Mittie AKA Oven Mitt

Posted by Brandon |

Inexplicably, the Down With Pants! crew made a pit stop at Arby's last week and while in the drive thru spotted the above recall notice. Mittie, as we have taken to call him and who we think may be the long lost cousin of South Park's Towelie, completely threw us for a loop. After knocking around quite a few theories and doing some research on Arbys.com I have finally put together all the pieces and present you with a detailed summary of the events leading up to the posting of this vague recall notice...

October 20th - 2:35 PM - Blaine, Arby's marketing guru, quips in afternoon meeting, "we should come up with a little mascot thingy that we can put on a bunch of crap and sell around the holidays."

October 20th - 10:00 PM - Mark, one of Arby's college marketing intern, goes home after a long day of unpaid work, gets stoned and passes out while watching Comedy Central. Towelie episode plays during drug induced dream in which intern is named CEO after Mittie craze sweeps the nation.

October 21st- 8:30 AM - Mark returns to work, pitches idea, is promptly given an "F" and sent back to Bowling Green State University where he will continue his education for the next 8 years and misses graduating by only five credits, his internship.

October 21st - 8:35 AM - As soon as intern leaves building, work begins on new Mittie campaign, Blaine takes credit.

October 21st - 8:42 AM - After minutes of research and development and millions of dollars paid to an ad agency, Mittie is born. Only Mittie isn't a good enough name. Instead, they will call him Oven Mitt and trademark the moniker.

November 1st - 11:32 AM - In a moment of regret and guilt after learning that his secretary is pregnant and he is the father, Blaine decides to use Oven Mitt for good. "We shall sell Oven Mitt at our stores, for $1.99 to raise money for a charity. Which one, I'm not sure. Either Big Brothers/Big Sisters or Pro-Choice America."

November 5th-15th - Oven Mitt craze suddenly sweeps the nation. Arby's is flooded with bigs purchasing Oven Mitt for their littles (Pro-Choice America abandoned after secretary realizes that morning sickness was probably caused by a bad Beef and Cheddar eaten during a romantic dinner with Blaine).

November 6th-16th - Thousands upon thousands of children rushed to emergency rooms with second degree burns on their hands after trying to cook their bigs a "thank you" cake in a beautiful goodwill gesture. Thousands of chocolate-peanut butter-Gatorade-gummy worm surprise cakes ruined.