The Funniest Thing In All of Ojai

Posted by Brandon |

I am happy to announce that ETA VTA launched today and I'm really excited to start blogging about my adopted hometown this week. One of the goals of ETA VTA is to be a hub for Ventura County bloggers, so while developing the site, I started surfing around trying to find other VC blogs.

Tonight I stumbled on a site very similar to ETA VTA that focuses on Ojai, the little, rich, hippie/yuppie, community just to the north of us. The Ojai Post is written by a large group of Ojai locals who, to say the least, are, ummm...interesting. The following are actual excerpts from their bios that illustrate what kind of community Ojai is...

"He considers himself a practicing Buddhist and a potential Christian"

"A master communicator, Jason works daily to innovate"

"...is a fire-horse Leo. mother- sister- daughter- partner. poet. aspiring gardener, herbalist, artist, and Buddhist."

"in an early life, Millennium Twain was the father of the US/International Space Station Program. after his discovery of the lissajous electromagnetic structure of the electron he went on to show the complete foundations of adolescent/superficial 'science' (space, time, mass, energy, charge) in the actual complete helicoidal electrodynamic aethereal experience of sacred nature (light, spirit, consciousness, sensation, communication, knowing). he continued on to discover and publish the topology of the proton, and the neutron, and the atomic nucleus ... and to show the ubiquity of superluminal phenomena (including discovery of the toroidal superstars) in the cosmic wilderness.

later he designed the series of X49 scramjet (air-breathing) spaceplanes, and is continuing that trajectory in superluminal starship plans. his greatest insight, gift of our collective ancestry, is his discovery/uncovery/witnessing of the 'Eight Mother Turtles' (or Eight Cosmic Divinities) which make up the hierarchy of the eight 'layers' or inward/outward shells of cosmic structure, enlightenment, life. with his wife Tatsuzawa Megumi, Millennium (raw, vegan, organic, green, probiotic, bicyclist, immortal) listens to our global culture, the growing feminine, the aboriginal wisdom -- and shares what he can in every moment of every day. for our Blue Star arrived / ascended -- the adi shakti, messiah, maitreyah, meschiak, maadi -- a.k.a. global consciousness ..."

"He has lived in Ojai since 1999 and is an active member of the permaculture community."

"He considers himself a multi media artist and a student of gorilla ontology...This experience is just one drop in the metal bucket placed on the floor of my geodesic dome. I have been exploring body sensory awareness for over 11 years. This has cleared away some of the debris or at least enough to allow for a nice place to land when my wings get tired."

"perhaps more importantly evan is an avid student of peace, nonviolence, and democracy, and of the social structures that encourage these things to develop...evan considers himself to be a citizen of the world, and his religion is to do good."

"I opened my colon hydrotherapy practice in the fall of 2003 at Synergistic Health"

These are the community leaders of Ojai for better or for worse. I have no problem with them, I'm a very liberal person myself, I just don't take myself seriously enough to ever write anything like that. I'm not sure that any of them have a sense of humor because if they did, their bios wouldn't be so damn funny.


Anonymous said...

Hey Brandon, thanks for noticing us! We posted a little piece on this here:

Anonymous said...

There appears to be a typo in the link ... it says "etavata" instead of "etavta". Figure you might want to fix that ...

LS said...

the commenter's link has been corrected

Brandon said...

Lisa - thanks for noticing and for being a good sport. I was just having some fun with y'all. I'm glad to have caused a stir on my very first day! By the way, this is my personal blog not ETA VTA. This was more meant for people who have heard me talk about Ojai in length before.

Anonymous - thanks for the tip, all nice and fixed now.

Robert said...

I'm working on my bio now ... deeply disappointed I wasn't interesting enough to get an excerpt... throwing in all my past lives now...

Anonymous said...

Blogging doth not a community leader make!
All you bloggers take yourself waaaaay too seriously.

...but you are funnier than the comic section.