DOWN WITH PANTS!

I have always wanted to be an advice columnist. I don't know why. I just really want to help people. It is my calling to do good and now I offer my services to you, my faithful reader. I care, I really do, and I swear that I will give you good, helpful advice that I think we all can learn something from.

So please, if you need some advice, fill out the form below and hit "Ask It" and I will gladly do my best to give you the help you so sorely need. And if you want to remain anonymous, that's fine. You don't have to fill out the whole form. Just give me some kind of snappy name like Dan Savage always has.

UPDATE: Come on people, drop me a question or two. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking stuff here. It doesn't have to be a serious problem or anything. Just fill out the form quickly on your way through (blog explosioners, it won't take more than 30 seconds, I swear). I just need some questions to work with here. By the way, it's an email form. Your question will be emailed straight to me and not posted directly on the site or anything.