The Return of the Best Man

Posted by Brandon |

I'm back. I have been in my hometown for the past week so I could be the best man in my best friend's wedding. It was a simple, Lutheran wedding followed by a slow-to-get-going but eventually wild reception. Once the DJ started playing some good tunes people got excited and there ended up being more dancing than at my wedding, which was kind of a surprise. We had a great time and I couldn't be happier for my buddy and his new wife. I hope they are enjoying Cabo.

At the reception, I gave a toast for the first time. I was really happy with it. It seemed to get a lot of laughs and was well received around the room and luckily, the bride and groom both enjoyed it. So in lieu of real content, I bring my first toast to you, in all of it's glory (names truncated for some reason or another)...

Hi Everybody. I'm the best man Brandon. I have known J (the groom) since the 7th grade when we were both in "C" hall at Chinook Middle School and we have been best friends ever since. J has been such a great friend. I have moved around the country quite a bit and have been kind of a flake from time to time, I'm not very good about making phone calls, I'm not the best candidate for a best friend. But through it all, there have only been a couple of people who have put up with me: my parents, my wife and J. So thank you for being such a great friend.

I just have to say how relieved I am that J made it here today. Throughout the years there have been many, many injuries. The first injury I remember was when somebody fell on top of him and broke his arm. It was just foreshadowing things to come. Let's see, we've had a broken arm, a torn groin, a dislocated kneecap, a torn ACL, he ran over his hand with the dough mixer at the Pizza Place, a ruptured appendix. In fact, I asked him if he wanted to go play basketball earlier this week and he said that he couldn't run the risk of breaking something this close to the wedding.

But I'm very happy that the surgeons and doctors were able to put him back together so he could meet his match in C (the bride). I'm not totally sure when I first met C officially, although I do know that these two met while golfing in high school. But my first memory of C was a night in Pullman when a group of us, including J and C, wandered around town crashing parties. The night was innocent enough, just good clean fun, but somehow or another it ended in a wrestling match. J was fighting for C's honor, years before they were to become an item. Despite the fact that the match ended with J in a sleeper hold, immobilized, covered with rug burns and bruises, I knew right then that J was serious about this girl. An embarrassing display like that was destined to lead somewhere, eventually. In fact, I heard that when J proposed to C, her first words after "Yes" were "You had me at OUCH! YOU'RE BREAKING MY NECK!"

So when J told me that he was dating C a couple of years ago I was very, very happy because I knew that it was meant to be. I knew this day was coming and now that it is here, I just have to say that you guys make a great couple and I know that you will be very happy together. A girl with a single digit handicap and a guy who is lucky to not be handicapped, how could it get any better than that. (I missed that last line, I got a little choked up and forgot it and mumbled something else)

So let's raise our glasses up and toast two things. First, N and L's (groom's parents) health insurance and the miracle of modern health care. And to J and C. May married life always be straight drives and fairways and if not, may you always chip out of the rough. Cheers!


kapgar said...

Nicely done! I especially like the final toast.

I did a great best man's speech at my best friend's wedding about six or seven years ago. Apparently his family still talks about it. Thankfully using positive terms.

Kate the Peon said...

Nice speech indeed! I think it's cute that you got choked up.

Anomie-Atlanta said...

Hilarious, but touching. Much better than the toasts at my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago.

"J" The groom's brother said...

Yes "B" the speech was excellent! I know that "J" and "C" really appreciated it.