Weekend at John Paul's

Posted by Brandon |

It's starting to sound like the Pope is finally going to give up the good fight and pass away sometime in the next couple of days. I personally think he's probably been dead for quite some time now but they wanted to get him through the major Catholic holidays and then, surprise, surprise, suddenly have him die after Easter. I think it's been like a Weekend At Bernie's kind of thing at the Vatican for the past couple of months. Prop old John Paul up on a couple of Cardinal's arms and voila, one super animated and obviously alive Pope to reassure the masses.

Death? told me today that she heard a story about someone who was asked the question "if everyone in the world died except for two people, who would you choose to repopulate the world?" The person answered the Pope and Mother Teresa. Good choices I suppose, but the mind boggles at the problems these two would encounter and how their offspring might turn out.

First of all, the Pope is celibate and Mother Teresa is married to Jesus. Personally I don't think you can cheat on Jesus, that's probably not allowed. Although I'd be willing to bet that Jesus and the Pope have some kind of "sloppy seconds" gentleman's agreement between them that would allow them to get it on.

On the other hand, maybe these two are the perfect choices. They are Catholic after all and if they can get past the celibacy thing than most likely they would churn out baby after baby after baby. I doubt birth control would be any kind of problem. Plus after a lifetime of celibacy even Mother Teresa would look pretty damn good.

Now before you go commenting about how insensitive I am let me just say this. I know, I most likely am going to hell. You're right, this probably isn't the right time or place for a post like this. However, it isn't everyday that you think about the Pope, Andrew McCarthy and sloppy seconds. If today isn't a good day, than when is? Personally, I think it's as good a day as any other.