When you're married to a doctor and all of your peers are doctors, you can expect to have some pretty interesting, mostly disgusting conversations. Usually the really gross stuff goes over the heads of us non-doctors. Too many technical terms and big words complicate our conversations with the medical community. But occasionally a nasty subject comes up that everybody understands. Such was the case last night after Thanksgiving dinner.

Believe it or not, there are guys who really enjoy putting foreign objects up their butt. Every hospital in the country has at least one guy who comes in quite often needing to have something either forcibly or surgically removed from their ass. Every ER doc has at least one rectal removal story and the x-rays become hospital folklore.

It got me thinking about just how different these guy's outlook on life must be from mine. I see something and I see how it's used for everyday use. These guys must see things a little bit differently. For example (and these are real examples of things that the docs have seen guys come in with), when I see maracas...

...I envision myself playing salsa music. They remind me of elementary school music class when we got to play with the "ethnic" instruments like maracas and the fish. If I think of anything remotely sexual, I think of Charo shaking her "maracas".

And this bowling trophy...

...It reminds me of the bowling league that I was in back in Seattle and how we always came in second place, it reminds me of The Big Lebowski or it reminds me of garage sales where most everybody gets their bowling trophies.

I love avocados, but when I see and avocado I think of...


...guacamole! Mmmmm...guacamole. I could substitute avocados for the meat in my diet and I think I would be perfectly fine with that. That's what an avocado is good for. Perhaps they are thinking about guacamole too, but we have very different recipes.

It has to be a totally different world to these guys. Just thinking about them thinking about putting stuff up their butt has blown my mind. Throughout the day, I realized that if you don't mind really embarrassing, painful surgery every couple of months, the possibilities are endless.

Looking around the room right now I see a power strip. I found it in the closet this evening and I realized that I needed it to plug in a bunch of stuff in the living room. It didn't even cross my mind that I could use it to plug myself in the living room..

And yet, as we speak, somewhere in America there is a pervert having a powerstrip removed from his anus and another post-thanksgiving gross out story is being born.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eeewwww... I hear those stories from colleagues working the ER! LOL

Carol said...

I've heard similar stories from paramedic friends, the most notable of which involved a 2-litre Coke bottle. EWWW!!!

Avitable said...

The lightbulb episode from Scrubs is hilarious! And they have a butt box that has all the objects found in people's asses.

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