Will I GET To Go Insane?

Posted by Brandon |

Have you ever read or heard something that, on the surface seems innocuous, but you find so absurd that it rattles around in your head and you can't stop thinking about it until either you get an explanation or you pound your head on your desk until you blackout?

Well, I read something over at Blogography that has been driving me crazy since I read it and now I need to call Avitable out to explain. In one of Dave's posts about Seattle, crappy tourists and Starbucks, Avitable left a comment that included the line:

"My wife gets to go to Hoquiam for the third time in a year shortly for business."

Now, there are two things wrong about this statement. But before I go into them, I will assume that most of you have no idea where or what Hoquiam is. I grew up about 45 minutes from Hoquiam and spent a summer working there so I know a little bit out the town, so let me explain.

Hoquiam is a small town (9,000 residents) located on beautiful Grays Harbor near the Washington coast. It once was a booming logging town along with its neighbor Aberdeen but as the logging died off, so did Hoquiam. Now it shares the problems that go along with having virtually no economic base and being the neighbor to one of the most crime-ridden and meth ravaged cities in Washington. Hoquiam also suffers from being shrouded in almost constant cloud cover giving it a very depressed aura. There basically are four things to do in town: talk about Hoquiam High School football, attend the annual Logger's Playday, visit Kurt Cobain's hangouts in Aberdeen (he grew up there), and finally, get the hell out of Hoquiam.

With that in mind, my first problem with Avitable's statement is that unless you are a masochist, one doesn't "get" to go to Hoquiam, they "have" to go to Hoquiam. Most would consider going to Hoquiam, at best, an inconvenience if not a punishment, especially if there are numerous trips involved.

The second thing that really has left me scratching my head is that I can't conceive of any situation in which a company in Florida is doing business with a company in Hoquiam. There aren't that many companies in Hoquiam and most of them are of the Mom & Pop variety or are daily yard sales. I suppose there are a lot of people selling their possessions to Floridians on eBay, but other than that, I can't figure it out.

So I hope that Avitable is either able to give me an explanation of the situation (one that I'm sure will make sense) or will let me know that he was trying to type sarcasm. If not, this might be my last post ever because I will end up in the hospital in a persistent vegetative state after my mind turns to mush pondering this trivial statement.


Avitable said...


I should have typed "gets" to go to indicate the sarcasm. She likes Seattle, and even enjoys staying in the Hoquiam Castle, but it's a little too small for her to spend the week or two that she does.

She's a banking attorney that's part of a huge national banking software company, and she travels to local banks all around the country advising them on regulatory issues and consulting with them on their procedures.

Dave2 said...

I always thought that Hoquiam was supposed to be "Washington's Friendliest City." At least that's what they put on all the brochures...

Brandon said...

Avitable - Thank god it was sarcasm and the bank thing does make sense, I forgot about banks. Now I kind of wish I wouldn't have asked because the scenarios that I have been pondering were much better.

At least she gets to stay at Hoquiam Castle, that's a nice place. But what does she do though? Go out to Ocean Shores and gamble? That's probably what I would end up doing the whole time.

Dave - It might be one of the friendliest cities in the state, but that doesn't make it any less depressing.

By the way, I once got my hair cut at a barber in Hoquiam. Lots of barbers have magazines like Playboy around, but he had Penthouse and Hustler as well. It was very weird.

Avitable said...

She watches TV and walks around. That's really about it.

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