It's fucking hot, it's fucking humid and none of us have air conditioning. That means that every single person in this neighborhood has their doors and windows wide open hoping to get a little bit of a breeze. Since it isn't at all windy either, most of us are cranky, especially me.

The last thing we need to hear is a high decibel concert by some crappy country band and your white trash ass having a high decibel argument with your shirtless boyfriend on your patio. I don't care one bit about how all you need "is what I have here....nothing", or how asswipe and his friends "spend money like water" or "I LOVE YOU! NO, NO, I FUCKING LOVE YOOOOUUUU!!!!!" I also don't think that the little kids that run around our driveway need to hear the F-Word ten times per minute (I counted).

Either go inside and close all of your doors to have your psycho-babble, alcohol fueled bitchfest or shut the fuck up! It is too hot to have to hear your arguing, followed by a country karaoke duet, followed by more arguing, all the while smelling your smoke wafting through my open windows. You're lucky that I am exhausted from sweating my balls off all day, or else this letter would have been vocalized to your face. Your arguing nearly made me do it, I was so close to snapping.

Also, if you are going to have loud, disgusting makeup sex, for god's sake, close some windows. At least you had the courtesy to do that inside, although, it was so loud that you easily could have been outside on the patio again. Yuck!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go curl up like a sweat soaked baby and try to sleep despite that gross, satanic moaning running through my head. Between that and this heat, I think I may have a long night ahead of me.

Have a great week, you ugly, ear-splitting whore,


snackiepoo said...

OMG - you have me laughing my ass off here; seriously - amen, brotha! I would be indicted for murder if I had no a/c and had to listen to white trash gabbery.

Karl said...

How the hell do you survive without air conditioning, seriously? Why is it that there are so many people on the Pacific coast without freaking AC?

Don't you think a lot of potential deaths could have been avoided with air conditioning?

Brandon said...

Snackie - It nearly came to that today, luckily it was at 5:00 PM. If it was later like it usually is with her, I would have freaked the fuck out and gone ballistic.

Karl - This is really the first weekend where I have thought that I needed A/C since living in California. There have been some hot days, but ususally there is a nice breeze off the ocean or it isn't so muggy. But today was miserable. I had to go see a movie just for a little relief. I almost went to, *gasp*, the mall to cool off but then I decided that Old Navy would probably piss me off even more.

kapgar said...

You did NOT almost go to the mall! The hell you say!

Avitable said...

Wow. When I lived in Burbank, I don't know how I would have lived without AC. Even on hot days, it can get so stagnant.

Brandon said...

Kevin - It's true. I was this close. I live two blocks from the mall and yet other than to go to the Coffee Bean or to CPK I've only been there maybe five times in the year I've lived here.

Avitable - That's why I'm glad I don't live in the basin. Ventura usually stays nice and cool.

Schadenfreude said...

Lived in the South Bay for my first 18 years, my parents installed one AC unit, in their bedroom 2 years before I went to college back east, I think I needed to dip in there 3 times ever to escape the heat, otherwise windows were fine.

Thankfully we didn't have trailer sex happening a few feet away -- my condolences.