DOWN WITH PANTS!

Today while checking out the basketball team pages of some small colleges in the Seattle area I came across this mission statement regarding Puget Sound Christian College...

To develop in each student, through the entire curricular and co-curricular programming, a fervent, God-conscious Christian experience kindled with the flame of lifestyle evangelism and missionary passion.

The first thing I had to ask myself was...Huh? Then I read it again, and again, and again, and again and I still haven't really figured it out. I think I get the gist of the statement, but I'm not so sure I understand the individual parts of the sentence. So lets go ahead and break it down.

1. through the entire curricular and co-curricular programming - This apparently means everything that the college does. Seeing that this is a mission statement for a college, this portion could easily be dropped and not be missed.

2. fervent - According to Merriam-Webster this means very hot or exhibiting or marked by great intensity of feeling. Also known as zealous.

3. God-conscious Christian experience - Is there any other kind of Christian experience? I guess this is kind of a shot at all of the Christian colleges that don't require a "God-conscious" experience. Those bastards! Seriously though, I am God-conscious. I use His name all the time when having a "Christian experience".

4. kindled - Of course you can't just throw a log onto the God-conscious Christian experience. You have to slowly get it going with...

5. the flame of lifestyle evangelism - Lifestyle evangelism? What does that even mean? Whatever it is, it sounds like a big hurking log, not a little bit of kindling. Doesn't Lifestyle Evangelism kind of sound like a condom?

6. missionary passion - Oh boy! How I love me some missionary passion! Finally something in this mission statement I can get behind. Well, maybe not. That wouldn't be missionary passion would it?

So after further review I have decided to amend the Puget Sound Christian College mission statement to...

To develop in each student a very hot, God-conscious "Christian experience" kindled with the flame of missionary passion while using Lifestyle Evangelisms.

Now that is much, much better!