Five Star Schmidtchen

Posted by Brandon |

As you know, I'm a big Yelper. I love that site. A social networking site and review site all wrapped up into one big package.

One thing that really frustrates Yelpers is when one of two thing happens: A company starts Astroturfing - in this instance a public relations tactic of posting staged/fake reviews for a business. Or when a business solicits their customers to post glowing reviews for them. I appreciate that customers say nice things about them, but it still rings false - perhaps it's actually sock-puppeteering, I don't know. Either way, it hurts the genuine grassroots integrity of all review sites to have semi-bogus tactics like these infiltrate the site.

Recently a batch of reviews were posted for a realtor in Santa Barbara named Kevin Schmidtchen. I have no proof that there is any wrong-doing on his part. According to an email that he replied to sent by a fellow Yelper, he just asked his customers to write reviews on a couple of different sites. I suppose that's fine, if it's true. But the reviews are so full of praise and so glowing that they ring totally false. They all look incredibly fishy.

So as someone who loves to follow the crowd, I had to post my own review of Kevin Schmidtchen in the talk threads. And here it is....

"Kevin Schmidtchen makes the world go round. He makes the sun and the stars shine. His touch alone can heal the sick and the wounded and makes blind men see. He's the twinkle in the eye of a child on Christmas. When he speaks, presidents and kings, dictators and despots, the Pope and the Dalai Lama, Mother Nature and Father Time all crook their ears to listen. And when he sells a home, he lights up the Yelp world with the brightest five star reviews ever written.

Kevin Schmidtchen is love, and love is Kevin Schmidtchen"

Not to be oudone, Lemonjelly l. also posted her own review....

"Kevin Schmidtchen sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled real estate advertising ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Kevin roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Expect a 5 star recommendation from the devil shortly."

Perhaps I'll be getting my first cease-and-desist email sometime soon.


Peeved Michelle said...


P.S. Tony's NY Pizza still isn't open yet.

Contact said...

The term I use to describe what Schmidtchen did is "sandbagging." I could be wrong, but I was miffed nonetheless.
I believe he created his own business page, and even if he didn't, he uploaded his own portrait onto the business page. Looks like he's since removed the picture and had his own personal account deleted.
I especially did not appreciate his generalizations of what Santa Barbarans did or did not know about the internet.

Anyway, hopefully it was obvious, my review of him was a blatant steal from a Chuck Norris fact. I wanted to rouse the troops to submit other Schmidtchen facts, Norris-style, but maybe it's time to let him die away quietly.