Ask The Pantsless Pontificate

Posted by Brandon |

First of all, let me welcome my new blogexplosion renter over in my links area, The Bloggin' Bizatch. She ain't no small time renter either. She's a nominee for Most Humorous Blog and a member of the DWP! blogroll when her time as a renter ends. I feel like I'm the owner of a rent control apartment in Manhattan who just rented to Donald Trump for $300 a month. Just kidding.

Anyway, onto other business. It is time for another edition of Ask The Pantsless Pontificate. If you need advice please email me at downwithpants@gmail.com and I'd be happy to dispense some of my great wisdom. Now, on with the show...


"I'm addicted to.....pink. Should I seek help? Am I normal? Will my friends still like me? Any advice would be helpful!" - Pink Up in Kalgary, Eh?

Pink officially is the most versatile color out there, PUKE. It can be worn in any situation.

Going for a barbie doll look? You have to wear some pink, it's traditional. Heading to the punk rock show? Wear yourself some pink, it is so ironic.

You are going to be the hippest most coolest kid wherever you go if you wear pink all the time. The key is to accessorize with other colors depending on the situation. White and pastels for the country club set and black for the punks.

Get yourself pink wristbands and a black t-shirt, that would be perfect. You would be the belle of the ball at the business ladies conference or at the Simple Plan concert.


"Is there something wrong with single men in their late 20's that makes them incapable of taking interest in women of the same age? Obviously nothing wrong with the married ones. For whatever reason, I seem to be getting propositioned by most of the married men I work with. Making me wonder if I have a tattoo, that only married men or men that are older than my mother can see, across my forehead that reads, "Let's have sex." Other than the married men, I usually seem to only attract the attentions of those who are older than my mom. What gives?" - Troubled And Tired of Taken and Older Ogres

Men in their late 20's typically think that women between 18 and 24 are the same age as them, TATTOO, no matter what age they look. That's just the way it works. It's sad, but it's true. I think a lot of guys stay 25 until they turn 30, maybe even 35. Thus, women in their late 20's seem much older than they really are and unless you are much, much older, say late 30's and smoking hot, guys in their late 20's are not interested.

Older guys have nothing to lose, especially if they are single, so they are trying to hit the home run with you before they go back to the silver haired foxes their own age. You can't begrudge them that can you?

Married guys are constantly testing their own boundaries. Most women who work with a married man will eventually get at least a subtle proposition. Don't read too much into it though. These men are usually just seeing if they still have "it".

So basically I have shot you down in every aspect. Before, you might have been at least flattered by the advances of older and married men. Now you realize that it isn't you, it's them.

But you should keep your head up because guys your own age are going to come around soon. A man's late 20's and early 30's is when the good guys wise up and start understanding women their own age. Its the time that they realize that they are no longer college dudes and that bullshit doesn't fly. That's where you come in and knock their socks off and let them know what they have been missing all these years.

In the meantime you should just enjoy being single or seriously consider laser removal. It's the only way you will ever get rid of those old, married bastards.


"What do you do when your brother-in-law has too much time on his hands?" - Sassy In Spokane

Touche! That's easy, SIS. Buy him lots of high priced electronic toys, of course.