I'll Write You a Letter Week

Posted by Brandon |

I just overheard my downstairs neighbor scream at someone on the telephone, "SEE YA! WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA!" That's right, she is 12 (not really, she is, like, 35-40. But she smokes so she might be 25).

This event reminded me of the letter that I wrote to her one night last year after a particularly awful display. I've written quite a few more letters since then (click here, here, here) and I feel that I am starting to hone this craft (albeit with a ton grammatical errors, I hate reading old posts sometimes).

I have decided to offer my services in letter writing to you, my loyal Down With Pants! revolutionaries. If you have someone that is really ticking you off or you just need to say something offensive to them but want to do it discreetly and anonymously, please leave me a comment or email me at downwithpants@gmail.com with who you would like me to write to and a little bit of the story.

Next week I will post one letter each day and also, if you would like, send you a copy on official Down With Pants! letterhead to be distributed to this offender. I'll take the first five suggestions and guarantee you a letter next week. If more people are interested, I will take a look at those on a case-by-case basis.

Keep your head up and your pants down!


I Love You Death?!

Posted by Brandon |

Last week, Death? said that we should name our first child Optimus Prime. How cool is that? What a wife! I bet you guys are jealous now.


Guy I Might Go Gay For 5

Posted by Brandon |

There is this great video that they have been playing on MTV Espanol lately by the reggaeton artist Calle 13. Every time I see it while flipping through the channels I have to stop because the song is great and the video is interesting.

The video for Atrevetete features Calle 13 (pictured above) delivering papers on his bike in a suburb of identical houses with identical blondes dancing around. It's a great video that defies description so you have to see it to get the idea...

Death? accused me of only liking the video because of the blondes in short skirts dancing around. I won't lie, they are nice, but it isn't the real reason I like this video. I couldn't quite put my finger on why I liked it so much until I found his page on MySpace.

And then it struck me. The real reason I like this video as much as I do is because I have a little man-crush on Calle 13. He's just so cute, but in a masculine Puerto Rican kind of way. I never thought I would like a guy who shaves designs into his hair, but whatever, they work for me here.

And you have to love the attitude and style. Puerto Rican reggaeton is dominated by bitches and hos, crunk style rappers. Most of it is complete garbage. But here is Calle 13 in the same genre, doing his own thing with a great sense of humor, and looking even better than any of those wannabe pimps.

The video for Sevale To-to is just as fun and features even more of him. There is also a video, Querido F.B.I., that takes a strong political stance, showing that Calle 13 isn't just about fun pop songs, he has a brain and opinions too. Of course, I don't know what he's saying, but that makes it all the sexier.

So there you go. Another one of my man crushes. The list of guys I might go gay for is getting quite lengthy. To read about all the others click here, here, here and here.


Over The Hedge = Good: Star Jones = Bad

Posted by Brandon |

If you have plans this weekend to go see The Da Vinci Code or the newly opened X-Men 3, just remember the massive amount of hype surrounding these movies and your unreachable expectations.

Instead, you should go see Over The Hedge and be pleasantly surprised. It is truly one of the best animated features in the past five years ranking right up there with your Nemos and Shreks and Gromits. I highly recommend it. A lengthier review will be coming soon.

Now onto a totally different topic. Star Jones is disgusting. I think we all know that. But I received this email from her today that made me feel more physically ill than the other times that I have thought about Star Jones...

Subject: Happy Spring From Star!

Happy Spring!

We sure welcome this time of year, dont we? The temperature changes, we enjoy more time outside and longer days, and nature comes alive again.

So no excuses for leaving your love life in hibernation! Its time to reflect on and freshen up the ole love life.

As the (deleted) Love & Sex Coach I am happy to share what I have learned through the years via interactive workshops, tips, and quizzes. Trust me its informative and fun!

This Saturday night (starting at 8pm EST) be sure to visit www.(deleted).com for more information on the (deleted) Coaches program and a link to Love & Sex pages.

Not an (deleted) member? Thats okay. You can still peruse the websites. And be sure to check out the Coaches page (www.(deleted).com/coaches) its free!

Spring is in the air I love it!


I guess the question to answer is "why are you on a Star Jones mailing list?" I was looking for info on her corporate sponsored sham wedding for a post quite some time ago and found that to access her websites, you first have to enter your email address. What a bitch move that is. Very exploitive. So very Star Jones. But I needed to steal a picture from her so I played along.

And boy did it ever pay off. If I wouldn't have given her my address, I never would have received this wonderfully personal email, which was so masterfully written by this lawyer and former prosecutor who has won "critical acclaim as a news and legal correspondent", not some low-level intern at a PR firm thousands of miles away.

And I would have never had the opportunity to puke up my heart and my testicles at the thought of getting advice on love and sex from Star Jones. I thank her for that because I no longer needed them anyway. Obviously love is dead and sex is something that I don't need if Star is doing the coaching.

Luckily, following the puking, I saw Over The Hedge and the wonderful short that preceded it, "First Flight", and all was right again with the world. My heart returned and my testicles grew back and now I want to have me some kids just so I can watch the movie with them.

Fuck Star Jones for nearly derailing that dream.


Cali Girl

Posted by Brandon |

First, go visit my new renter, The Plumbutt Chronicles. Good stuff. I promise more of a plug than this later. But now, onto the "content"...

While rummaging through my picture files I came across yet another picture that I took with the intention of writing a post about it. The above picture comes to us from a Sunday morning farmer's market in Ojai - otherwise known as rich hippyville U.S.A - in February. What you are looking at is the quintessential California girl in winter.

It starts with a general look that I like to call "Undercover Celebrity". You've all seen the pictures of the big Hollywood starlets dressed in their track suits, looking like they came from the gym or went on a quick run to the Coffee Bean and are surprised to see the paparazzi on their tail. Yet they still have their Gucci handbag and are rolling in their brand new Range Rover. It's a cultivated and calculated look with a purpose.

Cali Girl here has embraced "Undercover Celebrity". She understands that purpose. While she probably doesn't necessarily want to be a celebrity (it is a quite a bit of work after all), she is more than happy to think of herself as one. And what would a celebrity wear to a farmer's market? Well, she dressed herself down opting for a simple black hoodie, jeans and twin braids. A simple, common, everyday look that would have been reasonable for a Sunday morning in Ojai.

But to make it celebtastic she has thrown in a cocky little designer hat, a humongous Gucci bag (hard to see, but it definitely is Gucci), a dog to fit in said Gucci handbag, and with a nod to her royal Cali girl (via Louisianna) highness, Britney, Ugg boots, purple Ugg boots. She is laying it on pretty thick, isn't she? Add to the equation the blonder than blonde hair and the bored "I'm better than this" expression and you have a pretty solid characterization of a California girl in winter.

I guess it begs the question. Which came first? The "Undercover Celebrity" or the Califronia girl in winter? Who is copying whom? Either way, it has spiraled into a vortex of snooty that we may never see the end of. God save us all.


Dolly and Anne

Posted by Brandon |

I was just looking through some pictures on my computer and came across a handful of photos I took at the Kodak Theater the day before the Oscars. I forgot about the above picture. It documents my first real celebrity sighting while in LA, unless you count David Spade or Brian Bosworth, and I don't.

I've got to tell you, Dolly Parton looks a lot less fabulous in person. And I always thought that Anne Thompson was a white, British woman. But I guess that's the magic of Hollywood, the camera adds ten pounds and you have to wear a lot of makeup. I'm glad that they were labeled, or else I would've just walked on by.


Brandon Needs

Posted by Brandon |

I saw this meme a long time ago and then Kevin brought it back to may attention the other day. You put your name followed by the word "needs" (Brandon needs, Apple needs, Pilot Inspektor needs) into a Google search and then list the top ten results. I think mine are particularly funny and some are exceedingly true...

1. Brandon needs a nurturing, attentive, and patient family.
2. Brandon needs day treatment.
3. Brandon needs to suffer severe bodily harm.
4. Brandon needs its own government.
5. Brandon needs a home where his abilities and interests can be nurtured and supported.
6. Brandon needs to find way to score goals in series.
8. Brandon needs something to attract people as a destination centre.
9. Brandon needs to punk Ashton for being Ashton.
10. Brandon needs and deserves its own radio station.


The Da Vinci Code

Posted by Brandon |

WARNING: SPOILERS!!! I may have spoiled the movie for some of you. I forgot to warn you of this so I apologize to anybody who wanted to see it and then was put off by my review. So if you want to see it, please don't read this review...

As a big fan of Dan Brown's flawed, but still riveting book The Da Vinci Code, I have been anxiously awaiting the movie version for a couple of years. Naturally, Death? and I faithfully had to go see the movie on opening night despite our reservations about the adaptation and all of the poor reviews that the film has received from critics.

Maybe we should have trusted our gut and stayed away. Of course, a film is rarely as good as it's book, especially when the book is as detailed and just plain long as this one. I was willing to give the movie a break because of the challenges of adapting it, but even then, The Da Vinci Code is a massive disappointment on so many levels that it boggles the mind. Rather than dwell on all of it's problems, including the added "that's just a theory" dialogue and Langdon's testimony at the end that are obviously aimed at diffusing criticism, I have one major beef that I have yet to see anyone address.

In the book, Sophie Neveu is, more or less, the protagonist. She is smart, sassy, sexy and she is the equal of, if not smarter than, Robert Langdon. Langdon is the one that gets swept up by Sophie and is caught in the action. Sure he is smart and helps solve many of the puzzles, but he is the one that looks on in wide eyed amazement as the clues and puzzles unfold in front of them. For those of you who are Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy fans, Sophie Neveu is to Robert Langdon as Ford Prefect is to Arthur Dent.

In the movie, Sophie (Audrey Tautou) is completely stripped of the intelligence, moxy and strength that she possesses in the book. Langdon (Tom Hanks) solves all of the puzzles on his own and practically drags Sophie behind him on his quest for the grail. In fact, at one point in the movie you see them cross the street. Langdon has a hold of the back of Sophie's arm, right above the elbow. If you have ever had this done to you, you know that means you are being controlled 100% by the person holding you. Sophie exists merely because of how the film ends but needs protection and looks like a deer caught in the headlights throughout the rest of the movie.

Why Ron Howard and Akiva Goldsman chose to go this route with Sophie's character is beyond me other than the fact that this is what America expects out of female characters in big summer blockbusters. They are weak and helpless and need saving. Apparently, this is what Hollywood thinks we want out of our women. If I were a woman, I would be extremely offended and tremendously disappointed. Here there was an opportunity for a blockbuster film to have a very strong female lead and the men running the show decided to marginalize her and make the film male dominated drivel.

And the movie suffers for it. The book is great partially because of the interplay between Langdon and Sophie and how the process of being pushed by Sophie inspires Langdon to continue and change and eventually leads to a romance. Instead they opted to portray Langdon as a protector and a father figure to Sophie, or one of the Knights of the Templar. He is the hero and she is his damsel in distress making the relationship one big, long cliche' that ultimately falls flat and goes nowhere, just like the rest of the ridiculously frustrating Da Vinci Code.


This Is Graphic

Posted by Brandon |

I did have high hopes for tonight, but computer problems have forced me to abandon my original post for the time being and instead bring you a picture of pygmy marmosets getting it on as seen at the San Diego Zoo two weeks ago...

"Awww, they're playing," said one seven year old girl who walked by with her family. "That one keeps jumping on the other ones back!"

Yes, they are playing. Awwwwwwww. How cute!


Link With Me

Posted by Brandon |

First of all, let me say that not wearing an undershirt worked out great today. Very comfortable. Also, Dodgeball is fun. Wicked fun. I thought it was a bit overhyped, but now I know, Dodgeball kicks ass!

Now onto the linking that will stand in for a real post...

Please go visit my new renter, Stupid People Shouldn't Breed. It is both a very good read and a true statement all wrapped up into one. I'm hoping she will give me a coveted "rarely stupid" badge at some point, no pressure.

By the way, I now rent out my blog for the very low price of 10 credits, because Blog Explosion no longer works as a means of gaining readership. People just surf on by too fast, so what is the point of gaining credits? I now do it just to find great blogs and to have great blogs find me, so anyone you see renting my blog from now on has been hand picked out of 20-30 bids and gets my heartfelt approval.

Moving on, Dawn from Tiny Voices In My Head placed a bid to rent my blog. She already appears on my blogroll so I didn't pick her as a tenant. Just go visit her if you don't already. I love her blog but rarely comment, which I feel bad about because it is always darn good stuff.

Karl over at Secondhand Tryptophan has a great interview with a pissed off pachyderm. I think he has a future on 20/20 giving interviews like this.

Also, if you haven't seen the video of former Cubs pitcher and ESPN personality Rick Sutcliffe rip roaring drunk on the San Diego Padres broadcast the other day, you have to check it out. Hilarious!

Finally, don't forget to add me as a friend on MySpace, and if you do add me and you aren't one of my regular commenters, please leave me a message and let me know who you are. I don't want to deny you, but I have already found out that you get a lot of requests from random teenagers, which is so extremely weird.


A Big Change

Posted by Brandon |

I think that tomorrow I will make a big time change in my wardrobe and my appearance. I'll give it a go for a little while and see how it works out. It's going to be a big change, but it's getting hot down here and the time just seems right.

Nearly everyday for the past 15 years (maybe even more) I have worn an undershirt. Typically a plain white t-shirt under just about anything. Even when I would go to the gym or play basketball or softball I would wear an undershirt under my t-shirt (I've already stopped that). It became a habit, a security blanket.

But I have been growing more and more uncomfortable with these undershirts especially when I am wearing a t-shirt on top. I think it might be time for a change. So let's take a look at the pros and the cons of going without an undershirt...


  1. It is much, much cooler.
  2. Makes me look less bulky.
  3. I don't have to do the whites nearly as often ("Give me the ringer. Chop! Chop!")
  4. Get rid of the annoyance of having a longer undershirt than t-shirt.
  5. I can wear more of my 2XL shirts.

  1. I think my man boobs might be more noticeable.
  2. Same with my belly, but I could be wrong.
  3. I am very nervous about my plumbers crack. It always feels like I show more when I don't have an undershirt on. Again, I could be wrong.
  4. Sweat doesn't have anywhere else to go.
  5. More susceptible to titty-twisters (not really that big of a problem anymore)
  6. My neck isn't very tan.

Are there any pros or cons that I am missing? Guys, where do you stand on this issue? It seems like there are more cons than pros, but most of the cons are just in my head, leftovers from Brandon: the self-conscious man.

So what the heck, I'll give it a try. It's going to be weird and I might not like it for a while, but I think in the long run it is going to be liberating.


Memes For Adults

Posted by Brandon |

I feel like doing a meme tonight. I don't do them very often but the mood hit me tonight so here we go. Stole this from Dave over at Blogography. It is quite long so I will try to keep the answers short...

  1. What's in the glove box of your car? Some normal papers. Oh yeah, and my iPod, I guess I better go get that.

  2. Favorite classes in college (or high school): Any of the radio classes I took.

  3. Shampoo brand: Suave, Sun Ripened Raspberry

  4. Favorite piece of furniture you own:Dining room table, it extends out to seat as many as ten, maybe even twelve.

  5. Idea of a really good first date: My last first date worked out pretty good, so I'll go with dinner at E.R. Rogers, dancing at South Sound Mall and a romantic walk at the State Capitol.

  6. Favorite fruit: Richard Simmons

  7. Pick a passage from a favorite book: "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious and immature." - Tom Robbins in Still Life With Woodpecker

  8. What would you eat for dinner if it were your last night on earth? A Bon's Favorite with cashews and special sauce from the late, great The Pizza Place.

  9. Free Will or Destiny? Free Will

  10. What would you sing at karaoke? "Bust A Move" - Young MC

  11. Sweater or Sweatshirt? Hooded sweatshirt

  12. Paris, NYC, Tokyo, or Rio de Janeiro? New York City, but I bet Rio would be great too.

  13. What do you wear to bed usually? Basketball shorts

  14. If you dyed your hair, what colour would you dye it? Blonde

  15. If you went back to school, what would you study? I've thought a lot about this, probably journalism, or maybe finish a small business degree or urban planning. I'd probably just occupy various administration buildings though.

  16. Gum or mints? I like gum better, but I eat more mints.

  17. Recurring nightmares? None really, I get work anxiety dreams around Christmas though.

  18. Age & location of first kiss? C Hall at Chinook Middle School. Age 12 or 13.

  19. Describe your favourite pair of shoes: I've had multiple pairs of the same New Balance shoes for the past five years now. They kick ass.

  20. What movie/tv character do you feel like you relate to most? The Dude

  21. First CD purchase: I don't have any idea. Probably something bad. My middle school and high school years were spent listening to some pretty awful music. I'm glad I grew up.

  22. First concert: Case in point - Spin Doctors, Soul Asylum and Screaming Trees at the Gorge my sophomore year of high school.

  23. Do you like camping? Love it, but there has to be a nice warm shower at the campground.

  24. If you were doomed to be mauled to death by an animal, what animal would you prefer that to be? A Koala. Cutest mauling ever!

  25. Do you/would you own a gun? I do not own one and I doubt I ever will, but if I needed one, for example if I lived on a farm and had to occasionally put something down or chase something off, I wouldn't be afraid to own one.

  26. What religion would you like to know more about: All of them really, but since my lifelong dream is to become a televangelist (corrupt to the core) I should know more about Christianity. At least profitable Christianity.

  27. Favourite food as a kid: Kraft Cheese & Macaroni. Still top five today.

  28. How many languages do you speak? Just one, the language of love.

  29. If you were a natural disaster, would you be a tornado, hurricane, or earthquake? Hurricane, just so I could knock Al Roker on his ass again.

  30. If you could make one state in the US just go away, which state would that be? I'm with Dave, South Dakota right now. Although the Corn Palace and Wall Drug were so cool I would hate to see those go. So, since I hate The Ohio State University to my core, Ohio is probably the state I would choose.

  31. How many prescriptions do you take? None.

  32. Lake or Ocean? Anywhere with a nice sandy bottom and no plant life.

  33. What is the worst lie you've ever told to get out of work, (and don't say you've never lied to get out of work, because that my friend is a lie and you know it)? None of my lies have really been very bad, just typical stuff.

  34. Do you carry a backpack, a satchel or "man bag", tote bag, brief case, or a backpack on wheels? I usually don't carry anything, but I don't feel comfortable on public transportation without a backpack.

  35. Have you ever been arrested/cited for anything other than traffic violations? No.

  36. Would you ever move for/with a significant other? Already done that a couple of times.

  37. What was the weirdest thing you had to dissect for biology? Squid. I only took biology once.

  38. Would you ever consider spending some time at a nudist colony? Absolutely not. Have you ever seen the people at those places?

  39. Best thing you can cook? I make a bunch of great pizza items, I make really good eggs and I make a mean Shepherds Pie but instead of mashed potatoes I use Macaroni and Cheese. It's delicious.

  40. If you were going to donate 1000 dollars to a charity, what would that be? The Ronald McDonald House.



Posted by Brandon |

I don't know why it took so long, and I don't know why I finally broke down, but today, in between playing Lego Star Wars, enjoying Barry Bonds sucking it up, and watching the lowly Mariners beat the Angels in twelve innings, I set up a MySpace account.

It's pretty lonely right now. Tom is there of course, and Janet from The Art of Getting By, my buddy's brother and the guys over at Lebowski Fest were all nice enough to add me as friends. But other than that, it's a little quiet.

Please, if you are a MySpace user, head on over to the Down With Pants! page and add me as a friend. My ego would really appreciate it.


A Quick Peeve

Posted by Brandon |

I was going to post this over at The Peevery, it definitely fits better into that format, but Typepad seems to be down right now, so it's going up here at Down With Pants!

Am I the only one who thinks that the dude driving his brand spanking new, convertible Ferrari through one of the poorest neighborhoods in Oxnard is a little bit of a douchebag?



Posted by Brandon |

Blowing your nose kicks ass! I have myself a nice litte cold right now and I have spent a good amount of my day blowing my nose, and it feels so good.

This is relatively new for me. I somehow went most of my life having never blown my nose once. Maybe my mom forced me to do it once in a while, but I never learned how to do it on my own. I was much more for wiping, picking and sniffling. In fact, I have a crease on my nose that came from wiping my nose vertically during my formative years.

I know it sounds gross, but I think almost all kids did this. How many of you really blew their nose as a child? I doubt many. But most of you probably learned how to do it early in your adolescence. I went until I was in college before I learned how to do it.

I had the nastiest cold one time and I was walking to class in one of those zero degree, Bowling Green, Ohio winter days and the snot in my nose literally froze. I could feel it hardening as I walked to class. I got to the building and went to the bathroom and started blowing, and it was one of the most liberating feelings. It was as if a whole new world had opened up for me. Never again would I go through life with a nose full of snot.

I'm still not a pro at it. I have to go to the bathroom every time and look in the mirror while doing it to make sure that I'm not getting snot everywhere, and since I have grown a mustache, it makes it 100 times more difficult. I still don't understand all of the nuances involved in getting a solid blow that will completely clean me out. And I have no idea how people make so much noise doing it.

But at least I'm doing it. Nothing is sadder than an adult wiping his nose on his shirt sleeve. Nothing is more annoying than a sniffler at work. Nothing is worse than feeling like your face is bulging from the pressure. And nothing is worse than a blog post about snot. Sorry!


My Greatest Rant

Posted by Brandon |

Thanks to Kevin over at Kapgar.com for the props the other day. I always appreciate some positive feedback. He says that I "can rant and rave better than just about anybody". Well, my friend, you haven't seen anything. Reading a rant is nothing compared to my real life ranting. I've mellowed out a lot with age, and my wife doesn't appreciate a good rant as much as my old co-workers, but in my prime I was bar none, the best.

My greatest rant, which was more of a temper tantrum than anything, came one night while I was working for the Elmira Pioneers baseball team. It was, for whatever reason, one of our busiest nights of the season. We were short a few gameday employees and had to throw a bunch of people into jobs they had never done.

After taking care of some business in the press box I went downstairs into the concourse to help out where I could. It was there that I encountered the owner of the team who was in the middle of a fit. People were coming up to him and anyone else that would listen complaining about the wait for cotton candy. The new kids on the machine were struggling and people were waiting as long as three innings, maybe even more, for motherfucking cotton candy.

Since I was the first staff member that the owner found, I received the reaming. I got a solid five minute berating while I followed him around watching and helping him fuck it up even more. We all knew to, more or less, ignore our owners ideas and attempt to steer him away from whatever bug was up his butt at the moment. He had a knack of making everything more difficult than it needed to be and typically, if you could just let what he said go in one ear and out the other, everybody would be much better off.

That night was no use. He was on a tear and wanted to roll up his sleeves and get right in there. And nothing that I did was right. Nothing I did helped. Even though concessions wasn't my job, I took the abuse because I was the one that got caught and the concessions guy knew where to hide.

After the game when the park finally emptied the entire staff would meet, drink a couple of beers and unwind. With the owner long gone we all had an opportunity to vent and I launched into a 30 minute tirade. The first ten minutes were about our owner and what a jackass he was, the next twenty minutes were about the fucking idiots who stood in line for an hour for cotton candy.

I'm still fuming about it, even as I write this I am getting pissed off. My heart is starting to race. My blood pressure is spiking. My face is all red. Why the hell would anyone stand in line that long for cotton candy? Who are these fucking idiots? I think they deserved to stand in that long of a line just for being total fucking retards. I think we should have just called the ambulance, shoved them all into the back and sent them to the hospital to get their heads checked. They would have thanked us for helping them figure out why they were so fucking stupid.

Anyway, I think I smashed an old chair with a baseball bat, I tipped over a couple of tables and I had all of my co-workers rolling on the floor for a half an hour. For the rest of the season they always tried to bait me into a going crazy, and usually I gave them a command performance. Something always pissed me off (don't even get me started on the people who parked in the Dunn Field handicapped spots and then strolled into the ballpark with no problem).

You can't get the effect of a rant like that on a blog, so you will just have to trust me, I was once the greatest of all time.


American Apparel T-Shirts Suck

Posted by Brandon |

I'm sick and tired of all of these cool online t-shirt companies and blogs printing their merchandise on American Apparel shirts. I'm a big dude, I am 6-4, 290 pounds of nerdy man meat, baby, and I don't fit into the faux 2XL's that American Apparel produces for the hipster set. I would love my Big Lebowski Kauro Betto shirt to fit more than once and I would love a First Mate t-shirt from Summer School, but I would prefer that it be a little bit thicker than wax paper and not nearly as clingy as saran wrap.

I know wafer thin is in, even for guys, but come on already. I'm not planning on doing any soft-core porn advertising campaigns, I don't have a shag haircut, I don't wear my collars up on my polos, and I am not in The Strokes. All I want is a solid t-shirt. So drop the American Apparel and give me a Beefy-T. And please, I am begging all of you fine folks who are still printing on nice thick t-shirts, keep up the good work. Us big guys really appreciate it.

Speaking of ill fitting clothing and other bullshit: Old Navy can go fuck themselves. I've always had a love/hate relationship with Old Navy. Some of my favorite clothing items have come from there, but more often than not I am completely frustrated by their lack of consistent sizing on 2XL clothes and the fact that their men's clothes keep getting uglier and uglier by the day.

Right now, there isn't a single item in Old Navy that I would even consider wearing. Why do we need thirty different styles of dirty ass pants? I do my best to keep from falling down in the dirt every day, so why would I purchase a pair of jeans that looks like I rolled around in the mud that morning? And I truly don't want a "broken in" baseball shirt, I usually throw my shirts out when the ringer starts to shred. What's next? Mustard and ketchup stained crewnecks? Yellow underarm t-shirts? Bloody nipple running shirts? Poopy pant cargos?

P.S...Please go visit my new renter, Emails from Jesus. Our Lord and Savior has been kind enough to shed his light on the filth that is Down With Pants! and I would really appreciate it if you went over there and read the good word. Go ahead and ask him a question, I'm sure that he will enlighten and inspire you to do great things.


I'm Out

Posted by Brandon |

I have family in town and they sleep in my computer room. Thus, my computer time has been drastically cut. So Down With Pants! is on a short hiatus. We've been to Disneyland, Disneyland's California Adventure and Universal Studios in the past three days. They leave Thursday morning, then me and Death? leave for San Diego for a romantic weekend to celebrate our first anniversary. Basically, DWP! won't be back in earnest until Monday.

Speaking of San Diego, I know I have some readers who either live there or have lived there. I would love to hear some good restaurant suggestions. We are looking for a romantic spot for dinner on Saturday that doesn't break the bank ($100 total or so), or any good seafood spots. Death? went to a crab shack in San Diego when she was really young that dumped the crab right onto the table but we can't figure out what restaurant it is or if it even still exists.

Please, if you have any suggestions, either email me at downwithpants@gmail.com or leave them in the comments. Thanks!