DOWN WITH PANTS!

What's the problem? Was yesterday's post too narrow or do you all hate Greenlanders as much as I do? Oh well. But today's post is actually serious. No tongue in cheek whatsoever here. It probably shouldn't even be part of Let's See If I Can Piss Someone Off Week (although it will probably piss more people off than any other post), but what the hell, I have nothing else...

Today, Houston Comets forward Sheryl Swoopes came out of the closet and announced that she was gay. I think it is great for her that she has decided to not be worried about this any more and live her life like she wants, just like all of us heteros do everyday.

This announcement caused a little bit of talk on ESPN Radio today, most of which was the typical male response, "lesbians in the WNBA, what a big surprise, isn't the whole league lesbian?" Or the typical dismissing and marginalizing all women athletes in general.

But what really pissed me off, and the argument that pisses me off more than anything when people try to talk about homosexuality, is the whole "I don't want to hear about your sexuality. We don't flaunt our heterosexuality, why do gays come out and flaunt their homosexuality?" This is what ESPN's Colin Cowherd argued this morning about the announcement while still trying to remain un-homophobic.

That is the most retarded and ignorant argument ever argued about anything. Virtually every single moment of the day is taken up with the flaunting of heterosexuality. You can't go more than five feet without someone talking about their wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, or the chick or dude that they think is so fucking hot, or seeing an ad obviously targeted at heterosexuals, or you see some intensely high levels of hetero PDA. But when one person comes out of the closet, it's "oh, they should just keep that to themselves."

Heterosexuality is shamelessly promoted at every single turn. Sometimes you hear homophobes say "if they can have a gay pride parade, why can't we have a straight pride parade?" You know why? Because every single day is a straight pride parade on every street corner, on every television station, in every office, at every shitty nightclub. How often do we really see gay culture face-to-face? Maybe once or twice a day at the most?

If you are going to make this argument, then the only way I can respect your opinion is if you practice what you preach. Try going through your life without ever being affectionate in public with your significant other or even mentioning them to anyone else. Try changing your mannerisms or dress to look less hetero than you currently do. Try not playing slowpitch softball because it is too "straight".

Just try to be an un-sexual being like you are asking gays to be, I would love to see how miserable you would be at it. If you can't, well then you have to stop using that argument because it is bullshit and makes you a homophobe even if you don't want to be. You are just going to have to get over it and enjoy your straight to gay ratio of 2880:1 or so.