DOWN WITH PANTS!

I'm 6 foot 4, 290 some pounds. When I build up a head of steam, I'm a force to be reckoned with. A big guy like me doesn't have much in the way of agility or outstanding body control. What I have is the ability to run right through things or people without noticing too much. There aren't too many manly men who are willing to get in front of me and put their body in harms way. It's a dangerous thing to do, and the few people that have done it have had to pay the price.

However, during our soccer game tonight, I was on the far sideline and headed up field on a turnover. A perfect pass came my way and I, for almost the first time in my life, controlled the ball and took off on a run toward the goal. I felt like I was in the clear so while I was running at top speed I took a look up to see if anyone had broke towards the goal or if there was anybody to pass to.

All of sudden, out of nowhere, I was hit. All I felt was a head hit my chest and a lump crumble at my feet. Being as tall as I am and looking down field surveying my options, I looked right over the SCUD missile that was coming straight at me. A 5 foot 5, 110 pound, speedy blonde girl with absolutely no fear.

Feeling the contact, I weighed my options. Do I completely plow her over and keep going and risk hurting her and possibly get into a fight with one of her teammates, or do I pull off, give a little bit of a World Cup flop and try to draw the foul?

In that split second, I decided to pull off, it being co-ed rec soccer and all, and with help from her crumpled body underneath me, I took a flop (although, chances were that I was going down either way). Unfortunately, unlike a little bitch Italian (did you see the game today?), I didn't sell the flop at all. I popped back up and went after the ball, which by this time was too far away, so I didn't even get the call.

To top it off, little miss big balls jumped right back up with no ill effects. Not even a scratch. Just a "good tackle" from her teammates, a forced turnover on me, and the satisfaction of taking down a speeding freight train and living to tell the tale. My hat goes off to her.