DOWN WITH PANTS!

(Olympia, WA) - In a surprising move Wednesday morning, Brandon DWP! has announced that he is conceding the race for Thurston County Public Utilities District Commissioner to Alan Corwin. Currently Corwin holds a 53% lead over incumbent Bud Kerr (47%) and DWP! (0%).

"We are extremely disappointed that we couldn't make it a closer race," said DWP! in a statement. "How do you lose to a retiree and a guy who is moving and would have to give up his post anyway? Maybe next time I'll try to actually get on the ballot."

DWP! wasn't on the ballot for the election but the polls showed that his write-in campaign was gaining momentum. Of likely voters surveyed, 100% said they were voting for Brandon.

"I guess that poll may have been a little bit biased," continued DWP! "We probably should have talked to more people than Death? and myself. Nonetheless we thought we had a good chance at winning this thing but the citizens of Thurston County have spoken. Enjoy your stinking water you bastards!"