the closest to it by the end of Tuesday gets a big hearty pat on the back and a new Down With Pants! card (a cheapo Moo business card, in all honesty) sent to them via snail mail.

Good luck! No cheating!


DWP! Learns How To Draw Again - #2

Posted by Brandon |

Right before we had Addie, I rediscovered Mark Kistler, who hosted one of my favorite TV shows when I was a child - Mark Kistler's Imagination Station. I was going to start doing one of his YouTube videos once a week and show you the results and we would see how I was coming along week to week. Then we had a baby and my mind went elsewhere.

Well, today I resume that journey. Today's subject: Electric Eel...

And here is how I did trying to feverishly keep up with him...

Well, it certainly is something. It's kind of less eel and more vicious tapeworm with some fucked up fins. One thing is apparent, I need to find some real pencils around the house. I'm using some jacked up old colored pencils I found and I can't find a sharpener. And when I get a little more confident, maybe I'll throw in my own little touches here and there so it isn't just a copy of what he did.

But it shows a little promise. Pretty soon, I'll be doing great pieces of art, just like Dave. Yeah. Right.


5 Topics on a Wednesday

Posted by Brandon |

1. We need one more team for the DWP! Fantasy Football League. No experience necessary, just a willingness to keep your team going all season. We will have a live draft, with a date between the 24th and the end of the month as the day. If you are interested in playing - and it's a ton of fun - please leave me a comment and I'll shoot you the final invitation. All your friends are should you.

2. I'm in trouble. In the past I've written about my short soccer career. Long story short, I never played growing up, my first time playing was two or three years ago and only in coed recreational 6-on-6 soccer.

But two weeks ago I answered a Craigslist ad and joined a soccer team in the Greater Seattle Soccer League. It's full field soccer, 11-on-11, for 90 minutes. Whoa. I have a month to run and learn how to play the game and get ready. Luckily, my teammates are also all out-of-shape and haven't played on a team in years and years so I don't look too bad. Plus it's a 30-and-over league, and I'm only 31, so I have a small advantage there. But still, this could easily get ugly.

3. I'm considering starting a new blog, one devoted to all things Edmonds. I even have my bumper sticker inspired header designed already...

The only problem I'm having so far? How do I make this town sound interesting? Not a ton happens here and it's far from hip. What will I have to write about? Old-dude-on-a-Rascal-of-the-week is the only feature I'm sure about so far. I'm going to have to give this one some thought before I put it out there.

4. We started watching the David Duchovny series Californication tonight and I don't know if we'll watch anymore. It's just too....LA. I hate LA. I don't want to watch a show about unhappy people in LA doing LA stuff. If I did want to watch unhappy people doing LA stuff, we wouldn't have moved back to Seattle. Here we get to see unhappy LA people doing Seattle stuff, unhappily.

5. In a severe blow to my soccer training, today I discovered one of the greatest sandwiches put on this planet at a little tiny shack on Seaview Drive in Ballard. Paseo's pork sandwiches are AMAZING. If you live in Seattle and haven't made it to either the Fremont location or the brand new Ballard one, you must go. Take the day off from work tomorrow, they won't miss you.

My sandwich options in the greater Seattle area are overwhelming. I've got the Other Coast Cafe, Paseo, Grinders and Tub's to choose from and probably even more delicious goodness elsewhere (I know where there's a Jersey Mikes too!).

Must stay strong. Remember Brandon, 90 minutes of nonstop running in only a month. You can do it.


DWP! Comment of the Week

Posted by Brandon |

In response to the post Fred Wray: The Original Mack Daddy from June 12th. 2007, Truth writes...

"Dude Fred Wray is/was the man!! He has turned down more minor league groupies than most of you fags have beaten off to." got me there. Touche'.



Posted by Brandon |

Death? and I just finished a marathon Scrabble showdown. In a matchup of Ivy League versus really crappy community college and state university educations, who would take the title of king or queen Scrabble?

The answer: Neither of us, kind of. I won the first game handily - 247-213 thanks to the letter "Z" and my cunning use of it. She won the second game - 251-250.

But, she will forever know that in the second game I did not challenge the word "Krab" even though I was pretty sure it wouldn't be in the dictionary. Since we couldn't find our usual Scrabble dictionary, we had to get up and go to the computer room and use Miriam-Webster's website for any challenges. When "Krab" was played, my lazy ass didn't want to make that trek even though it turned out to be a 30 point word. After the fact, I looked it up and it is not a recognized by Miriam-Webster. What a blow to her score that would've been. Damn my lazy butt!

This could all be settled with another game, but it's 12:15 so Death? called it a night...and told me that "loser puts away Scrabble". Uh!? It was not double or nothing. We're either tied here OR I'm the champion. The Scrabble stays put until this is finished.

Oh, who am I kidding. I put away the game like the dutiful husband that I am and I'll even let her go out on a high note, drop the whole "Krab" thing, and give her the title of Queen Scrabble. Love makes you do funny things. Things that normally aren't in your character - like letting go of mistakes, taking your lumps, and losing gracefully.

Besides, as an unemployed SOB with high class tastes who obviously married up, I know one thing: Don't bite the hand that feeds you.


From the DWP! Archive: My Entourage

Posted by Brandon |

I don't know why, but I was thinking about My Entourage earlier tonight. Usually, they just stand behind me and I totally forget about them despite their constant presence.

I'm currently taking applications for new entourage members. We currently have openings for Assistant Sous Chef, Zamboni Driver and Worst. President. Ever. To apply, please email me your resume and a cover letter. Salary: DOE. No benefits.

I just heard on VH1 that the entourage was the one of the most important accessories for celebrities in 2005. You may not have known that I have my own entourage. Unfortunately we don't get out a whole lot, but these guys have done a great job for me so I thought it was high time I introduced them to you and give them a big thank you for their great year of work...

Meet Mario, one of the top bodyguards in the business. Ok, so that's not true. He can't even lift his arms over his head and has to ride in a wheelchair because he is so top heavy he just tips over when he stands. But if he ever just happened to be in between me and a bullet, there is virtually no chance it would penetrate that leathery exterior of his. Thanks Mario!

Tim is my hair and makeup man and on a personal note, my master in the fine art of Amish style facial hair growing. I have learned much from this man and I can proudly say that under his tutelage, I now average only one shave a week. Thanks Tim!

After both Diddy and the guys from Outkast tired of this no talent hanger-on, we had to snap him up if only to keep Tim's beard dry. Thanks Bentley!

Larry is the white guy. People think he's funny. A real estate investor who makes a lot of money. Thanks Larry! UPDATE!!! Sadly, Larry The White Guy was murdered in April of 2006. We recently named a new Larry the White Guy, though....

Senator Larry Craig is already doing one hell of a job as our resident Larry The White Guy. But man, I really don't need lists of the top gloryholes in Idaho, Larry. Thanks anyway.

The DWP! crew consumes nearly 50% of this country's Cap'n Crunch supply each year. To show his appreciation the Cap'n rolls with us wherever we go. Hot damn I love me some Crunch Berries! Thanks Cap'n!

The Western Carolina University sousaphone squad introduces us with our theme song everywhere we go. You have never heard the Spongebob Squarepants song sound so good! Thanks WCU Sousaphones!

And finally, the Wu-Tang Clan. That's right, Method Man, The RZA, GZA, Ghostface Killa, Raekwon and the ghost of Ol' Dirty Bastard roll with the DWP! crew (seriously, the Wu-Tang Clan is the name of these guys basketball team. Google it). Wu-Tang Clan and Down With Pants! ain't nothin' to fuck with! Thanks guys!


BBQ and Football

Posted by Brandon |

Tonight, I finally got a chance to hook up the brand new (used from Craigslist) grill today and boy is it nice. We had the BBQ two whole days without using it! What's wrong with us? Anyway, it's pretty bad ass for an $80 grill - you can cook some serious grub up on this bad boy.

I picked up a couple steaks from the supermarket to go with some corn we bought at the Edmonds Summer Market on Saturday and we got our barbecue on. I marinated the steaks in a recipe I found at It was simply one 10.5 ounce can of beef broth and a whole bottle of BBQ sauce. Throw the meat in there and marinate for a minimum of two hours and you'll get some juicy, tasty, meaty goodness.

The only problem? I bought some of the shittiest cuts of meat I've ever purchased. My local Safeway either had steaks for $15 or crap. I bought what looked like the best cheap steak I could find, but the cut was hiding a tendon that ran through all four steaks. Yuck! It ended up being about half edible and half throw away. The parts that were edible were great, but that tendon ruined a great marinade and a solid char. That'll teach me to cut corners with the beef.

The winner, though, was the corn...Hickory Bacon Salt grilled corn. From the Bacon Salt Blog...

* 6 ears yellow corn
* 1-2 tablespoons Hickory Bacon Salt
* 6 tablespoons unsalted butter
* Black pepper (optional)

Peel back husks (do not remove them) and remove silk and soak corn in cold water for 30 minutes. Turn grill to high heat and lightly oil cooking grate. Melt butter and mix with Hickory Bacon Salt and pepper (optional). Peel back husks again and dip or brush each ear of corn with ¾ of the Hickory Bacon Butter. Replace husks, and place directly on grill for 3-4 minutes per side. Remove from grill, peel back husks and brush with the rest of the Hickory Bacon Butter.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to eat corn in any other way. How did I ever live without Bacon Salt?

So boo to Safeway and their nasty meat, hooray for their marinade, hell yeah to Bacon Salt and their awesome grilled corn and, most of all, whooooopeeee to us for owning our very own BBQ again after three years without one.

DWP! Fantasy Football is back! - Yes, it's almost that time again. Football season is only a month away and it's time to start thinking about your fantasy teams.

Unless johnnyhongkong reads this and contacts me right away, it seems that we have an opening in the DWP! Fantasy Football league. So please, if you are interested in playing some fantasy football with a bunch of other bloggers, leave me a comment or email me and I'll get you set up. No experience necessary. We have some teams that have been playing for years and some that just got going. We'll have a live draft later in August. It's set right now for the 24th, but I don't know if that will be the final time or not.

The returning owners and teams are...

Anthony from Sink Into The Pacific
August from Girl on the Run and her team, Turbo Chic
Hilly from Snackiepoo and the Snackiesonics
Matt from Culture Kills... and the Culture Kills Lions
Kevin from Kapgar and Kapgar's Crusaders
Whit from Honea Express
Gary from Warped
RW from 1 Step Beyond and his Cranky Bastards
Replicant from CineRobot
and finally...Me!

As an added little incentive to beat me, I pledge that when I lose, I will start each blog post for the rest of that week with "I am *whatever team's* fantasy football bitch". But I don't plan on losing very often.

Posted by Brandon |

Man Stuff, Six Months and 10th Anniversaries

Today, I felt like a man. It's not often that I get to feel like a big manly man. I'm a stay at home dad that doesn't do much in the way of man work anyway, so when I get to get all masculine, it's kind of a treat.

Today I...

  • Went to Home Depot and bought a big ass shovel and a rake thingy and a propane tank.
  • Drove home from Home Depot on the back roads of Edmonds and Shoreline to make sure I didn't get stuck in the horrendous ferry traffic.
  • Found a barbecue on Craigslist, haggled about the price with the seller and then got a good deal on a gigantic, beautiful, stainless steal grill that I will be cooking lots and lots of meat on.
In other less manly news, I teared up when I started thinking about how it's Addie's half year birthday. She turned six months already...that's crazy to me.

What does any of this have to do with Lebowski Friday? Nothing at all. I just wanted to write about those things AND, since I've been slacking on the Lebowski Friday posts, bring just a little bit of Dude news to you...

On September 9th, Universal will release this sweet 10th anniversary edition of The Big Lebowski.

Now, I'm no collector. In fact, I hate the way that the studios prey upon the die hard fans of movies by putting out these so called "collectors editions" every couple years without doing much more than upgrading the packaging. But let's be honest with ourselves, shall we? That bowling ball package is pretty awesome. I may have to break down and purchase that bad boy.

Thanks to martymankins (I think that's who it was) for pointing this out to me, like, two or three weeks ago.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to drool over my humongous barbecue. It's nearly midnight...should I really grill myself up something this late? Hmmm...