4/19/2007

Orgasm Interrupted

Posted by Brandon |

Minutes ago I finally lost my freaking mind and now I couldn't be happier.

My downstairs neighbors, that disgusting slutbag bitch and her equally nasty boyfriend, started screaming hitting a very loud and utterly barfrific climax and I just had to do something. I've had to endure their nasty fucking for the last few weeks but usually it's quieter and goes on longer so I usually just turn on the radio really loud and drown it out. But tonight it was quick, loud and more disturbing than I can describe.

So I did what I should have done a long, long time ago. I jumped straight up in the air as high as I could, pulled my legs up at the top and stomped as hard as I possibly could on the floor. Consider the fact that I am 6 foot 4 and push three bills and I think that you can get a good idea of the sound that I made. I don't think the building has stopped shaking yet.

And then the best thing happened. The stupid bitch started coughing her ass off. She has one of the most unholy sounding smoker's coughs you have ever heard and usually I want to run screaming out the front door when I hear it. But tonight it was music to my ears because her fit began right after I stomped and lasted nearly five painful minutes. She has to be sore and totally worn out now because it sounded like a serious ordeal.

I was in a particularly piss poor mood because my softball team lost yet another game, this time by the score of 17-3 after losing 24-3 and 34-3 the last two weeks. Why can't I find myself just one winning team to play on? I am sick and tired of losing. I think my combined sports record since moving to Ventura is something like eight wins and fifty losses. It doesn't get much worse that that.

But now I'm in a better mood. I'm still a little pissed but at least I was finally able to take my frustration out on something. I've wanted to come into the dugout after some of these innings and go fucking buckwild on a jug of Gatorade but I don't want to embarrass myself by flying off the handle out in public. I much prefer to take it out on Trixie in the privacy of my own home.

6 comments:

DutchBitch said...

She was probably coughing from all the debris coming down from the ceiling, LMAO!

Karl said...

Hacking cough orgasms? Muy sexy.

kapgar said...

Nice job! I'm proud of you for standing up (and jumping) for your rights!

MC said...

If that was in a movie, I'd fucking cheer(the first half, not the latter).

Replicant said...

why are y'all still living in this apt is my question...

Brandon said...

Good question Replicant. We have thought about moving many times, but it's a nice, big, sunny apartment that is probably $100-$200 (maybe even $300) less than similar places. There is just one negative and there are times that I think that the extra $200 bucks a month would be worth it. Then I look at my bank account and wise up.

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