DWP! Suggestion Box Day 1: Dwarves

Posted by Brandon |

Thank you to Rob for suggesting this subject. I need subjects for Day 2 and the rest of the week so please, I beg of you, leave me a comment with what you want me to write about...

I have to say, Dwarves (or little people if we are acting PC) creep me the fuck out. I have never personally met even one midget so the majority of my experiences have been from television. Thus, for the most part, I have only ever seen them acting crazy. I will always have the image of Bushwick Bill jumping on that guy and beating the shit out of the pavement in the Ghetto Boy's "My Mind is Playing Tricks On Me" video. Or Verne Troyer drunk and naked on the Surreal Life. Or Tom Cruise jumping around on a couch during Oprah. Midgets acting crazy, that is what I know.

In fact, on Sunday I was in Hollywood and we were roaming around outside of the Hollywood and Highland Center where all the freaks dress up in costume and we came across Chucky slashing children's throats. Seriously, there was a midget dressed up in a Chucky costume walking around and approaching children from behind and putting the knife right up to their necks and laughing his ass off. If I was a child I would have nightmares for the rest of my life of this lunatic. But since he was a cute little Dwarf dressed up in costume, nobody seemed to mind.

I guess, the point of this post is to urge everybody to treat Dwarves or Little People or Midgets or whatever just like everybody else. If a Dwarf sneaks up on your child and puts a knife to his throat, don't laugh, punch the dude right in the mouth. If Verne Troyer starts peeing all over the place, lock that little shit in a bathroom. If Tom Cruise starts mouthing off to you about Scientology, kick him in his wee itty bitty groin.

Midgets are people just like you and me, and just like a lot of normal sized people, some of them deserve a good ass kicking. But before you do pick on a midget remember Bushwick Bill beating up the pavement because some of those little fuckers can probably fight better than you. Except for that pussy Tom Cruise, you don't have to worry about him.