Glenlivet! Dinner!

Posted by Brandon |

The other night while shopping at Target, we overheard a mother yell “come back here, Hennessy” at her child who was running down the aisle (and who could blame her).

Hennessy? Seriously? Considering the sheer amount of trashy people who are still idolizing 2Pac in this town (seriously, a grown ass person shouldn’t be caught dead in an airbrushed 2Pac t-shirt), it shouldn’t come as a surprise, they’re just keeping it real. Or did they name their child after the liquor that was responsible for their mistake? Either way, it’s kind of….I don’t know….awesome?

I guess if it’s good for Ventucky trash, it’s good enough for us to at least consider. We’ve more or less already decided on names for our kids, but I owe it to myself to at least explore the possibility of naming my child after my favorite way to get fucked up. I’m sure that it wouldn’t cause any problems in their future.

Here are the top ten names that I can think of off the top of my head that would be perfect. I’m sure there are others that could easily displace some of these, so feel free to give me some of your ideas. I don’t post my last name here, but let’s just assume that it rhymes with Sharks.

10. Sambuca – Nice alliteration, very exotic, Sam for short?
9. Seagram – Again, I’m loving the alliteration.
8. Belevedere – Keeping it real: Jay-Z and The Game name-drop it. But can he do anything but be a butler?
7. Stolichnaya – Again, nice alliteration. I don’t have a lick of Russian in me though.
6. Old Crow – My bloodline includes a Sioux Indian chief named Little Crow.
5. Tanqueray – Tank for short.
4. Absolut – Imagine how cool the Christmas cards could be.
3. Malibu – A tribute to our time in Southern California, but she’ll be stripping in no time.
2. Beefeater – “Hi I’m Beefeater, and I’m a vegan.”
1. Mad Dog – Alcohol or not, we have a winner. Welcome to the world Mad Dog!


Rattling The Kettle said...

What, no Boone's? Ganja?

anthony said...

This list makes me want to have kids. Or at least think about it.

Hilly said...

Well for alliteration, definitely Sambucca is the coolest and for like a total like val name, Malibu!

I can't wait to hear what the real names are :).

tom said...

Or maybe open up a whole new book of names based on the drinks the happy couple were having...Grasshopper, Stinger or maybe Suffering Bastard

Peeved Michelle said...

Midori. It's exotic.

Anonymous said...

The infiltration has made its way up here---At dinner the other night we had a girl behind us and her name was hennessey.......

Brandon said...

Tom - That's opening up a whole new can of worms. Thanks.

Michelle - Midori is pretty good, and Death?'s favorite drink is Midori Sours, Hmmmm...

Anon - Nooooo....not another Hennessy!