DOWN WITH PANTS!

I'm sick and tired of all of these cool online t-shirt companies and blogs printing their merchandise on American Apparel shirts. I'm a big dude, I am 6-4, 290 pounds of nerdy man meat, baby, and I don't fit into the faux 2XL's that American Apparel produces for the hipster set. I would love my Big Lebowski Kauro Betto shirt to fit more than once and I would love a First Mate t-shirt from Summer School, but I would prefer that it be a little bit thicker than wax paper and not nearly as clingy as saran wrap.

I know wafer thin is in, even for guys, but come on already. I'm not planning on doing any soft-core porn advertising campaigns, I don't have a shag haircut, I don't wear my collars up on my polos, and I am not in The Strokes. All I want is a solid t-shirt. So drop the American Apparel and give me a Beefy-T. And please, I am begging all of you fine folks who are still printing on nice thick t-shirts, keep up the good work. Us big guys really appreciate it.

Speaking of ill fitting clothing and other bullshit: Old Navy can go fuck themselves. I've always had a love/hate relationship with Old Navy. Some of my favorite clothing items have come from there, but more often than not I am completely frustrated by their lack of consistent sizing on 2XL clothes and the fact that their men's clothes keep getting uglier and uglier by the day.

Right now, there isn't a single item in Old Navy that I would even consider wearing. Why do we need thirty different styles of dirty ass pants? I do my best to keep from falling down in the dirt every day, so why would I purchase a pair of jeans that looks like I rolled around in the mud that morning? And I truly don't want a "broken in" baseball shirt, I usually throw my shirts out when the ringer starts to shred. What's next? Mustard and ketchup stained crewnecks? Yellow underarm t-shirts? Bloody nipple running shirts? Poopy pant cargos?

P.S...Please go visit my new renter, Emails from Jesus. Our Lord and Savior has been kind enough to shed his light on the filth that is Down With Pants! and I would really appreciate it if you went over there and read the good word. Go ahead and ask him a question, I'm sure that he will enlighten and inspire you to do great things.