DWP! Suggestion Box Day 3: Movies I Hate

Posted by Brandon |

Thanks to Dave for the awesome suggestion (all of the suggestions have been great so far). I still need a suggestion for Friday so leave them in the comments please...

Five movies that I hate (or hated so much at the time that I couldn't continue watching) with a passion (in chronological order for no particular reason)...

Powder (1995) - Oh boy, the little Albino freak has special powers and changes everybody around him. Well, I never got that far because I had to leave and demand my dollar back (Olympia still had the great $1 theater downtown at that point). All I could think about was the fact that director and writer Victor Salva is a convicted child molester. Knowing that fact alone made nearly every one of the film's wretched scenes creepy and wrong.

2. Mr. Wrong (1996) - Another movie that I paid a dollar to see, left halfway through and demanded my dollar back (the guy couldn't give me a dollar from the till, but gave me a dollar of his own and apologized for the movie. I left it on the counter when he turned his back). Mr. Wrong starred a pre-out of the closet Ellen Degeneres and Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman, whichever one was in Spaceballs. It just wasn't funny in the least bit. It wasn't even bad enough to be funny. It was just plain bad. It was Ellen's first chance at being a lead actress and she blew it with this piece of shit wrapped up in a bag of garbage. Notice how she hasn't been in any other movies? This is the greatest reason of them all.

3. Happiness (1998) - One of the most critically acclaimed independent films of all time, so there should be no surprise that it is also one of the most boring movies of all time. There wasn't a single character in this film that I liked, rooted for, sympathized with or enjoyed getting to know. I'm sure that was partially the point, but I don't really care. I don't go to the movies to see middle aged people who are bored with themselves and their lives and don't do anything about it except masturbate against a wall. And that was the best scene in the film. At least there was a one climax in this movie.

4. Holy Smoke (1999) - Another indie film that got rave reviews, Holy Smoke starred Harvey Keitel (who was red-hot at the time) and Kate Winslet. It sounded like an interesting enough premise. Keitel is hired by the parents of Winslet's parent to de-program her after falling under the influence of a religious guru but meets his match in Winslet. I don't remember it that well, but I remember that I thought the story was so stupid, the characters so annoying and, if I remember correctly, the drug tripping scenes (there were multiple ones) totally retarded. I ended up just fast forwarding through it to see if anything interesting happened or if Winslet got naked. She did, quite a few times, but that still didn't make it worth the rental fee.

5. Punch-Drunk Love (2002) - Possibly the movie I hate more than any movie ever. Another film that got rave reviews, Adam Sandler stars in this, his first serious role. Nothing happens throughout the entire film. Nothing. Maybe something does late, but I don't think so, we fast forwarded through it just to see if there was some kind of payoff, but there wasn't. I could only take so much of the one camera angle and Sandler sitting there doing absolutely nothing for about half an hour. Nothing made any sense and there wasn't a plot that I could pick out. Death? and I just started screaming at the screen. "FOR GOD SAKES! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" Even in fast-forward it was slow moving and boring. God I hate this movie! If you liked it tell me the reason, because I really can't understand why anybody would.

Bonus movie: Kids (1995) - Actually, I really liked this film. It is really depressing and awful but still very interesting and memorable. What I hated about it was that I happened to see it at the Capitol Theater in Olympia at a sold out screening with about 300 kids who didn't get the point of the movie. I think most of them thought it was a really funny biography made about their lives. I lost a lot of hope for my generation that night and Kids was to blame.