The Lost Blogs - Day 5

Posted by Brandon |

Day 5 of the GBBMC to promote Pauly's new book, The Lost Blogs. Can you guess who my guest blogger is? Email me with your guesses or just leave them in the comments, I don't care. Four people have guessed correctly now, congratulations. This post pretty much gives it away, if you ask me. But if you can't get it check back on Saturday when I reveal who this Lost Blogger is.

The Hall of Fame Is "Peachy" To Me

I can't believe that I am about to say this, but I am having the time of my life this weekend. Who would have thought that a trip to Cooperstown in the middle of June would make such a great trip. The hunting has been outstanding, the fish have been biting and we are celebrating the career of the greatest baseball player in the history of the game. Me, the one and only.

Today is the day that I have been waiting for ever since '36 when I received more votes than any other player in the first induction class of the Baseball Hall of Fame. Even that fat son-of-a-bitch Ruth didn't earn as many votes. Today is the day they open the doors to this great shrine of baseball and proclaim Our Hero as the greatest, better than all of these other losers.

Out of the 25 guys elected, only eleven of them have survived long enough to be here today to dedicate my Hall: Pete Alexander (weak), Eddie Collins (nice style, spiked many times), Walter Johnson (meat), Napoleon Lajoie (cheating SOB), Connie Mack (old bag), George Sisler (the nearest thing to a perfect ballplayer, except for me), Tris Speaker (who?), Honus Wagner (Dutch bastard), Cy Young (meat times two), and Babe Ruth (the worst thing to ever happen to this game). This is the greatest collection of baseball players ever assembled in one place at one time, and I am very proud to be here to show my dominance over all of them.

But what more can be said about me? I have a lifetime average of .367, 297 triples, 4,191 hits, 12 batting titles (including nine in a row), three .400 seasons (topped by a .420 mark in 1911), and 2,245 runs. I played the game harder than anyone, tougher than anyone, and meaner than anyone.

I never backed down from anybody who messed with me. I always defended myself, my team, my wife and my family. When I beat that handless son-of-a-bitch heckler within an inch of his life and I was suspended for the rest of the season, my teammates had my back boycotting the next game forcing the league to reinstate me. They may not have liked me, but they knew that I was the greatest and they couldn't live without me.

Now the village of Cooperstown knows it, now Babe Ruth knows it, now baseball knows it, and now the world knows it. I am without question the greatest of all time and I have finally been vindicated. This is my Hall of Fame.


Belinda said...

I hope you had lots of emailed guesses, but after the first entry (which he did finally let me finish reading to him), Alex (husband) was just FREAKING OUT that anyone in the whole wide entire world wouldn't have guessed it on the first day. With every sentence, he would just ERUPT into "THAT WAS TY COBB!!!" And then I would have to listen to a 20-minutes dissertation on whatever fact you had just presented. It took us a LONG time to get to the final entry.

Example: Just now, in my left ear, from Hubby--"Who else would have come into the stands just to kick a guy's ass?"


"He always said he would have played for free."


"He was an S.O.B., though."


"You should have been asking me about a lot of these, probably."

and the quote about how he'd only bat around 299/300 against today's pitchers, "because I'm 70 f***ing years old!"

Oy. I'm going to be hearing about this for a while, and I bet you anything that "Cobb" shows up in our Netflix queue within the week. Thanks a LOT. ;-)

Karl said...

Even though I'm clueless about sports, I enjoyed your writing style this week. You really gave your blogger his voice. Very descriptive.