MC's The Buyer's Remorse of a Music Lover

Posted by Brandon |

MC over at Culture Kills... wants to know what albums in your collection you're embarrassed to own. I quickly flipped through my collection and realized that there isn't anything too disgusting. The bad albums that I own aren't embarrassing, they just suck and the albums that are embarrassing typically have something going for them that make me own them. But I did find a few albums that just don't seem to fit in. They aren't necessarily bad, they just seem really strange in my collection.

1. Ludacris - Word of Mouf: Thankfully, I didn't buy this album. When I worked in baseball one of the ballplayers gave it to me to record their at-bat intro music and for whatever reason I never gave it back to him. The only reason I keep this CD around is because of the comedic quality of "Area Codes" and "Saturday". Other than that, it's beyond awful and perhaps the worst album to ever have to record for baseball intro music. It took me quite some time and some creative editing, but, unfortunately, I did finally find a clean 30 seconds to record.

2. Tom Lehrer - Songs & More Songs and That Was the Year That Was: I love both of these albums. They are very funny, well-written and enjoyable. But they are perhaps the most different and and non-conforming albums in my collection. 50's era political satire by a Harvard graduate and his piano? A little weird considering the share a page in my book with Talib Kweli.

3. Black Eyed Peas - Behind the Front and Bridging the Gap: Again, both albums are killer. There are some incredible songs on both of these albums including "Falling Up", "Joints and Jams" and "Weekends". But they are now almost unlistenable because of what has become of Black Eyed Peas and it's embarrassing to me to have ever been a fan. Anybody that helped launch "Fergielicious" is just plain wrong even if she wasn't with the group at the time.

4. Hootie and the Blowfish - Fairweather Johnson: I rescued this CD from destruction when it came into the offices of my college radio station KGRG. The punks got it, threw it on the ground and were ready to stomp it to little bits had I not stepped in. I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed the first Hootie album and I was willing to give it a chance. But Hootie mumbled even more than before and this album turned out to be a major stinker. I only recently found it amongst a bunch of old jewel cases after nearly ten years in the closet.

5. Jamiroquai - Traveling Without Moving: Another really good album featuring "Virtual Insanity" and "Cosmic Girl". The reason that I am embarrassed about this album is because when it came out I boldly predicted to anybody who would listen that Jamiroquai would end up being massive stars. They have since released two more albums but neither caught anyone's attention.


If Only They Had a TV To Watch The Commercials

Posted by Brandon |

We watched the Duggar Family on TLC tonight and I was surprised to find out that I didn't hate them. Probably because there was no mention of religion or morals or whatnot, they just built a house and showed their millions of children acting like great kids. After watching a family on Nanny 911 not be able to take care of their six bitch ass children, it was kind of refreshing.

That being said, I was thrilled to see that the Duggar Family special was sponsored by NuvaRing, the new once-a-month birth control ring thingy. It wasn't just a commercial in the middle of a bunch of other commercials during the show either. It was an explicit "this show is sponsored by NuvaRing" outro followed by the commercial. If there has ever been a more perfect and inspired "sponsored by" advertisement ever, then I have yet to see it.

When you're married to a doctor and all of your peers are doctors, you can expect to have some pretty interesting, mostly disgusting conversations. Usually the really gross stuff goes over the heads of us non-doctors. Too many technical terms and big words complicate our conversations with the medical community. But occasionally a nasty subject comes up that everybody understands. Such was the case last night after Thanksgiving dinner.

Believe it or not, there are guys who really enjoy putting foreign objects up their butt. Every hospital in the country has at least one guy who comes in quite often needing to have something either forcibly or surgically removed from their ass. Every ER doc has at least one rectal removal story and the x-rays become hospital folklore.

It got me thinking about just how different these guy's outlook on life must be from mine. I see something and I see how it's used for everyday use. These guys must see things a little bit differently. For example (and these are real examples of things that the docs have seen guys come in with), when I see maracas...

...I envision myself playing salsa music. They remind me of elementary school music class when we got to play with the "ethnic" instruments like maracas and the fish. If I think of anything remotely sexual, I think of Charo shaking her "maracas".

And this bowling trophy...

...It reminds me of the bowling league that I was in back in Seattle and how we always came in second place, it reminds me of The Big Lebowski or it reminds me of garage sales where most everybody gets their bowling trophies.

I love avocados, but when I see and avocado I think of...

...guacamole! Mmmmm...guacamole. I could substitute avocados for the meat in my diet and I think I would be perfectly fine with that. That's what an avocado is good for. Perhaps they are thinking about guacamole too, but we have very different recipes.

It has to be a totally different world to these guys. Just thinking about them thinking about putting stuff up their butt has blown my mind. Throughout the day, I realized that if you don't mind really embarrassing, painful surgery every couple of months, the possibilities are endless.

Looking around the room right now I see a power strip. I found it in the closet this evening and I realized that I needed it to plug in a bunch of stuff in the living room. It didn't even cross my mind that I could use it to plug myself in the living room..

And yet, as we speak, somewhere in America there is a pervert having a powerstrip removed from his anus and another post-thanksgiving gross out story is being born.


DWP! Fantasy Football - Week 11

Posted by Brandon |

I'm a little late getting to it this week. I spaced on that fact that there were Thursday games this week because of Thanksgiving. Luckily, my lineup was set so I'm good to go.

But back to Week 11. It was a dark day in the history of the Down With Pants! fantasy football team. Not only did Witty Team Name kick my ass up and down the field to give me my first loss of the season, but I also lost the man that single-handedly won most of my games this season, Donovan McNabb. I still have Larry Johnson to run over folks, but my team is now mortal and in danger going into the playoffs.

Culture Kills Lions continued his outstanding season knocking off 2much411foozball 60-42. The win was his eighth straight and clinched him a spot in the playoffs coming up in three weeks.

Nine teams still have a shot to make the final two playoff spots. CineRobots beat up on Cuckoo For Kapgar 85-46 in a battle for third place. Witty Team Name and Cuckoo For Kapgar are tied for the final playoff spot with 2much411foozball, johnnyhongkong and TheDutchFiles only one game back. The Red Zins are two games back but will need a lot of help and the Blogography Hellmonkeys and The OC Snackiepoos will need to win out to have a shot, but even then they will need a ton of help to make the playoffs.

There were some great games in week eleven to make this league so close. Here are the results, leading scorers follow...

Culture Kills Lions (10-1) - 60 - Travis Henry - 13 points
2much411foozball (5-6) - 42 - Willie Parker - 14 points

johnnyhongkong (5-6) - 57 - Chad Johnson - 27 points
TheDutchFiles (5-6) - 40 - Reggie Wayne - 11 points

The OC Snackiepoos (3-8) - 46 - Tom Brady - 26 points
navelgazing ramblers (2-9) - 41 - Drew Brees - 16 points

Witty Team Name (6-5) - 84 - Carson Palmer - 21 points
Down With Pants! (10-1) - 61 - Larry Johnson- 19 points

Red Zins (4-7) - 62 - Lee Evans - 25 points
Blogography Hellmonkeys (3-8) - 56 - Peyton Manning - 11 points

CineRobots - (7-4) - 85 - LaDanian Tomlinson - 32 points
Cuckoo For Kapgar (6-5) - 46 - Bears Defense - 16 points

The Down With Pants! squad will turn to Charlie Frye and Larry Johnson to lead them to get them back on track against the hated Hellmonkeys. The best game of the week features two teams on the outside looking in. Both johnnyhongkong and 2much411foozball hope to make a late season run to the playoffs and this game could make or break their seasons.

2much411foozball vs. johnnyhongkong
CineRobots vs. Culture Kills Lions
Red Zins vs. Cuckoo For Kapgar
Down With Pants! vs. Blogography Hellmonkeys
The OC Snackiepoos vs. Witty Team Name
navelgazing ramblers vs. TheDutchFiles


Carman: Great Christian or Greatest Christian?

Posted by Brandon |

Greg over at What Greg Likes reviewed contemporary Christian artist Rebecca St. James' new album today and it got me to thinking about my favorite contemporary Christian artist, Carman. If you've never heard or seen Carman, then you are in for a treat. He sings white gospel, he raps diggity dope, he beats the shit out of the devil on a daily basis. There is nothing that this guy cannot do.

For example, take his video "Slam!" Watch this guy dance!

Brilliant! But that's just one devil. Watch him take on another Satan in his mind blowing, action packed jam "Satan, Bite The Dust!"

What a way with words this man has! 2Pac and Biggie have nothing on him. And when did they ever produce an epic video like "Mission 3:16-Legendary Mission" in which Carman truly becomes a hero of legendary status?

Carman killed a guy. Carman, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. But hot damn, you are one good Christian. Acapella for everybody!

Seriously though, he has to be a joke...Right? These videos are satire...aren't they?

I look forward to Veronica Mars all week long. It's the only thing worth watching on a Tuesday night now that the Gilmore Girls has become a bore fest and it's the only show all week that I plan my night around. I love Earl and The Office, but I still would miss an episode without a problem if something else were to come up.

So imagine my fury tonight when I turned on KTLA and discovered the goddamn Lakers - Clippers game preempting my favorite show. Stupid NBA basketball. If Lebron ain't playing or Nate Rob isn't blocking Yao, then I don't care, especially about anything Los Angeles related. If we have to have basketball on during VM, show Wallace shooting the rock.

I had a frustrating day of work and I had just got back from shopping for Thanksgiving so I was cranky as shit. All I wanted to do was watch some Veronica Mars and relax the rest of the night. But no, instead I found my two least favorite NBA teams interrupting my favorite show and it pissed me off even more. Sweaty men in shorts just don't do it for me.

My fury only grew as I flipped the channels toward the ESPNs to watch the final minutes of the UCLA - Kentucky game and the Duke - Marquette game and found the Laker - Clippers game also playing on Fox Sports. What the hell? Do people really make a decision about which channel to watch based on the fact that the KTLA version is the Clipper's play-by-play team while the FSN version is the Laker's broadcasters? Why do we need two broadcasts of this game? Maybe the sports should stay on the motherfucking sports stations!

So fuck Kobe, fuck Chris Kaman and fuck KTLA. I want my Veronica Mars, dammit!


I'm Actually Late With The Christmas Decorations

Posted by Brandon |

Now that the Christmas season is upon us, you know, in November (actually, it started around the Fourth of fucking July this year) I felt it was time for me to decorate this little blog of mine for the holidays. I've never done a special template so I decided to go massively tacky, that's just my way. I'm a little bummed that I couldn't find icicle lights for the White House.

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas, as most everybody does. When you work in retail (or a mail order department) it's hard to get too excited about the holidays. I'll be busting my ass at work for the next month because of Christmas, please excuse me if I get a little bah humbuggy.

And it doesn't help that some of my favorite things about Christmas are being ruined. I love the 24 hours of A Christmas Story. I could watch that movie on Christmas Eve and Christmas all 24 hours. It kills me every time. "Not a finger" is one of my all-time favorite movie quotes and hearing it 15 times really ties the holiday together for me.

But some frigging cell phone company has taken that movie and bastardized it to sell phones to kids. "You'll shoot your eye out" has been changed to "You'll run the bill up" and every time I hear it, my soul hurts. If I ever meet that asshole at Cingular that came up with that idea, I'll beat him like he was Scut Farkus. Thanks for cheapening one of my favorite parts of Christmas.

But I do love Christmas despite all of the crap that goes along with it. I have a very fun and generous family and Christmas Eve has always been a massive event. My grandpa grew up very poor and never got jack squat, so when he could afford it he went all out for his kids on Christmas and the tradition has continued to this day. Christmas means a lot for our family not because we are religious. In fact, we aren't religious at all, far from it. But it means a lot because of how much we value each other as family and it's nice to get together and celebrate at least once year.

So there is my motivation to get through this otherwise stressful and frustrating period. The payoff of Christmas is all worth the hassle. Plus, my holiday template is really cheesy and cool and will cheer me up no matter how many customers piss me off at work.


Trixie & Ginger Rothstein: Separated At Birth?

Posted by Brandon |

I finally figured out who my downstairs neighbor, Trixie, reminds me of after watching Casino last night. Sharon Stone's character, Ginger Rothstein. But not the strong Ginger from the beginning of the movie, but the nasty, drunk and stoned Ginger from the second act.

She doesn't have to tie up her kid to get out of the house because she doesn't have custody and he's only here once a month, but I know if it came down to it, she would tie his ass up in a second. And there are a couple different dudes hanging around that bear a striking resemblance to Lester Diamond.

It's uncanny how similar these two women are. I doubt Trixie has a million dollars in jewelry stashed away anywhere, but other than that, they could be twins. We nicknamed her Trixie after we first moved in and found out that she was a raging bitch, but I think I'm going to call her Ginger from now on. It's just too perfect.

If you haven't watched Casino in a long time, get it from Netflix and enjoy the cold hearted, merciless nature that is Joe Pesci's character Nicky Santoro. He is absolutely incredible in this movie and breathes life into every scene he's in. Casino, overall, is great for about 2/3 of the movie. If it were edited tighter, it would be one of my all time favorites.


Haiku For The 24th

Posted by Brandon |

Pissed off employees
suffering for the dollar
Thanksgiving sucks now


DWP! Fantasy Football - Week 10

Posted by Brandon |

The excitement running through the Down With Pants! Fantasy Football League since Sunday night has been palpable. The Red Zins, appeared to have handed my DWP! squad it's first defeat of the season, 50-49. However, after further review, my undefeated season continues thanks to an official NFL scoring change...
"Les Bowen, of the Philadelphia Daily news, reports the NFL has changed Philadelphia Eagles WR Reggie Brown's catch and fumble that resulted in a fumble recovery and touchdown for RB Correll Buckhalter has been changed. The NFL ruled Brown did not have possession before Buckhalter caught his deflection, giving Buckhalter a 55-yard touchdown reception instead of a fumble recovery. WR Reggie Brown now has one catch for 18 yards during the Week 10 game. QB Donovan McNabb now has 257 yards passing in addition to the 55-yard touchdown pass."
Sorry Red Zins, but the NFL has spoken and handed me a 56-50 victory and a guaranteed spot in the playoffs.

Culture Kills Lions briefly held the league's longest winning streak and was tied for first place after knocking off TheDutchFiles 60-41. But he still holds a comfortable margin for second and looks like a lock to make the playoffs now.

The rest of the playoff picture is more clouded. Eight teams still have a legitimate shot at making the final four with Cuckoo For Kapgar and CineRobots currently occupying the final two spots and 2much411foozball, Witty Team Name and TheDutchFiles nipping at their heels.

There were some good games in week ten. Here are the results, leading scorers follow...

Culture Kills Lions (9-1) - 60 - Deuce McAllister - 15 points
TheDutchFiles (5-5) - 41 - Rudi Johnson - 10 points

johnnyhongkong (4-6) - 87 - Chad Johnson - 25 points
The OC Snackiepoos (2-8) - 26 - Shayne Graham - 12 points

Witty Team Name (5-5) - 51 - Carson Palmer - 24 points
navelgazing ramblers (2-8) - 34 - Drew Brees - 13 points

Down With Pants! (10-0) - 56 - Donovan McNabb- 17 points
Red Zins (3-7) - 50 - Tony Romo - 18 points

2much411foozball (5-5) - 81 - Willie Parker - 22 points
Cuckoo For Kapgar (6-4) - 77 - Philip Rivers - 24 points

CineRobots - (6-4) - 88 - LaDanian Tomlinson - 31 points
Blogography Hellmonkeys (3-7) - 54 - Bills Defense - 11 points

Witty Team Name and his Barber led squad bring their three game winning streak into DWP! stadium to see if they can do what the Red Zins nearly did. But the best matchup pits Cuckoo For Kapgar against CineRobots in a battle to stay solidly in the playoffs while 2much411foozball and TheDutchFiles both need wins to tie the loser of the Cuckoo For Kapgar - CineRobots game for the final spot in the final four.

2much411foozball vs. Culture Kills Lions
CineRobots vs. Cuckoo For Kapgar
Red Zins vs. Blogography Hellmonkeys
Down With Pants! vs. Witty Team Name
navelgazing ramblers vs.The OC Snackiepoos
TheDutchFiles vs. johnnyhongkong

This is a very important week for everybody involved. Like I said, eight teams still have a chance at the playoffs so please set your lineups and make this thing interesting.


Mr. Potato Head is a Coked Out Perv

Posted by Brandon |

One of the best things at Disneyland is the big box of Mr. Potato Head that you can buy over at Disney's California Adventure. You get a box, you throw a potato in there and then add as many accessories as you can. Unfortunately, it can be used for evil, and Death? proved that with this drugged up son-of-a-bitch who has been scaring our fish for the past week.

The picture doesn't do it justice, but trust me, he's really, really creepy.


I Suck At Soccer

Posted by Brandon |

My soccer career may have come to an end tonight with a 3-2 playoff loss to a team that we should have beat. Unfortunately, I made a mistake playing defense and gave a guy an easy opportunity at a goal that tied the game which then led to the winning goal minutes later.

I suck at soccer. Here are my career numbers:

  • Zero wins
  • Sixteen losses
  • Two ties
  • No goals (except for one that was called back because of a foul at the other end of the field)
  • Three assists (sweet plays too, my only highlights)
  • Twelve goals against as a goalie
  • Three accidental boob grabs (I swear, totally an accident)
  • One crushing tackle on a girl (she ran in front of me, I couldn't stop)
  • One fight
  • One game played in the hardest rainstorm I have seen in California
  • Ten good players who played one game and then never showed up again
  • One guy juking the shit out of me and scoring an easy goal to tie up our playoff game
  • One really loud f-word following that goal
  • 25 really loud f-words total
  • Eighteen games that I blamed myself for not winning
  • Eighteen games that Death? got mad because I sulked and moped the rest of the night because I blamed myself for not winning.
We are taking the winter season off since most of us who play in every game are getting tired of the constant struggle to field a team and then the subsequent spankings that we take. Losing takes it's toll even if the game is only supposed to be for fun.

I'm really hard on myself so it's hard for me to have a lot of fun when I suck hard. On the other hand, I look forward to soccer all week long and I love to compete so I guess I'll have to find another sport to blow goats at to fill that need.


She Shoud've Strayed Too Far From The Sidewalk

Posted by Brandon |

Some of you may remember me complaining about the bitch downstairs and how she was obsessed with Kelly Clarkson and her song "Because of You". There were times in the past year when she would put that song on repeat and rock out to it four, five, sometimes even six times in a row with the volume up to eleven. Thankfully, the madness stopped a few months ago and instead has been replaced by the occasional sing along to whatever song comes on the local Top 40 station.

But her old, smoke ravaged ass regressed to teenage self pity again tonight listening to the entire album twice and that song at least three times. It's the fucking bitch's anthem and it's one more reason for me to hate American Idol.


DWP! Fantasy Football - Week 9

Posted by Brandon |

A glimmer of hope ran through the Down With Pants! Fantasy Football league this past weekend. CineRobots had a 15 point lead going into Monday night with one player remaining. However, the Down With Pants! squad had three players left including the Seahawks defense who were facing off against the pitiful Raiders offense. One shutout later and the DWP! squad continued it's unbeaten season to remain atop the standings.

It's a good thing too, despite the run, DWP! hasn't been able to put any distance between first and second. Culture Kills Lions won it's sixth straight game to stay only one game behind. And this run has been without two of their key players, Shaun Alexander and Matt Hasselbeck. Seneca Wallace has filled in admirably and helped the Lions to the league's top score in an 88-20 drubbing of The OC Snackiepoos.

Plenty of other great games in week nine. Here are the results, leading scorers follow...

Culture Kills Lions (8-1) - 88 - Marvin Harrison - 19 points
The OC Snackiepoos (2-7) - 20 - Shayne Graham - 10 points

johnnyhongkong (3-6) - 51 - Roy Williams - 12 points
navelgazing ramblers (2-7) - 49 - Drew Brees - 24 points

Witty Team Name (4-5) - 51 - Tony Gonzalez - 15 points
Red Zins (3-6) - 49 - Marques Colston - 12 points

2much411foozball (4-5) - 67 - Javon Walker - 27 points
Blogography Hellmonkeys (3-6) - 60 - Devery Henderson - 17 points

TheDutchFiles (5-4) - 47 - Marc Bulger - 11 points
Cuckoo For Kapgar (6-3) - 42 - Clinton Portis - 10 points

Down With Pants! (9-0) - 66 - Seahawks Defense - 19 points
CineRobots - (5-4) - 62 - LaDanian Tomlinson - 27 points

Who's next? Can the Red Zins be the first team to knock off the mighty DWP!? A solid and surprising starting lineup could easily post some big numbers. It's hard to believe his team is only 3-6. Culture Kills Lions takes on TheDutchFiles who need a win to stay in the playoff hunt along with CineRobots who take on the Blogography Hellmonkeys.

2much411foozball vs. Cuckoo For Kapgar
CineRobots vs. Blogography Hellmonkeys
Down With Pants! vs. Red Zins
navelgazing ramblers vs. Witty Team Name
TheDutchFiles vs. Culture Kills Lions
johnnyhongkong vs. The OC Snackiepoos

The bye weeks are over which is good news for the slackers. Everybody is at full strength. No more free games for anybody.


Speaking of Dentistry

Posted by Brandon |

I just got an email from a person that I have been feuding with here at work informing everybody that she is going to be out tomorrow because she is getting a root canal and some other painful work done. It made my day!


Don't Waste Your Time With Jack I Lee, DDS

Posted by Brandon |

I took the last few hours off of work today so that I could go see the dentist. You would think that my teeth are nice and white and clean as I write this, right? Wrong. Instead we ended up at a sales pitch for expensive, not covered by insurance, bullshit procedures that didn't result in us getting our teeth cleaned this afternoon.

The visit started out like any trip to the dentist's office. Some quick paperwork and a few x-rays later and we seemed to be on our way. But then the "hygenist" (I didn't see her clean shit) told me that the doctor would be in to see me in about ten minutes. I knew something wasn't right when she said that.

You would expect that they would start the cleaning like they do at every other dentist I have ever been. Somewhere along the line the dentist would pop in and do a quick look around and joke with you about not flossing. Instead, after ten minutes of me Sports Illustrated, the dentist came in, poked around my mouth, found a couple possibly bogus cavities, tried to sell me on teeth whitening and then disappeared. So I sat and read some more until the office/sales urchin came in and started reviewing pricing with me. This is where it got really weird.

Neither Death? or I have gone to the dentist since moving to California which has been about a year and a half now. So the sales lady told us that we would have to have our teeth cleaned by some special apparatus and it was the only way for them to remove the years of buildup. Of course our insurance covered the running of the machine, but it didn't cover the prescription mix of mouthwash and solution that makes the machine go. It would cost me $80 to have one half of my mouth done on one day, not including the extra $250 for the fancy fillings, and another $80 for the other half on another day (plus even more expensive fillings). It also wasn't possible to have the work done today, we would have to come back later.

Having gone to great dentists all of my life, this was a rude and shocking awakening into the sleeze that is the dentistry profession and neither one of us appreciated it one bit. What should have been a free exam and cleaning turned into two more visits to this douchebag and $160-$500 worth of work that supposedly needs to be done. So we left in a pissed off huff, still with dirty teeth, feeling all slimey like you do when you talk to a used car salesman, with a grudge against Jack I Lee, DDS of Ventura, California.


The First 5 Election Topics To Come To Mind

Posted by Brandon |

1. As happy as I am that the Democrats are doing well tonight, I am troubled by just how many of them are socially conservative. Heath Shuler, Bob Casey Jr. (knocked off Santorum), and Brad Ellsworth are all endorsed by Democrats For Life and numerous others are against gay marriage. I'm super-liberal when it comes to social issues and these democrats look more like Republicans to me.

2. What happened to Ned Lamont? What a worthless douchebag he turned out to be. How do you beat Joe Lieberman's ass in the primary and then not stomp him into the ground and runaway with the election? Another Republican in Democrat's clothing gets a seat, or in this case retains one.

3. I so wanted there to be a new $2.68 tax on a pack of cigarettes here in California but it looks like the measure is going to be defeated. Come on people, you know if big tobacco spends record amounts of money against a measure, there must be something good about it. How could anybody possibly trust them anymore?

4. Santorum did lose and that's good, even if it was to a faux-Democrat. However, a Santorum without a job might be more dangerous than a Santorum with one. Now the psycho has more free time to concentrate on a serious presidential run in 2008. I bet we end up seeing more of him than we ever did when he was in office.

5. At least seven states voted to amend their constitution and ban same-sex marriage. This on the same day that Brittany Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. And gay-marriage is what's ruining the sanctity of marriage? I don't think so. The "heterosexuals" have done a pretty good job of messing that up themselves. There is no sanctity left. Just ask Ted Haggard's family.


The First 10 Topics To Come To Mind

Posted by Brandon |

1. Borat is the funniest movie I have seen this year, maybe ever. It's everything that you expected. It's rude, it's crude, it's offensive and it's ridiculous. But, surprisingly, it is also very well written, it has a great little plot with twists and turns along the way and one of the best endings ever. Borat for Best Picture!

2. I won my second poker tournament on Friday night, but it was the first tournament that I ever won while I was wasted off my ass. Don't ever let anybody tell you that doctors can't party like rock stars. I still am a little hungover, but at least I'm $25 richer.

3. Studio 60 blows. I'll continue watching only because John Goodman is currently making a guest appearance, but if it doesn't get better by the time he is off, I'm done.

4. This big, fat white boy is talking about his "ghetto card" and making jokes about black people on Comedy Central right now. It's not funny in the least bit. You have no "ghetto card" and you don't really want one.

5. I was supposed to interview a guy whose name sounded black the other day. Unfortunately, he didn't show up, he was sick, but I didn't get the message until much later. When I said that whatever his name was didn't show and our temp realized that it was a black name, she couldn't stop going on and on about how "the brothers" are never on time and never show up to appointments. On the surface, it sounded really, really racist. But she is a Mexican girl who is married to a black guy, so I guess she must have a "ghetto card", although I just think she's racist. Either way.

6. Now the big, fat white boy is talking about midgets. That's ground breaking comedy! UPDATE: Now he's talking about retards! Woo hoo!

7. Weekend Santa Ynez winery recommendation: Rancho Sisquoc - Foxen Canyon Road north of Los Olivos - most serene picnic spot of any winery I've ever been to and very good wine to boot.

8. My soccer team has lost the last three games by a combined score of 25-0. In three seasons we are 0-15-2. I'm mainly out there to run around and get some exercise, but when the other team pulls their goalie and starts shoving it in your face, it stops being very much fun. If I want to be embarrassed, I'll do it to myself, thank you very much.

9. I think I may have made a lady cry today in the Subway parking lot at lunch. I don't care, she deserved it. She was backing out of a parking space, I turned the corner and saw her backing out so I stopped to wait for her to go by. All she had to do was back straight out, turn toward me and go around. Instead she didn't back up far enough so when she turned toward me she was coming straight at me. She wanted me to go around her on the other side but I wouldn't do it. So I sat there and made her correct the way that she pulled out. But she couldn't do it, she tried once and had plenty of room to go around, but then she screwed it up and ended in the same place. Defeated by simple, everyday driving, she just sat there and looked lost. I finally gave up and went around her the wrong way, but not before giving her the business with my wild and flailing sign language. Where is the mandatory drivers re-test proposition when you need it?

10. Speaking of voting, get out and vote tomorrow, unless you are Republican, in which case you should go see Borat and see for yourself just how dumb your fellow party members sound and look and leave the running of the country to the educated. That's right, I said it.


It's Like Ray-eee-ain On Your Wedding Day

Posted by Brandon |

Today at work I hit my head and nearly knocked myself out on, get this....the first aid kit. Son of a bitch!


DWP! Fantasy Football - Week 8

Posted by Brandon |

I cannot be stopped. Another week, another win. McNabb stunk it up but Larry Johnson made up for it with 32 points en route to a 75-63 victory over 2much411foozball. Bow down.

For the second straight week there was a scoring change on a tie and Culture Kills Lions picked up a half game in the standings in addition to his 57-43 victory over the navelgazing ramblers He is now alone in second place and only a game back of first.

The playoff hunt got a little clearer this week with the top four teams distancing themselves from the pack. DWP! leads the way while Culture Kills Lions sits in second at 7-1. Cuckoo For Kapgar is in third at 6-2 after a 48-35 win against The OC Snackiepoos and CineRobots is in fourth at 5-3 after posting the leagues top score in his 80-72 defeat of the hard luck Red Zins. TheDutchFiles is all by herself in fifth at 4-4 while four teams sit at 3-5 and three teams are in the cellar at 2-6.

Here are the week eight results. Leading scorers follow...

Culture Kills Lions (7-1) - 57 - Ravens Defense - 28 points
navelgazing ramblers (2-6) - 43 - Ahman Green - 18 points

Witty Team Name (3-5) - 62 - Carson Palmer - 15 points
johnnyhongkong (2-6) - 59 - Rex Grossman - 23 points

CineRobots - (5-3) - 80 - LaDanian Tomlinson - 29 points
Red Zins (3-5) - 72 - Marques Colston - 20 points

Cuckoo For Kapgar (6-2) - 48 - Bears Defense - 16 points
The OC Snackiepoos (2-6) - 35 - Owen Daniels - 16 points

Blogography Hellmonkeys (3-5) - 50 - Peyton Manning - 26 points
TheDutchFiles (4-4) - 30 - Steelers Defense - 12 points

Down With Pants! (8-0) - 75 - Larry Johnson - 32 points
2much411foozball (3-5) - 63 - Willie Parker - 11 points

CineRobots is confident that he will be the first person to knock off the mighty DWP! McNabb is off this week as is Brian Westbrook, but I think Bruce Gradkowski will have something to say about that in the end. It's a big, humongous week for the bottom half of the league. In a weird scheduling coincidence, all of the 3-5 teams play each other. Two of those teams will put themselves in great playoff shape, while the others will fall drastically behind.

2much411foozball vs. Blogography Hellmonkeys
Down With Pants! vs. CineRobots
Red Zins vs. Witty Team Name
TheDutchFiles vs. Cuckoo For Kapgar
The OC Snackiepoos vs. Culture Kills Lions
johnnyhongkong vs. navelgazing ramblers

Bye week teams: New York Jets, Philadelphia, Arizona and Carolina. SET YOUR LINEUPS!!!!!!!


Where's The Rage?

Posted by Brandon |

Tonight I was listening to Rage Against The Machine, a band that I haven't listened to in a long time, and I got a little bummed out about the fact that they aren't making music anymore. If there was ever a time for Rage Against The Machine, it's now.

They hit their zenith in the middle of the peaceful Clinton years and their politics barely ruffled a feather. Now, they could actually make an impact. They could have made an impact after 9/11, during the 2004 elections and throughout the Iraq war. They peaked 10 years too soon robbing us of great non-emo/hippie protest music for our current predicament.

Audioslave sucks, Tom. And Zack, it doesn't sound like you are doing anything. Come on guys. Please suck it up, put your differences behind you and get back to making political music and start pissing people off. We need you now more than the frat boys ever did back in the day.