4/11/2006

The Lost Blogs - Day 2

Posted by Brandon |

Day 2 of the GBBMC to promote Pauly's new book, The Lost Blogs. Can you guess who my guest blogger is? Email me with your guesses. And my guest blogger has informed me that he will be live blogging tonight so look for updates all night long...



The Race


Took the last two games off, I can barely see because of these eyes of mine. But it's the last game of the season and my .385 average should hold up if that French son-of-a-bitch doesn't go off today in St. Louis. I decided that I should try my hand at this "live blogging" thing that everybody is doing these days. So for the next couple of hours I'll be following the games on the teletype and updating you on how that bastard is doing. New posts will be on the bottom...

Game One: 1st Inning - Damn, Chris Berman is typing the game. I hate that fat bastard. I get the point, you know the suburbs. Shut up and call the game. Nap will bat in a few minutes.

1st Inning - The bastard bunts for a base hit. They must have the grass cut tall or something tonight. I'd like to give that groundskeeper a good beating. - 1-for-1

3rd Inning - That French SOB tripled this time. I don't know how his ancient legs could get him all the way to third, but somehow he did it. Sounds like the outfielders weren't exactly busting ass to get that ball either. 2-for-2

4th Inning - Speaking of groundskeepers, have I ever told you the story about how I choked the life out of the wife of a negro groundskeeper in Augusta a few years ago. That's a funny one, maybe I'll tell you later.

5th Inning - Another bunt. He just dropped it down the line toward that rookie Corriden who barely made an effort. Why would he be playing all the way back on the outfield grass? Nap already bunted once. Just doesn't make any sense. - 3-for-3

6th Inning - Brandon just IM'ed me and said "I opened the door to throw my freshly washed clothes in the dryer and found ten dryer sheets from someone's previous load. What happened? Did they skip the washing part of doing laundry?." Ummm...Who is Brandon and what the hell is a dryer sheet?

7th Inning - Another goddamn bunt. What the hell is that lump Corriden doing? Apparently he was just standing on the outfield grass again. Why would any third baseman in his right mind play Frenchy way back there? He's getting the sharp side of my spikes as soon as I see him next season. - 4-for-4

Game One Final - 4-for-goddamned-4! A triple and three bunt base hits! That bastard is trying to shove it up my ass. Oh Nellie how I wish I was on that field. I would take my bat and smash Corriden's skull in right in two. What the hell is that rook doing? Of course he wouldn't try that if I was there. He knows better than that.

Game Two: 1st Inning - Well, Frenchy is in the lineup and leads off with yet another bunt single, this time to the shortstop. He just made my "too spike" list. I'm going to have a lot of work to do next season. - 5-for-5

2nd Inning - Another IM from Brandon. He keeps raving about how he hates Rory's boyfriends and how stupid Lorelai is acting and on and on and on. Between you and me, I think this Brandon fella is a bit of fruit. Welcome to the spike list Brandon.

3rd Inning - Finally, Frenchy makes an out. Things are looking up for Our Hero. - 5-for-6

5th Inning - Surprise, surprise, bunt single. That old catfish is starting to creep up on me now. He's getting up there. Corriden didn't even bother charging that one. No throw, no nothing. Nap could have walked to first. - 6-for-7

6th Inning - OMG! I just found the funniest story about that fat bastard Chris Berman. Click here and here to read more.

7th Inning - Bunt single. Corriden? Dead! - 7-for-8

9th Inning - This should be Nap's last at-bat. GODDAMNIT! HE LAID DOWN ANOTHER BUNT SINGLE AND CORRIDEN DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING! OH THAT IS IT, THAT BOY IS GONE, I'LL BEAT HIM LIKE I BEAT SIEVER. HE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. NOBODY MESSES WITH OUR HERO LIKE THAT AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALES. - 8-for-9

Game Two Final - A triple and seven bunt singles, six to Corriden and one to the shortstop. 8-for-9 on the day. But after doing the math it looks like Our Hero is still on top. No matter: Corriden? Dead! Frenchy? Dead! O'Connor? Dead! Brandon? Dead! Niedermeyer? Dead!

6 comments:

Karl said...

And once again...I have no bloody idea. I like the "live blogging" idea. Well done.

groovebunny said...

For the first time in my life I really wish I followed baseball. :)

Mikey said...

I am not a sports fanatic so I'm a lost blogger.

Jules said...

which, i suppose, makes me lost blogger #2

Eden said...

I admit, I have no idea. The "Chris Berman" typing thing makes me think someone from circa 1980, like when ESPN first appeared. The use of "negro" makes me think either it's before that or someone who was kind of old at that time. Then getting an IM really threw me. And the "Animal House" quotes at the end? No idea at all. ;)

Brandon said...

Ok, the Berman reference, the IM, the Animal House reference were just thrown in for fun. Remember, we have to assume that these guys have some kind of technology to be blogging in the first place. These aren't just diary entries, they are supposed to be blog posts.

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