DWP! Mascot Challenge

Posted by Brandon |

Fried food and manure. These are the usual smells at the Ventura County Fair. But for one night those familiar aromas were replaced by felt and sweat as 52 wannabes turned out for the opportunity to become the first mascot in local blog Down With Pants! history.

Competition was fierce in front of a couple hundred drunken idiots at The Drunken Idiot Beer Garden Presented by Miller Chill. The judges had their work cut out for them trimming the first group of 52 down to six finalists. Here are a few of the highlights…

Stage 1 - The Interview:

Brandon From DWP! (Judge) – “So tell me why you want to be the mascot for Down With Pants!?”

Cayuga Beluga (Mascot): ….

“Ummm, ok. What mascots inspired you?”


“Uhhh...good answer. You don’t talk, do you?”

“Son of a bitch” (addresses the mascots) “Does anybody here speak?”

Aaarrrrthur the Pirate (mascot): “Aaarrrrr…”

Kristen Bell (Judge): “So why do YOU want to be the mascot for my secret boyfriend’s blog?”


“Did you watch the amazing Kristen Bell on the greatest show ever, Veronica Mars, before it was unjustly canceled”


"Oh Brandon, thank you so much! Let's make out."

“Sorry Kristen, I'm married, please stop stalking me. Congratulations Aaarrrthur, I guess you win the interview portion by default.”

Stage 2 - The Dance Competition:

Stan the Sperm courts an egg...

Pepi-Roni and his head stands...

Tu Tu the Goose Goose does the Rockaway...

Paul Abdul (Judge): "I thought all of you were absolutely incredible. Thank you for your courage and your talent."

“Are you Crazy Paula? What are you smoking? They all sucked ass. And how the hell did you get in here anyway you methed out psycho? Get the fuck out of here before I sick Aaarrrthur on you.”


Stage 3 - The Offend-Off:

The Finalists:

“I want to thank all of you for coming out tonight. And now for the...”

“Would you PLEASE hurry up so we can head up to my hotel room?”

"Kristen! I already told you no. Married. Remember? Aaarrthur! Keep an eye on her.”


"Thanks. Now here are the finalists...”

1. Tu Tu the Goose Goose
2. Aaarrrthur the Pirate
3. Chester the Molesting BLT
4. Kevin Federline
5. Flip the Cranky Mountie
6. Mike

Now it's your chance to choose DWP!'s mascot. Please vote below. You can vote as many times as you would like...

Thanks to Fun & Folly for selling the absolute worst mascot costumes ever.


Avitable said...

Don't you have a list of celebrities with whom you get a free pass? Don't say no to Kristen!

One of my employees hung out with her at Comic Con and said that she is exactly like her character - snarky, funny, and adorable.

Dave2 said...

I voted K-Fed, because he HAS to be good for something...

Whit said...

I too voted K-Fed, because his pants are actually down.

kapgar said...

Totally K-Fed. He has a cool first name, had the guts to leave that white trash bitch of a wife, and... okay, so there's no "and."