Dear Asswipe:
On behalf of every normal person seeing the Bad News Bears at the Century Stadium Theaters in Ventura Friday night, I'd like to say, fuck you.
Fuck you for getting up four times and plowing over everyone in your row to get out. Fuck you for chatting with your "dog" while the movie was playing. Fuck you for checking your cell phone every five minutes. And especially, fuck you for getting into a fight (and nearly a brawl) in the theater as soon as the movie ended.
In exchange for my role in breaking up the fight, I have taken the A's cap that someone knocked off your fat fucking head. Unfortunately, since you are a nasty fucker who likes to pick his pimples and lets them bleed into his hat, I can't wear it. But I didn't think you deserved to get it back so it is now in my possession. If you somehow see this and want it back email me at downwithpants@gmail.com and I'd be happy to send it to you, one little piece at a time you fucking shit head.
Peace and love, you ugly son of a bitch,
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