Two Haikus

Posted by Brandon |

Today is Haiku and Ice Cream day at work. We are having a haiku contest. Here are my two entries...

Fighting Combines Roar
Farming Cheers, Glory, Not Wheat
Drunk On PBR

A Cool Wind Blows Through
Hawaii? Caribbean?
Whoops! My Zipper's Down

UPDATE!!!! - Your boy Down With Pants! took home 1st prize in our Haiku contest. My zipper haiku knocked off some very worthy opponents but really, was there ever any doubt?


I, Anonymous - Quiet Riot

Posted by Brandon |

I've been wanting to get this on my blog for a while now. It appeared in the Stranger's feature I, Anonymous a couple of years ago and it's been hanging around my room. It's about time us shy people stand up for ourselves! I might not be as angry as this writer, but I know where he's coming from.

"A tip for all you annoying, sunshiny extroverts who seem to think shyness is a form of mental retardation. My personality is not a goddamn handicap that I need to overcome. Leave me in peace and quit acting like it's your personal mission to take us shy people on like we're some kind of 'project'. Operation 'Bring You Out Of Your Shell.' Not only is it arrogant and maddening that you assume we want to be like you, but hey, you know what - I really don't want your hugs either. And it's not because I can't bring myself to 'open up' and 'get comfortable.' It's because I think you are full of bullshit and have deluded ideas about socializing. I don't want help! I like my personality. And I like the fact that I don't fucking chitchat or try to make new friends, like some kind of dog sniffing every bitch ass that walks by. I'm not a charity case. You are a freak. Stop trying to fix me and please just let me enjoy the melancholic alienation that I've come to so glamorize." - Anonymous


Shaun of the Dead

Posted by Brandon |

I've been trying to think of the right words to describe and review Shaun of the Dead since seeing it in Chicago this weekend. Then I went over to Defective Yeti and read his review and it basically says exactly what I would have liked to say about the movie. So go over and read his review, go see the movie and then you will know why we give it a big, enthusiastic Two Pants Down!


Daily Reason To Dispatch Bush

Posted by Brandon |

Really, how many more reasons do we need to get rid of Dubya? Well, here are quite a few more from McSweeney's updated daily with a fresh new reason to dump his sorry butt. How about this tasty nugget from Day 121: "The Central Intelligence Agency now has fewer case officers assigned to its Osama bin Laden unit than it did on September 11, 2001."


Our Chicago Vacation

Posted by Brandon |


The Down With Pants! crew traveled to Chicago this past weekend for a quick vacation and a friend's wedding. It was a pretty fun time although not at all relaxing like vacations should be. That's just not possible in Chicago. It's just to busy of a city to allow for any relaxation. It's a nice enough town to visit once in a while but thank god I live in Seattle because anything bigger would drive me crazy and Chicago nearly did. However here are some of the highlights and a couple of lowlights from the trip.

Leona's Restaurant: When in serious need of some food after eating virtually nothing during the flight we arrived and were whisked away to Andy's favorite Hyde Park restaurant Leona's. After some consideration of their huge menu we ordered and were treated to a massive amount of food including french fries smothered in bleu cheese alfredo sauce and the best onion rings I've ever eaten (and I hate onions with a passion). It wasn't the best meal ever eaten but it was the perfect meal for our mood and need for immediate satisfaction.

Second City: Later in the evening we headed to the Old Town district and took in their new revue
"Show Title Deemed Indecent By FCC". Having seen some improv and sketch comedy in the Seattle area I was amazed at how big the difference was between the incredible talent of the Second City folks over area performers. It does make sense considering Second City is arguably the best troop in the country. Anyway, it was ridiculously funny and a ton of fun and if you are in Chicago make sure you see one of their shows.

Field Museum: What an incredible museum. We had a lot on our docket for Friday but managed not to do a whole lot of it only because the Field Museum was so incredible. We spent a good five hours browsing around and had to miss a handful of exhibits just to keep the day moving. Of course we saw Sue the largest and most complete T-Rex ever found along with an awesome Egyptian exhibit and virtually every bird known to man in their huge collection of taxidermy. I know, I know....how interesting could taxidermy be? Just trust me, it is.

Navy Pier Ferris Wheel: It gives you an incredible view of Chicago that was worth the five dollar price to ride. However it goes around once really, really slow and isn't much of a ride.

Museum of Stained Glass: We found this little hidden museum on Navy Pier while looking for Skee-ball. It's totally free and has a ton of Tiffany windows, some Frank Lloyd Wright and many more. A huge surprise on this otherwise cheesy tourist trap of a pier.

Pizzeria Uno: We wanted some Chicago deep dish style pizza and we got it at the original location of this now nationwide chain. Delicious. The butteriest crust I've ever tasted.

Lincoln Park Zoo: How can a zoo this good be totally free? They had a ton of animals that I haven't seen in other zoos including a Takin, which is an ox like creature from Asia which we witnessed making sweet love to a barrel. All of this for only the price of parking.

Signature Lounge: The bar at the top of the John Hancock building would have been great had we been able to get anywhere near it, but alas there were just to many people. Combine the fact that we were tired and cranky after the wedding and a little bit snippy to each other and you have a rough experience all around. We knew we should have gone here earlier but it never worked out.


Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Posted by Brandon |

A blast from the past... Posted by Hello

I don't claim to be a professional movie critic. I've never studied film. I know nothing about producing a film or theory or any of that. What I know is what I like. The same goes for music. I just know what I like and one thing I really like is Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.

It's a ode to all the great sci-fi films of the past. It's a tribute and a parody without being cheeky or kitschy. It's a faithful reproduction of those ridiculous films except with tons of computer animation not plastic saucers on strings. It takes pieces from just about all of the old sci-fi movies and strings them together but not in a way that screams "I am so clever and funny, look at me, I love these old movies!" Instead they all seem to perfectly blend together into a cohesive package that ultimately becomes the directors own.

The computer animation even works really well. In a lot of cases I feel that computer animation has totally ruined the imagination and creativity that went into producing movies in the past. Where you once had to come up with totally new ways of doing things to produce the desired effect all you have to do now is take it to a computer. Basic everyday movies have animation in them now producing lazy efforts. If you are going to rely on computer animation you better go full tilt, pedal to the metal and give us something that we've never seen before. That is exactly what Sky Captain does.

Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow are great in their roles as hero and heroine (although Paltrow's character displays some of the classic heroine traits from the old movies she isn't helpless like most of the old movies portrayed the heroine). Angelina Jolie makes a short but sweet appearance stealing the couple of scenes that she appears in. Maybe it's the eye patch. And Sir Lawrence Olivier makes a quick appearance, see if you can find him.

Overall it's a really fun and interesting and a pretty film to watch. It's smart and stupid all at the same time and completely works on every level you would want it to work. The Down With Pants! crew gives it two pants down!


What Kind Of Parasite Are You??

Posted by Brandon |

I am a Tapeworm, the best kind of parasite one can be. If not a tapeworm than I wish I were one of those cool sucker fish that travels around on sharks. Nothing can quite beat that free ride.

Tickles the Tapeworm
Which Parasite Pal Are You? Take The Quiz.


It's My House!

Posted by Brandon |

Tooling around on the internet at work this morning looking at other blogs (because we've had one phone call so far)I found a link to TerraServer. TerraServer is a service where you can see an aerial photo of an area and explore it by zooming in and moving around and whatnot. So with very little difficulty, I was able to find my house...


If that isn't the dictionary definition of the word "bored", then I don't know what is.


The Starship Victoria

Posted by Brandon |

Yesterday afternoon I took my 1996 Ford Escort Wagon into the shop to get some work done on it. It's been acting a little bit strange for the past couple of weeks and needed to be checked out. I was recommended a mechanic by a co-worker so I took it there. Since this mechanic is in Lynnwood and I live in Seattle I needed to get a rental car. I chose this mechanic in part because they have on site rentals available.

Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine what car I would end up driving. I currently am rolling in a 1985 (a vintage year) Ford Crown Victoria LTD, the Starship of all cars. It is the classic definition of a land yacht. It is a pleasure to drive. It has the power and authority that I so have desired for many years.


However, as I exited the car and strode proudly into work I chuckled and looked back at the Starship and my jaw dropped in horror. All of this time I was driving around town with a "Protect Human Life" sticker on my back bumper. You know the one, it has the two blue heads.


So I walked inside work and grabbed myself a big black sharpie marker and blacked it out.


The mechanic called earlier this morning and broke the bad news. My car needs a new heater core which will run me about $465. This is a major repair but the car is still drivable. So after contemplating what to do with my car it came down to one thing. The sticker. Do I want to give my money to a company who lets one of their rental cars drive around with this sticker on it or should I try to find someone else? So, I'll be picking my car up and leaving the Starship behind complete with a blacked out sticker. My little escape pod and I will journey the galaxy to find ourselves a mechanic with a little less conservative values and a rental car that isn't so damn big.


We’re Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore

Posted by Brandon |

There is a great article by Garrison Keillor of a Prairie Home Companion that describes exactly how I feel. It is an excellent read and it appears to be an excerpt from his new book Homegrown Democrat which I would like to pick up after reading this article. I've always known that Keillor was a Democrat but always thought of his base as much more conservative despite being on NPR. Either I was wrong and this will really hit home for his followers or he will see a brutal backlash in the way that people like Linda Rondstadt or the Dixie Chicks have seen when they spoke their minds.


Jesus Was On My Side

Posted by Brandon |


Last night, sporting my new Bowling For Jesus bowling shirt (pictured above) , yours truly rocked the house for the Indy Pants bowling team. After starting out awful (my score was only 76 through seven frames) I turned it on and posted a respectable 133 in the first game. The next game I got off to a bad start with an open frame hitting only seven pins, but after that I turned it on. I got two strikes in a row and just barely missed the third. I spared the next two and continued playing well. I had one open frame in the middle that really hurt but I still bowled a 175 tying my career best. Hopefully this is the start of something good. I really felt like I got my rhythm down and I can't wait to bowl again next week.

Unfortunately as a team we really stunk. We were missing two people and the three others just couldn't get anything done barely breaking 100 in both games. We were resoundingly crushed by the a very annoying team. Oh well, we should have a full crew next week and hopefully will pull out a win.


Soap Lake's Giant Lava Lamp

Posted by Brandon |


The little town of Soap Lake, Washington was once a prime tourist destination because of the healing power of it's mineral rich Soap Lake. However the tourist dollar has totally dried up and Soap Lake has been looking for something to help it get going again. Yes, that's right, a giant Lava Lamp! Standing 60 feet tall and holding 60,000 gallons of ooze the Lava Lamp would be placed right in the middle of town and would easily be the tallest structure in miles and miles.

We here at Down With Pants are a bit skeptical that this thing will ever get built and more skeptical that it would ever really work. However, we love random roadside attractions and you can never have to many of them. Therefore we wholeheartedly support their effort to put Soap Lake back on the map. If you would like to donate to the cause, visit GiantLavaLamp.com. When you donate $15 or more you get a free, wickedly cool poster.


Our Labor Day Weekend

Posted by Brandon |

The Down With Pants! crew spent the Labor Day weekend on the road, taking a trip down I-5 stopping in the fine cities of Tacoma, Olympia and Portland. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and wanted to share the highlights. Think of the Portland part as a quick guide to spending two days there...


Throw Rag at Hell's Kitchen - The tattooed and pierced crowd was out in full-force on Friday night to see our heroes play and they didn't disappoint despite the absence of the washboard and butt trumpet player. By the way, Hell's Kitchen is a surprisingly nice Tacoma club. Best t-shirt sighting: Tacoma - 20,000 alcoholics can't be wrong.

Portland Saturday Market - Yummy food, interesting people and christmas gift purchases for Death? What else can you ask for in a public market.

Powell's City of Books - The PNW's greatest bookstore. You could literally spend days in here searching for what you want. We spent a good hour and a half and barely saw anything.

The Grotto - A beautiful chapel, an amazing grotto built into a cliff and holy water in the gift shop.

Delta Cafe - Awesome macaroni and cheese, catfish, potato casserole, collard greens, hush puppies, cornbread and sweet tea. Forties of Pabst available if you want one but I opted for the $1.25 single bottle. We highly recommended restaurant this restaurant.

Portland Beavers - Stinky game (8-0, Sacramento pounded the Beavs) but fun nonetheless.

Kennedy School - Stopped by for a quick nip. Drank a very nice Brandy while Death? had some port.

Tin Shed Garden Cafe - Death? had some amazing sweet potato bread french toast and I had some really good biscuits with bacon gravy. I ordered the "Everything Naughty" meal, while Death? ordered the "Everything Nice". Aren't we cute?

Japanese Garden - I have never seen a Zen garden and they have two.

Rose Garden - Now we know why they are called the Rose City. Never have I seen so many roses.


Oregon Zoo - I love this zoo. We are blessed with some good ones in the PNW and this might be the best. Feeding the Lorikeets was awesome.

Rocco's Pizza - Right across from Powell's, we stopped for a slice after seeing it the day before and drooling all over ourselves. Nothing like a pizza called the Red Menace.

Garden State - A very good movie. Natalie Portman is awesome in it. She is about as cute as it gets. A very realistic look at falling in love, changing and sacrifice. Death? liked it more than me mainly because I don't think Zach Braff is a very good actor. Nonetheless I liked it a lot.