Your Religious Blog is Wrong

Posted by Brandon |

Last night I started surfing BlogMad for the very first time. I forgot that when you surf through those traffic exchanges, if you haven't set your banned categories, you will see ten political or religious blogs for every normal blog.

I hate political blogs unless they are written by someone who is actually in the know and even then, I shy away from them. But I especially hate religious blogs, not necessarily because I don't believe what they believe, but because they are boring as can be...but mainly because I don't believe what they believe. Stupidly, I made the big mistake of reading some of these blogs last night and it just made me angry. All of these writers are wrong, wrong, wrong. Here's a little scorecard to show you which religious blogs are wrong...

Christian blogs: WRONG

Muslim blogs: WRONG

Buddhist blogs: WRONG

Jew blogs: WRONG

Paganist blogs: WRONG

Atheist blogs: WRONG

Taoist blogs: WRONG

Zoroastrianist blogs: WRONG

Rastafarian blogs: WRONG

Pastafarian blogs: WRONG

All the other religious blogs: WRONG

There is only one true God that you should be writing about and I am going to let you in on the little secret that came to me in a dream one night. In my holy dream Billy Crystal spoke to me. He explained why his career had gone down the toilet and why we haven't heard from him in nine or ten years. He told me that he met a man while filming one of his last live action films that changed his life. This man set him free from the trappings of Hollywood fame, glory and excess by outshining him in a critically panned film. This once great star who shot to the top of the elite on the back of films like City Slickers and City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold was humbled by the sacrifice that this man showed and the mercy that he exhibited in taking a role that was sure to flop just to show Billy the true way.

He told me that when he went to thank this man, he just smiled, touched his nose, told him that his name was no longer Billy and from that day forward he would be known as Bhillyhe, and then disappeared into a puff of gold smoke. Bhillyhe became hysterical with joy crying and praising like never before. He knew that he had met God, and it was good, and he wanted to let me know that my suspicions about God all these years were true and that I should seek his knowledge and share it with the world.

That man, my friends, the one true God that Bhillyhe met and that I have suspected for years is none other than the 7 foot 7, former Washington Bullet center, Gheorghe Muresan...

Change your religious blogs now! They are not worth the time that you put into them. Seek and write about My Giant and you shall find your way.

When you do, please let me know so that I can take the religious category off of my banned surfing list on BlogMad. Thanks!


Avitable said...

I'd be interested to know more about Pastafarianism.

And I've already created an alternative religion: The Church of the Holy Avitableness. Blogging is a sacred ritual.

kapgar said...

You never addressed Daveology. Is that wrong as well?

snackiepoo said...

LMAO, remind me never to talk about my religion in my blog ;). Actually, I don't think blogs should be for politics or religion, as those are private things but what do I know?

I did happen to sit in the salon yesterday next to an 18 year old boy who was more educated on almost every religion than I am on mine....it made for an interesting Q and A session.

Brandon said...

Avitable - Pastafarians: Followers of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, the link is on my sidebar. The fact that your church believes in Veronica Mars is enough for me. I think Gheorghe would approve.

Kapgar - Daveology is fine with me. Muresan/Blogography, same thing.

Snackie - I post about politics and religion occasionally, I just don't usually like to get into it because I know that many of my friends have different beliefs than me. You can talk about religion all you want on your blog because I trust that you would be able to write intelligently on the topic and I wouldn't have any problem with it. The religious blogs that I see on BE or BlogMad are not intelligent.

The one that really set me off the other night basically called for the systematic extermination of Muslims and used biblical passages to back up his own personal holocaust. Most of the religious blogs I came across were anti-Muslim in a big way, almost to the point that I wanted to report it to some kind of authority because it was hate-speech that bordered on illegal.

Plus, I like worshipping false idols. It's my favorite commandment to break.

Janet said...

Religious, political and business bloggers walk to the beat of their own drums. It's a drum I'd like to beat for a different reason- to be honest.