DOWN WITH PANTS!

"So, as a 30-something woman still searching for love, is it okay to ask a guy out? How about if she's dropped several subtle [read obvious] hints that he hasn't picked up on. Does that change the answer? Does the answer change if he is a coworker? How about if I were a hot leggy blonde vs a mousy brown-haired chick with glasses?" - Growing Old Needing A Dude

First let's just deal with the asking a guy out subject because the coworker subject is something totally different.

This is going to sound a little bit backhanded, GONAD, and I'm sorry if it is, but at this point in your life it is time to put aside any bullshit dating customs and get down to business if you are serious about finding love. Grow some balls and ask some dudes out.

Hints don't work. We are clueless to hints, even the most obvious ones. Hell, even straight up asking a guy out doesn't necessarily mean he'll get the hint. I was asked out on a date once and I guess I turned the girl down, but didn't even realize I had been asked out until almost five years later when a mutual friend made a joke about it. If I remember right the question was worded oddly or made in a weird context and I thought she was making a general reference and not really making a serious inquiry.

Point is, men are dumb. At some point, women have to push the subject on us and not let us act like idiots in the face of the obvious. Ask your boy out, and if he is turned off by your directness and clings to this outdated idea of the traditional rather than the possibility of something good than fuck him, he ain't for you.

Now onto the other two parts of the equation. Speaking strictly as a male, GONAD, I can honestly say that every man wishes that a hot leggy blonde would just walk up to them and ask them out. But you are the one who is going to do the asking and homeboy probably won't get that same proposition from a hot leggy blonde anytime soon so unless he has a mental disorder and will only accept propositions from hot leggy blondes, it is a moot point.

As for the coworker business, one of the top places to meet someone of the opposite sex is at work. It is a prime socializing location. Hell, for some of us it is the only socializing you do all day. But you have to determine what the office politics are like at your job for yourself. I have no idea. Every office is different.

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"What should I demand from my husband in exchange for the BJs? I'm not giving those up for free, yo." - For Every Lewd Lick And Touch I Order Gifts In Rose and Lavender

I can't believe I am giving real advice rather than tongue-in-cheek crap like I intended but I have a real answer for this question too.

In this case, FELLATIO GIRL, men can take a hint. A blowjob is the ultimate hint. Men are not stupid when it comes to a BJ.

When your husband does something you like and you want it to happen again you have to reward him with a surprise suck. A blowjob that comes completely out of the blue.

He will then review his entire day to figure out where this came from. Most likely he will try to replicate everything that he did for you that day until he hits upon the one thing that did the trick. When he hits upon that you must give him another BJ.

Soon enough he will be trained. You will get what you want all the time. Probably too much. You must then stop and train him to do something else. You can't confuse him by trying for two different things at the same time either. Don't get greedy.

If that doesn't work then you should demand cash or merchandise. You're not a prostitute if the man is your husband.

***More of your questions to come later in the week. If you want to Ask The Pantsless Pontificate scroll down the page two posts or email me at downwithpants@gmail.com