DOWN WITH PANTS!

DOWN-WITH-PANTS.COM

2011-06-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all. I've moved. You can find me over at down-with-pants.com now. Update!

The Kids Are NOT All Right (See What I Did There!?)

2011-01-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

I kind of promised that I’d write a review of the movie “The Kids Are All Right” on Twitter last week and though I don’t quite have the time to really write a polished, well thought out post about the film, let me quickly tell you why after watching the film and thinking about it for a few days, I have come to nearly loathe that movie.

I have one really simple problem with the movie: Other than the twist that the couple is a lesbian couple and their kids search out their sperm donor father, the film is nothing more than a boring melodrama about an upper middle class family. I don’t feel like any other new ground is broken. It could just as easily been a film with a regular couple whose adoptive kids find their biological father. I suppose that is the point it is trying to make: homosexual couples and their families are just like traditional families. And perhaps people need to see that. I don’t, I already know that, so the whole main point of the film is a retread to me.

What could’ve saved the movie for me was to have interesting, sympathetic characters that I would be interested in watching a basic melodrama about. And though I fear saying this will make some of you think of me as nothing but a woman hating masochist….the only character that I thought was likable, interesting or worth rooting for was Mark Ruffalo’s character (Paul) – the single, laid back, enjoying life, restaurateur sperm donor that their kids search out and bring into their lives.

Other than that, I thought that Julianne Moore’s character (Jules) was a big ball of boredom and psychobabble, Annette Benning’s character (Nic) a sad stereotype of an educated, career achieving doctor and the kids are just typical teenagers that aren’t interesting or remarkable in any way. I feel like the only reason we are supposed to like this family is because they are non-traditional and have been a reasonably successful family up to this point.

The only other characters I had any interest in otherwise were the Mexican gardener that gets fired and chewed out by Jules and the girl from the restaurant that Paul hooks up with early in the movie.

And what happens to the only character that I care about in any way shape or form? He learns the most, he changes the most and he loses the most. He loses the carefree innocence that he lived with, he loses the kids that he has come to care about despite just meeting them, he loses the woman that he becomes infatuated with, he loses…period. None of the other drama-seeking/creating characters lose anything. In fact they all grow by tearing down a guy that just agreed to meet his biological children when they randomly called him out of the blue.

At one point Nic screams at Paul “get your own family!” And though I think the film wants us to be like “Yeah! Get your own family!” All I wanted to scream at the screen was “your family chose him!”

Hell, even the gardener loses his job and the girl from the restaurant loses Paul to maturity all at the expense of this family’s supposed struggles and eventual growth.

I also don’t understand the message that the sexuality in this film is trying to convey. It starts with the sex scene between Nic and Julianne Moore’s character (Jules) in which they watch gay male porn and continues with Jules quick jump in the sack with Paul. Gays and lesbians are always trying to convince people that their lifestyle isn’t a choice and yet this lesbian couple watches dick to get off and Jules is lured from her longtime partner by just a hot guy and the “need to be appreciated”. And it simply dismisses these problems of sexuality by saying “sexuality is complicated” or “marriage is hard”.

While I acknowledge sexuality is complicated - I don’t believe that it is as cut-and-dry as heterosexuals only like people of the opposite sex and homosexuals only like people of the same sex – and that marriage is hard, I don’t think this movie does any kind of service to gay families in showing how unable to cope with the first signs of adversity that this comfortable upper middle class family has had.

I suppose the whole upper middle class drama is what I really object to in the long run with this movie. This just isn’t a genre of film that I enjoy. I hate movies about boring people feeling bored, alienated and looking for conflict and that’s exactly what this movie is.

Also, expectations complicated my enjoyment. I thought it was supposed to be more lighthearted, funny and heartwarming than it was. It wasn’t at all subtle, I never found it to be funny and because I didn’t care about anybody in the family, the resolution wasn’t heartwarming in the least bit for me.

Hi!

2010-12-18T16:38:00.001-08:00

It's been awhile, huh? Well it still might be a little while longer. We'll see. I'd like to blog again, I just don't spend much time on the computer anymore. But you can always find me over at Twitter - the killer of blogs - @DownWithPants and @SportLogoPundit.

Cheers!

At-Bat Music for Twits

2010-04-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, on baseball's opening day, The Current asked the question what at-bat music would you choose for Tiger Woods, Bob Ross, Amy Winehouse, Richard Dawkins and Sarah Palin. It got me to thinking what people would pick for themselves if they had the option.

So today I posted the question "what music would you choose for your at-bat music?" on Twitter. Here are the responses, which ended up being the perfect amount to fill out a lineup. Best way to do this is to hit play on the video and then in your head, or better yet, in your best PA announcer voice and at full lungs, announce the batter...

Leading off, centerfielder, #24, All That Comes With It Dan...

(We'll give Dan a break since he's from the UK and probably has never seen an at-bat)

Batting second, the second baseman, #35, HelloHaHaNarf...

Batting third, third baseman, #7, Why Naturally Laura...

(Now that's just sucking up to the music guy)

Batting cleanup, the first baseman, #10, Baseball Slant...

In the five hole, leftfielder, #3, Geek Giant...

(I'm not usually a fan of metal for at-bat songs, but this totally works)

Batting sixth and playing catcher, #55, LeSombre...

Batting seventh, rightfielder, lucky #13, Mighty Hunter...

In the eight spot, designated hitter, #7, Poppy Cede...

("Concrete jungle with free tomatoes!")

And batting ninth, the shortstop, #3, Cath68...

And on the mound, #99, right handed peeetcher, Down With Pants!...

So what would you pick for your at-bat music?

A DWP! Tradition: The Easter Ham Story

2010-04-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Two things on this Easter Sunday....I made Lent my bitch, again . Though it was much more difficult this year for some reason, probably because our ice tea maker was broken. Secondly, I give to you the Down With Pants! Easter tradition, The Easter Ham Story. Please to enjoy...

Ever wonder why everybody always eat ham on Easter? Well, I'm no biblical scholar, but here's how I understand the story goes...

When Jesus was resurrected he rose up from the tomb and found a big bunch of Jews hanging out, kicking it, having a picnic of bagels and lox and pastrami sandwiches and talking shit and high fiving about the crucifixtion a few days earlier.

Jesus, as you can imagine, was not pleased. In his deepest, darkest, foulest voice, he bellowed, "silly Jews, I am back. And guess what? We're eating pork, bitches!" And Jesus started flying through the air shooting whole hams from his hands like lightning bolts at all of the Jews. Seeing this, the depressed and downtrodden Christians joined in and picked up all of the hams that Jesus shot and started chasing the Jews around and throwing the hams at them.

When the very last Jew was either chased off or knocked out by Jesus and his Christian ham throwing posse, Jesus took all of the hams and prepared a gigantic feast and proclaimed, "from this day forward, Christians shall eat the meat of the dirty swine just to piss off the Jews!" And in honor of Jesus, his resurrection, and his freeing of the Christian world from Kosher dietary laws, Christians celebrate each Easter by eating ham just to rub it in the faces of the Jewish people.

And that, kids, is why everybody eats ham on Easter. It's also where the game of dodgeball was invented - Christian kids have been using that game to bully little Jewish kids for years - and it's also where the saying "when pigs fly" comes from, although the meaning of that saying got a little mixed up over the years.

But that's a whole nother biblical story that I'd love to share with you sometime very soon. Like I said, I'm no biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure I know how that story goes too.

Cranes, Claws, Controversy

2010-04-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

If you've been following me on Twitter the last few days, you know that I got my first freelance writing gig. On very short notice, my friend, who happens to be the editor of the startup weekly Emerald City Sports, asked me to cover a semi-secret sporting event happening right in my backyard, so I jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know that it would be such a fascinating ride. What follows is the front page article that will hit newstands today throughout the Seattle area. Pick me up a copy, if you happen to see one. And thanks for all of your support!

“I am the greatest arcade claw player in the world!” An exhausted yet triumphant Joe Nguyen yelled after capturing the World Arcade Claw Organization’s championship on Wednesday night in downtown Olympia, Washington.

The nearly 24-hour long competition held at the Loft on Cherry Street capped off a year of scandal and change in the competitive arcade claw circuit. A year that started with the revelation of years of fraud, led to the dissolution of the world organizing body, the disappearance of its leader and finally ended with the first clean crane machine world championship in nearly ten years.

Endurance: “I Didn’t Think I Was THAT Good”

The WACO Championships kicked off on Tuesday night with the endurance test, 12 solid hours of arcade claw play, six hours longer than any other previous championship endurance test. Other than the 10 minute breaks that are given every three hours, the 65 competitors from around the world stand in one spot, hunched over, picking candy and stuffed animals out of a machine.

“This is the most demanding competition in the history of our sport,” said Commissioner Gregory Kporku, the underground arcade claw legend that founded WACO after the International Crane Machine Association was taken over and dissolved in April of 2009. “This will really separate the real champion competitors from the pretenders. It has already scared away most of them.”

The son of the Ghanan ambassador to China, Kporku is highly regarded in the arcade claw world. The markets of Beijing, where he spent his teenage years, are filled with claw machines. You can insert a coin and fish out anything from iPods to stuffed Hello Kitties to live animals. Though most claw machines are programmed to payout in advantage to the owners of the machine, Kporku would routinely pull winners nine times out of ten.

“I’d go in, spend a few dollars, pull out a couple high ticket electronics, sell them and make 200% profit. Then I’d use a few more dollars, pull out a few live lobsters or crabs and give them to a couple of the poorer vendors at the market. I did it quietly and secretly and only a couple people knew.”

But after about a year of losing more than they ever did before, the owners of the cranes discovered the source of their losses and put the clamp down.

“I couldn’t even enter the markets anymore; the security guards harassed me anytime I came near.”

As word of his prowess leaked out, Kporku was approached by a couple businessmen about entering the 2002 International Crane Machine Association’s Championship, coincidentally being held in Beijing. He easily won the championship dominating the three disciplines – endurance, speed and skill – but never felt right about the win.

“It was too easy, I knew I was good, but I didn’t think I was THAT good.”

Disillusioned, Kporku never returned to international competition, but his legend in the competitive arcade crane universe grew as YouTube videos would pop up of him emptying machines all around the world.

“Anywhere I went, I’d find a machine, we’d tape me cleaning it out and usually donating the prizes to the kids that inevitably would surround me while I was doing it. But I never knew that my star was rising because of the videos.”

When the endurance test ends at 8:00 AM, Wednesday morning, 42 of the 65 competitors remain standing. With one third of the players already knocked out, most with sore backs - crane machines are notoriously short – a three hour break is called to give the competitors a rest and to prepare the Loft at Cherry Street for the skills competition.

“It was a successful night,” boasts the Commissioner. “Now the fun begins. Now we’ll find out who is really skilled.”

Skills: “Young Kids, Beautiful Women and Underdogs from Impoverished Lives”

The skills competition begins at 11:00 AM. Two competitors don’t show back up to the Loft, their weary backs getting the best of them in their hotel rooms. The remaining 40 players will go, one-by-one in front of a panel of three judges.

Ten machines are setup with various sized and shaped prizes, randomly programmed with different claw grip strengths, all with different rules of play. Each competitor must pass each test to continue on in the competition. The pressure is enormous. One mistake and your championship run immediately comes to an end.

In the previous 10 years, the skills competition has closed out the championship and was rather subjective while the speed round usually came second, after the endurance test. Now, the competition is more like a tournament. Survivors of the endurance test move onto the skills test and survivors of the skills test move onto the speed round and the winner of the speed round is the champion.

In the 2009 ICMA Championships held in Puerto Vallarta, Melissa Kenworthy, a comely 20 year-old from Richmond, Indiana, who has since filmed two VH1 reality shows, was the only competitor left standing after the skills competition despite barely escaping the endurance test and coming in second to last in the speed round.

Kenworthy’s resounding victory was the boldest and most transparent fraud carried out in the history of the ICMA championships. Suspicions of foul play were already high after the 2008 competition in Bucharest when offshore gambling parlors reported a record amount of bets were placed on the eventual champion, Scott Hufnagel, a 12 year-old boy from Adelaide, Australia.

“Every champion this sport has had since 2001 have been completely unknown prior to winning,” said WACO commissioner Kporku. “And after the first few years, looking back at it, they all fit a marketable mold: young kids, beautiful women, underdogs from impoverished lives. With each year, it became obvious to the serious players that somebody, maybe even ICMA, was choosing the most marketable competitors and rigging the machines to give them the win.”

Most of the champions never knew they were chosen to be victors and walked away from the championship with only a small cash reward, a trophy and the requirement to represent ICMA on goodwill and marketing appearances.

However, starting with Hufnagel in 2008 and perhaps even the 2007 winner, Bobby Sanchez of Reynosa, Mexico, it appears that champions started to profit greatly from their wins. Shortly after his win, Hufnagel’s family moved from their 700 square foot, two bedroom apartment in a lower-middle class Adelaide neighborhood to a six bedroom, 4,500 square foot McMansion in a tony suburb while Sanchez is an international playboy, a far cry from his previous life working in a tortilleria.

Kenworthy confirmed suspicions when in June of 2009 she sued ICMA president John Koflanovich to retrieve what she claimed was promised to her: 25% of his offshore gambling wins on the competition, a modeling contract with the Ford Modeling Agency and a starring role in a Pussycat Dolls knockoff that he claimed he was producing for a Las Vegas casino. But Kenworthy claims that when Koflanovich’s romantic advances were rebuked, he became withdrawn, started sending her to humiliating marketing appearances and never paid her a cent.

Koflanovich hasn’t been seen since two days after Kenworthy filed her lawsuit. And though a few clues have emerged that he is still alive, his family fears the worst.

Back in Olympia, it is 4:30 PM and the skills competition has finally wrapped up. There were a few bumps along the way including some technical difficulties with the random grip strength machine that threaten to mar the results of the championship, but most of the competitors agree that this was a very fair test of their skills.

25 competitors remain. Knocked out in this round: 14 year-old Scott Hufnagel, a surprise last minute entry to the competition. He was unable to finish even the most basic of skills and left the Loft without comment.

Speed: “We Didn’t Care, It Was Exhilarating”

25 arcade claw machines line the room, all set with the exact same grip strength settings, all filled with identical stuffed animals, all set to allow two moves before dropping the claw. When the bell rings, all 25 competitors run to their machines with one simple goal: pick out the most stuffed animals in 60 minutes.

Amongst the crowd of hopefuls still in the running for the WACO championship are Kevin Mattingly – the first ICMA champion in 1999 and cofounder of the organization in 1997 with Koflanovich – and 2006 champion Joe Nguyen.

Kevin Mattingly met John Koflanovich in 1996 as a freshman at Bowling Green State University.

“We were fraternity brothers and roommates,” recalls Mattingly during a break from the competition. “I don’t know where it came from, but a crane machine turned up, tipped over in the middle of our room. Rather than get mad about this strange hazing, we picked it up, plugged it in and started playing.”

After a huge success with a 1997 Greek system tournament, Mattingly and Koflanovich jokingly founded the ICMA, produced a website in a computer science class and organized their first international tournament. Expecting a handful of friends from Ohio to come, it came as a huge surprise when 50 people from as far away as Norway came to play in the first ICMA championship held at the BGSU Student Union.

“We had no idea it would be a hit,” says Mattingly. “Our website ended up in an arcade claw message board that we didn’t even know existed and people got really excited. It was the first tournament of its kind. We had to totally rewrite the rules and get more machines. But we didn’t care, it was exhilarating.”

But the unexpected success put a strain on their relationship. After winning the first championship, Mattingly settled back into college life while Koflanovich left school to promote the ICMA internationally, convinced that he had hit upon an idea that would make him rich.

“He got rich alright, and I made a fair share of money,” said Mattingly. “But with each passing year, the people that he brought in got shadier and shadier until I had enough and became the most silent of silent partners. I kept my ownership share, but didn’t collect any money or have anything to do with the ICMA until after the 2009 tournament.”

When Koflanovich disappeared following Melissa Kenworthy’s lawsuit, Mattingly went straight to work researching the business and discovered that every championship since 2001 had been tainted, rigged by either international gamblers or by Koflanovich himself.

Immediately he distributed the ICMA’s assets over to the players that he felt had been cheated and then dissolved the organization. A month later he formed the WACO as a member owned co-op and hired Gregory Kporku, the passionate former champion, internet sensation and arcade claw hero who was eager to change the culture of a sport that he helped tarnish.

“I could tell when I met him that he was embarrassed and pretty pissed off that he had been taken advantage of,” said Mattingly, “and he wanted to do something about it. He wanted to have clean, pure competitions. He was a perfect fit for commissioner.”

Joe Nguyen also had an axe to grind with Koflanovich. Nguyen shocked everybody when he won the championship in 2006. Most shocked were the international gamblers that Koflanovich conspired with to rig the games in favor of Adela Diaz, the holy trinity of ICMA champions – 14 years-old, supermodel beauty, from an impossibly impoverished upbringing in Guatemala.

“I was just better than her,” says Oxnard, California native Nguyen. “Even handicapped, even with rigged machines, I beat her.”

But Nguyen paid a price for his victory. Koflanovich spread rumors among ICMA members that Nguyen himself had cheated. He then let loose his co-conspirators and they shook Nguyen down for cash, periodically roughed him up and generally made his life a living nightmare for the next year after winning the championship.

“Winning in 2006 turned out to be the worst thing that could happen.”

Apparently, Nguyen’s victory drove Koflanovich to take total control of who won and how they won. The next three year’s competitions weren’t even close and participation in the event by serious players dwindled. When Kenworthy won in 2009, nobody was surprised.

“As soon as she walked in the room, I said ‘there’s our winner’,” recalls Mike Cannon, a five time ICMA championship participant and WACO championship finalist.

“This year is totally different. Everybody has a chance, anybody could win. It’s exciting to finally feel that way.”

With five minutes remaining in the speed round, the competition is close. Kevin Mattingly – competing in his first competition since 2000 – leads with 95 animals picked. Joe Nguyen is in second with 93 and Marianne Beaman is third with 90. Mattingly glances up at the scoreboard and you can literally see him tense up. He misses his next four attempts while Nguyen gets three out of four.

With a 96-95 lead, Nguyen settles into a rhythm and doesn’t miss another attempt finishing with 104 animals picked in 60 minutes. Mattingly only manages to pick three in the final five minutes and finishes in second with 98.

Minutes later, watching commissioner Kporku on stage, awash with confetti, hand over the WACO championship trophy and an oversized check in the amount of $500 – all the prize money that could be afforded this year - to Nguyen, Mattingly beams with pride.

“Sure I came in second. I kind of choked down the stretch. But it doesn’t matter. We have our rightful champion. We have our clean championships. We have our sport back in order. This is all I could ask for.”

Hard Hail, Hard Win, Hard Nipples

2010-03-31T07:12:00.001-07:00

Last night we played soccer in what can only be described as the wettest of conditions.

For the first 15 minutes, it hailed heavily. Little razor blades of ice fell from the sky punishing any exposed skin. My ears felt like they were being stuck with pins, my hands went completely numb, I was afraid to head the ball because I thought my head would explode like an ice sculpture dropped on the floor upon impact.

The hail finally let up, but the inch of standing water on one side of the field – the side I spent most of my night on – sucked in your foot with every step. I nearly lost my shoe to the mud on several occasions. I took numerous faces full of kicked water. Once, I put my entire foot on a ball kicking it extremely hard only to have it stay in the exact spot that I left it while I went running by.

It was absolutely miserable. Even the game that we played in 9 degree weather in December wasn’t that miserable. By the end of the game everybody on the field looked like a drowned rat. It passed the point of comedy – I actually enjoy playing in adverse weather conditions, it at least can be comical – to being a dangerous slog.

Making it even more miserable was that we didn’t have a referee and we played an overly testosterone fueled team of rugby players. There were numerous collisions, overtly overaggressive plays, a pair of incidental handballs that had people so mad that it easily could’ve escalated past arguing. It was a game that needed a referee.

But the league that we pay good money to play in can’t seem to get referees to do their games. Our captain, a referee himself, said that we’ll be lucky to have a ref for one or two games this season. Great.

The good news to come out of the game is we won, 2-1. Considering they had six guy subs to our one and appeared to be a more skilled team, it was a surprising outcome.

I played OK, I’m still struggling to do some soccer basics, like kicking the ball. I had an opportunity at what should’ve been an easy goal. All I had to do was not kick the ball right at the goalie and I’d have had just my second goal of my short soccer career. Well, I didn’t kick the ball at the goalie, but I also didn’t kick it at the goal. Somehow I barely got a foot on it and it went across the goal and into the corner. What’s funny is that normally I’d agonize over missing that goal for days, but I was so distracted by being so wet and so cold that until typing this paragraph, I hadn’t even thought about it.

So let’s get to the Too Much Information part of this post: My nipples seriously hurt. It is 7:00 AM and we are now going on 12 hours of permanent, painful tittie hard-on. Seriously, they’ve been rock hard since the game and they hurt like a motherfucker. I don’t know what to do to get them not to hurt. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out. I’m sure it’ll go away pretty soon.

Anyway, now that I’ve put that image in your head….enjoy your day! Hopefully my rock hard nipples won’t haunt you too much.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Butterflies and Basketballs

2010-03-25T07:50:00.001-07:00

It’s 6:15 AM, I’m sitting here at work (I know, I should be working) in my unwashed Washington Huskies jersey that I’ve been wearing for every game for the past two weeks – you don’t wash that luck out during a steak – and I am seriously excited, nervous and very restless about tonight’s game, a mere 10 hours away.

The day has already gotten off to a bit of an auspicious beginning. I was about five minutes late for work – missing my morning meeting that starts promptly at 5:59 AM even though our shift starts at 6:00 AM – because I couldn’t find my wallet anywhere. Luckily, it occurred to me that I was laying on the ground in Addie’s room when she went to bed, so I snuck in and there it was, on her floor, and I did it without waking her up. The problem is, the game tips off before I get off at 4:30, so I was hoping to leave early but asking to leave early after being late isn’t the best idea. Oh well, I don’t care, I’m still leaving early to get myself in front of a TV.

I was thinking about telling you about the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, which is totally Washington Huskies/college basketball related. However, trying to keep it positive today, I’ll tell you about when my real love for Washington Huskies basketball began.

It was 2004 and things looked very bleak and typical for the Huskies, another disappointing season going into the books. But after a big loss to Oregon State that dropped them to 0-5 in Pac-10 play, Nate Robinson, Brandon Roy, Will Conroy, Curtis Allen, Bobby Jones and Mike Jensen went on a tear winning 11-of-13 games leading up to a season finale against undefeated and #1 ranked Stanford. The whole city was abuzz about Huskies basketball and you just got this feeling that the Stanford game was going to be something really special to attend.

I HAD to go to the game, but so did everybody else in the Seattle area. The game was completely sold out and I did not have a ticket but I figured I might be able to get one outside of Hec Edmundson Pavilion before the game. So I headed down to the arena an hour and a half before game time with $40 in my pocket - the most I was able to spend – hoping to score a ticket..

Unfortunately, when I got there, it became clear that I wasn’t the only one without a ticket hoping to get into the game. There were tons of people standing around with one finger in the air unwilling to pay the $150 price that scalpers were trying to get for their tickets. With about 20 minutes left before tip-off, I gave up trying to find a ticket and instead hightailed it back to the car to get myself to a bar to watch the game on TV, but I figured that while I was walking back to the car, I might as well keep that finger in the air and keep pitching for a ticket. About 20 feet from the car, I hear from behind me, “hey man, you need a ticket? My friend decided not to come and I have an extra.” And he gave it to me for face value, though I think I gave him an extra five dollars and I may have bought him a soda at halftime.

And the game WAS something special. The Huskies took it to Stanford the entire game and drilled the Cardinal 75-62. The euphoria in the building was something that I don’t think can ever be replicated. I’ve never been in a building that was that full of positive energy. It was absolutely amazing. It was a celebration of everything that happened during their magical run that season and it was a celebration in anticipation of what was ahead. The team was young, the team was fun, the team was really talented. Everybody in that building knew that the next few years were going to be awesome to watch and I think everybody was reveling in it during that Stanford drubbing.

And things have never been the same. Basketball is now the school’s major sport and with the Supersonics departure for Oklahoma, the Huskies are Seattle’s #1 basketball team. The expectations are Sweet Sixteens or better instead of being euphoric about an 18-10 finish.

That’s why this season was disappointing until they rallied to win the Pac-10 Tournament and then knocked off #6 seed Marquette and #3 New Mexico in the opening weekend of the NCAA tournament. And now that’s why I sit here in a dirty jersey, butterflies in my stomach, trying to pass the time away before today’s 4:27 tip time hoping that my Dawgs can tear up some Mountaineers.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Current

2010-03-16T07:33:00.001-07:00

I have a new favorite radio station, though admittedly, there isn’t much competition because I didn’t really have a favorite to begin with.

While I have always liked the idea of Seattle’s non-commercial indie icon KEXP and former Oxford, Ohio’s terrestrial radio now Cincinnati/Austin’s online only WOXY, neither station really satisfies me. KEXP is just too easy listening. They play way too much really quiet, wussie indie music, boring alt-country and ambient electronic music. Despite its revered hipster status here in the Seattle area, it has become a really sleepy, boring radio station. I can listen for a whole hour and not hear one song that I really enjoy and it will probably make me slip into a deep music induced sleep. WOXY isn’t as boring, but they play a lot of music that is less accessible, less polished – but not in a good way. Don’t ask me to explain, I can’t, it just doesn’t work for me.

While searching around for some good kid’s music – the kindie genre is one that I’ve become really interested in and am thinking about doing a radio show/podcast – I found Minnesota Public Radio’s HD and internet channel Wonderground Radio. It’s a station that has a nice little mix of music that is kid friendly - some good adult indie music mixed with kid’s artists. The only problem is that it’s completely automated and seems to repeat quite often. But Wonderground Radio led me to the station that it is an offshoot of, The Current – my new favorite radio station.

The Current is basically the same format as both KEXP and WOXY but what it does really well is keep things pretty upbeat. In direct comparison to KEXP, The Current plays most of the same artists, but where KEXP plays a lot of the softer, slower songs off of an artist’s album, The Current plays the faster, poppier, more radio friendly songs. Now instead of not liking a single song over an hour I’m bopping along to virtually an entire hour of music by practically the same artists. Sure they play some softer, slower tracks, but it’s usually the exception instead of the rule. It’s just so much more of a satisfying and exciting listening experience for me. It’s almost exactly what I’ve been looking for in a radio station for a really long time.

Anyway, you can find MPR’s The Current at 89.3 FM in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, on the web at thecurrent.org or if you have an iPhone, you can listen on the MPR app.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Mortified

2010-03-15T07:45:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my work computer went completely tits up because of a virus and I had to call in our building’s IT professional to unbork my computer. While I admit that I had been surfing the internet a little too much, I wasn’t looking at anything more damning than Deadspin or even (gasp) Slate.com. So when the IT lady gave me kind of a stern warning about “certain” websites and that she’d clean it up this one time, I was a little bit confused but didn’t really think too much about it - in fact, I just shrugged and chuckled about it. I just figured she was warning me about Twitter or Facebook.

So when I needed to track a package for work the following week and found that my internet still wasn’t working – I have taken to using my iPhone for any personal surfing needs – I called the IT lady again. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong so she contacted another IT person that wasn’t in our building. She didn’t have his number, so she sent an email from my account to have him call her at my extension. A little while later, I was looking to see if I had sent an another email and ran across her email that she sent. What follows is that email and the series of mortifying emails that followed…

----------------------------------------

From: Brandon
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 11:36 AM
To: Jeff
Subject: hey call me it (IT lady)

Hey im at that porn virus computer. Iv done everything but its still there call 1360xxxxxxx

From: Brandon
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 1:12 PM
To: (IT lady)
Subject: FW: hey call me it (IT lady)

(IT lady),

I hope you don’t think I was looking at porn on my computer, that wasn’t the case. Worst website I visited on a regular basis was Twitter or sometimes Deadspin – a sports blog. Mainly it was online radio and newspapers.

-Brandon

From: (IT Lady)
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 1:35 PM
To: Brandon
Subject: RE: hey call me it (IT lady)

Well yeah, actually I did. When I first was cleaning up that virus all it kept doing was popping up this one porn site. I had to actually log off because it keep popping up well hummm lets say pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!. That’s why I first asked you was there anyone else that uses your machine? And when I said, there are “certain” sites that give viruses more than others. And when I talked to you the second time. I said “just so we were clear I would clean it up this time. But I cant do it again” what did you think I was talking about? There was quite of few sites in the history that were quite damaging. Like I said I would clean it that time. If your worried about what I said to Jeff in that email. don’t worry about it. we talked about it and decided that was (if you will) that was 1

(IT Lady)

From: Brandon
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 2:06 PM
To: (IT lady)
Subject: RE: hey call me it (IT lady)

That’s crazy because I definitely never went to any porn sites, swear to god. I know that might be hard to believe considering that you found damaging sites in history and I probably can’t convince you, but you have to take me at my word. I may have a web surfing problem, but I’m not stupid enough to look at porn at work. I was just thinking that I wasn’t supposed to be using Facebook or Twitter or whatever…serious time wasters that management usually is not fond of people using.

Now you have me wondering if anybody else does use my computer. We do have a night crew. Since I have a strike one on me, I’m telling you now that I’m not using my internet for anything but the intranet, UPS.com, Conway Freight, Yellow Freight and maybe a few other totally work related sites. If porn sites end up in my history or I get another porn related virus, I don’t want to be blamed because it wasn’t me.

Totally mortified,
Brandon

From: (IT lady)
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 2:30 PM
To: Brandon
Subject: RE: hey call me it (IT lady)

Do you lock your computer up when you leave? Lock up as in hitting control / alt / delete / lock computer? You remember when I asked you if anyone else uses your computer? Ya know, I thought to my self, WOW he handled him self quite well. I was completely impressed how you just said OK. If fact I was telling some friends of mine, (outside of work) how well you carried your self considering you got caught for watching porn at work.

From: Brandon
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:32 PM
To: (IT lady)
Subject: RE: hey call me it (IT lady)

GAH! You must’ve thought I was a sociopath or something. That doesn’t make me feel better, it makes me feel like I came off as CRAZY. If I would’ve got caught watching porn, I think I would’ve just walked out of the building and never come back. Just thinking that you think I was watching porn makes me want to walk out the building and never come back.

Anyway, I almost always log off of my profile or even turn off the computer when I leave, so I don’t know what the deal is. I’ll try locking it down from here on out.

Still totally and completely mortified,
Brandon

From: (IT lady)
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:35 PM
To: Brandon
Subject: RE: hey call me it (IT lady)

No no I didn’t mean to make you feel worse. Gezzz I was just saying you handled your self very professional. That all. Its no biggy really. I didn’t tell anyone. Just jeff and he didn’t tell anyone. Its all good.

----------------------------------------

Well, thank god it’s “all good”. If I would’ve been fired for looking at porn when I wasn’t actually looking at porn, that would’ve been a hard one to swallow. And though it is “all good”, I have a hard time facing the IT lady that found porn all over my computer and now assumes that I am a guy that just sat back here jerking it all day who then shows no remorse or concern when caught red handed.

On a related note: thank god for the iPhone....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Module 4 - Intro To Pop Culture

2010-02-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

Since we last spoke on this blog, big changes have been afoot in the Down With Pants! world. For one, I'm no longer a stay-at-home dad. I started working at a job that made me think about what I'd like to do next. One of the things I decided to do to improve my lot in the working world is finish my BA at Bowling Green State University. I'm only a few credits away, which is awesome, and I can take some classes that are really interesting. One of them is Intro To Popular Culture - admittedly a bit of a fluff class. We have a discussion board and have to post answers to questions each week. This week's were particularly fun to answer so I bring them to you here as well...

1. What was your first favorite musical group or singer, how old were you at the time and what was impotant to you about the music?

From as long as I can remember, The Beatles have been my favorite band. My parents exposed me to their music, their movies and everything that they did at a young age and their fun and humor originally is what drew me to them. They were also my parent’s favorite band and we kind of bonded over them. One reason that they stayed in my life for so long is that as I aged and matured I was able to move into different parts of their career that matched where I was. As a young child I liked things like “Twist & Shout” and music off of their first few albums like A Hard Day’s Night that was faster and less challenging. As I got older I got more into albums like Revolver and Rubber Soul and as a teenager I was fascinated with Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band and The White Album. Now, in my thirties, two of my favorite albums are Abbey Road and Let It Be (though I prefer the Let It Be…Naked album that they released a few years ago that is stripped of Phil Spector’s overproduction).

2. What is your favorite musical group or singer today and what is important about the music for you today?

The Beatles are still my favorite band but for the purpose of this exercise, let me divert from them. I have a hard time nailing down my favorite band after The Beatles because it changes from situation to situation, but I’d have to say that there is no band that I listen to more and no band can make me happier or cheer me up quicker than The Shins. They have this great mix of music that ranges from poppy and upbeat and cheery to dark and mysterious to ethereal and trippy. I’ve listened to them on two cross-country red-eye flights while dozing and it always puts me in the right mood. In fact, they put me in the right mood whenever I listen to them no matter what kind of mood I’m in or want to be in. Also, I love singing their songs, which is something I do at the top of my lungs in my car all the time.

3. How often do you listen to music in the day?

I listen to music as much as I can. I take a short break to listen to NPR on my way to work but I turn on music as soon as I get to work and have it on almost the whole day after that. And when I’m at home, except for when we are watching TV, music is playing.

4. What formats do you listen to music....the radio...compact disc....ipod...and why?

I listen to many different formats of music. On a daily basis I listen to terrestrial radio, internet broadcasts of terrestrial stations, online only radio stations, compact discs, my iPod, music apps on my iPhone like Pandora, Lastfm or Slacker. It all depends on the mood I’m in, what kind of music I want to hear, whether I want to listen to familiar music or if I want to listen to music I’ve never heard before or don’t know much about. My iPod is for music I know, online stations are for new music and terrestrial radio is usually for music I know that I don’t necessarily have on my iPod like classic rock or country music.

5. What was the last compact disc that you purchased and when?

The last CD I bought was right around Christmas. I was shopping at Best Buy for gifts for other people and found out that Patton Oswalt (a comedian) had a new CD out. So because I was feeling impulsive and I didn’t have it on one of my wish lists, I decided to buy it. I thought about waiting and going home and downloading it on iTunes but it included a DVD of the show so I thought that was worth a few more dollars.

6. Are compact discs too expensive?

I don’t think that CD’s are too expensive, I think that $12 is actually a fair price for them and I have no problem paying that amount when I do purchase a CD. However, now that you can get the music on iTunes or digitally for only $10 (or even less sometimes on Amazon), I rarely purchase CD’s. Also, since I have hundreds of CD’s, I have hundreds of jewel cases so I prefer digital music to reduce the clutter. So even if CD’s were less expensive, I doubt I’d purchase them more often.

7. What was your first music concert that you attended...how old were you and what impact did it have on you?

Though I’m sure that I went to a concert or two with my parents earlier in life, the one that I remember being my first on my own and of my own volition was The Spin Doctors, Soul Asylum and The Screaming Trees at the Gorge in George, Washington during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school. The Gorge is in the middle of Washington State, hundreds of miles from where we lived so it was also basically the first road trip that I ever took. It was an opportunity to go to a show, see the state and generally goof around on our own. We had a great time though it was also the first time that I realized that music in a large venue like The Gorge isn’t that great. From the distance that we were from the stage to the hours it took us to get out of the parking lot to the unbelievably bad show The Spin Doctors put on, the concert wasn’t worth the hype.

8. What has been your most recent music concert that you have attended....and did the experience have as much of an impact as your first concert?

The last concert that I attended was Ben Folds with the Seattle Symphony at Benaroya Hall in Seattle. Ben Folds is one of my favorite artists and hearing him backed up by a symphony was really incredible and reminded me how great live music can be. I think the experience had almost as much impact on me as the first concert that I attended but for very different reasons. The first concert I attended was less about the music than it was about the road trip and independence while this one was all about the music and listening to the music was what really impacted me. Despite the size of Benaroya Hall, it was very intimate and it was easy to make a connection with Ben and what he was singing. In fact, he has a song about his daughter that I’ve heard many, many times and never thought too much about but when he did it at the show and I really listened to the lyrics I started tearing up (I’m a relatively new dad to a daughter myself). Now I can barely listen to the song without getting all emotional.

P.S...We respond to other students answers and one of the other students answered that her first favorite band was NSYNC...at six years old! SIX YEARS OLD! NSYNC was popular when I first attended Bowling Green. I don't usually feel old at 32 - 32 isn't old at all - but her response made me feel incredibly ancient.

Happy Birthday Addie!

2010-01-31T22:32:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today the greatest thing ever happened to us....Addie May was born at 3:59 AM, February 1st, 2008. In that time we've lived in three different cities in three different houses and held five different jobs. We even elected the first African American president, believe it or not. But the one constant is the unbelievable cuteness and the incredible amount of fun we've had with Adelaide. So here's a slideshow for her birthday, one picture for each of the past 24 months...

Created with flickr slideshow.
Happy birthday Addie! We love you SO much!

SPOILERS Top Chef is Back! SPOILERS

2009-08-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like every season of Top Chef starts off with a sacrificial lamb. Someone that isn't who they say they are. Someone that is there so that a real chef doesn't end up looking bad by being the first one kicked off. Last season, that sacrificial lamb overachieved and lasted quite a few show (bad bangs Melissa).

But tonight, the neck tattoo and the gross stretched out ears of Jennifer Zavala made her make the most disgusting chile relleno I've ever seen with the worst choice of fillings and it was obvious that she made the right choice to not unpack. She probably made that choice because she was just some random cooking student they pulled in to take one for the team, and like a good trooper, she did just that. Good, because I couldn't take her ears and her neck tat for more than one episode.

As for the rest of the cast, nobody really jumped out at me as a favorite and I don't think I can make an early choice for winner. But I'll go ahead and make a choice right now and see what happens, so here goes. The winner of Top Chef Season 6 will be....Kevin Gillespie - the guy that won tonight.

As of episode 1, here are how my allegiances break out...

Like/Rooting For

Ron Duprat - Didn't like that he used his story so soon though
Robin Leventhal - She's a Seattle chef, always root for the local
Kevin Gillespie - I like his beard
Hector Santiago - I like the line "I cook with heart and cojones"
Ashley Merriman - Another local. Two Seattle cooks and only one New Yorker this season

Dislikes/Rooting Against

Preeti Mistry - That can't be her real name, right?
Michael Isabella - No surprise he's from Jersey.
Jesse Sandlin - Something about her flighty confessionals and she's a crier.
Eli Kirshtein - Came off as a young, pompous tool.

I had to pause the show for a second and it came at just the right time. Please to enjoy Padma Lakshmi's tongue...

You're welcome!

As for Top Chef Masters, I really enjoyed it. Sure it lacked the drama that makes Top Chef so good, but watching these amazing, seasoned professionals do their thing was fantastic. Hubert Keller, Michael Chiarello and Rick Bayless are my new heroes. Rick Bayless picked up a much deserved win and picked up a big fan as well. I really want to eat at Frontera Grill when I make it back to Chicago now and I've even started buying his salsa at the store (which have all been quite good so far).

The worst part of Top Chef? The rest of the programming on Bravo. I can't take these stupid, awful bitches on any of the Real Housewives shows. We both now turn away from the TV and plug our ears when they come on. And then to have them pop up and take over half the screen in the middle of a show is ridiculous. I want to watch Top Chef live, but these bitches might make me start waiting until the day after so I can speed through their skankiness.

As if Top Chef wasn't enough...PROJECT RUNWAY TOMORROW!!!

Dr Death? on Too Beautiful To Live

2009-07-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! I'm back....at least for one quick post. My online life is only a shell of what it used to be, for better or for worse, but this was so cool that I had to share.

The wife was on my favorite radio show, Too Beautiful To Live, on Thursday night and I think she did a great job. She said she was super nervous, but it doesn't sound much like it. Listen for yourself....enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

I'm not so sure about Sean propositioning my wife like that, though. I don't want to have to start a Scrappin' With Sean DeTore segment on my own. Though, if I did, perhaps I'd be as famous as Death?

A Snap Judgement Snap Judgement

2009-05-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

The Stranger, Seattle's alternative weekly, ran a photo on their cover this week of two security guards working on an open ATM at REI and wrote a story about Shane Becker, the self described vegan, straightedge, anarchist (sounds like a big ball of fun!) that took the picture, and how he was arrested by the Seattle Police Department after he refused to show his ID to the security guards when they confronted him about the picture.

The point of the article and the running it on the cover, I suppose, is about photographers rights and the arrest of someone that didn't do anything particularly wrong, and I get that. But does it deserve the front cover treatment? Does it even really merit a mention in even The Stranger? Is this really one of the most important stories of the week? Are there no other false imprisonment/police harrassment stories that merit our attention?

This story only exists and has only been given any merit because it happened to a white kid with an iPhone and a blog. A white kid with an iPhone and a blog that could've avoided all of this. But since he's a straightedge vegan anarchist, he just had to play his role and be uncooperative.

In the same way that the "fake cops" had their role to play, so did Becker. Both roles are wrong, both groups are at fault, neither should be praised. But by picking up this story and running with it in the way that they have, The Stranger has made Becker into the harmless photographer, the one who's rights were stepped on, the victim. When really the only victims in this case are people that are subject to police harassment or worse whose stories fall through the cracks while Becker and this ATM make the cover.

But that's Seattle and that's The Stranger. It's to be expected.

On a related note - Becker sells t-shirts with atheist and vegan slogans on them that I don't want to link to, but I do want to see if anybody can help me out with one of the designs. What in the world is this supposed to mean...

...because I'm completely stumped. I guess it's just a really stupid shot at athletes and sports? This coming from someone that was at REI purchasing a fancy bike rack for his car. Riding a bike is an athletic endeavor, FYI.

I would also like to take this opportunity to remind you that I am a flaming liberal even though this post comes off making me sound pretty conservative, I'll admit. I'm just sick of people that have a lot of power and influence in this life playing the oppressed. Being a white male in America sure is hard these days, isn't it? Makes it hard to enjoy our iPhones and blogs and our fancy bike racks.

Special Agent Oso Is Watching

2009-05-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a bit about Special Agent Oso ever since it debuted on Playhouse Disney recently. If you haven't seen it yet, well you probably don't have a toddler, so don't worry about it, you aren't missing much. Basically it's about a stuffed panda bear named Oso that helps kids with tasks like brushing their teeth or checking out a book from the library or finding their shoe in their dirty room. It's very colorful, it's got a catchy song, it's got pretty good intentions and it catches my daughter's attention, but there are still some things that bother me about it.

For one, I feel like it was developed by focus groups and committees. It liberally takes ideas from other successful kids shows and puts it all together into one package. A little bit of Spanish? Check. Talk to the audience? Check. Bad catch phrase? Check ("all part of the plan, more or less"). Merchandising friendly characters? They're supposed to be stuffed animals so, yeah, big time check - not to mention the merchandising potential for Paw Pilot, Oso's electronic helper thing or Numero Dos, the voice that comes out of his watch that seems to be his boss. Put all these elements together and it feels a little disingenuous to me.

One of the things that I was joking about today is how there are these little ladybug looking cameras that catch the kids having trouble with some task and send a signal to Special Agent Oso and how they seem very big brother-y. Sure, in the show they are being used for good, but what if they fell into the wrong hands? I mean, Special Agent Oso is about as "special" as it gets, it doesn't seem like it would be hard. But what actually kind of bothers me about them is that it portrays constant, secret surveillance as something positive to kids. I'm half joking about this and I'm sure that it wasn't their intention, but it does seem a little insidious.

But overall, I think Special Agent Oso has a good enough message that it trumps the committee feel and weird big brother issues. It teaches kids how to work through problems in a logical manner - three special steps is all it takes, apparently - and that isn't bad. But adults won't get much out of it if you have to watch it as well. It's not cloying or insulting like Barney or the Wiggles, but there isn't much for you here, though I'm surprised Disney's research didn't figure out a way to shoehorn something under the radar for adults in there.

Another 5th Grade Masterpiece: Fairytale Land

2009-05-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

I showed a very sophisticated outlook on popular culture at the time, didn't I? And I could really draw those titties...Yea-yeah!

Maru

2009-05-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Addie and I were on Cute Overload today and we ran across this awesome video...

Now, if you think that video is funny - and I most certainly do - imagine what a 15 month old would think of it. Actually, you don't have to imagine, I caught it on video...

This is kind of mild laughter since this is actually the third time she watched it. The first time she laughed so hard that she couldn't catch her breath which in turn made me laugh so hard I couldn't catch my breath which in turn made Death? laugh so hard she couldn't catch her breath. And the second time we watched it, she laughed even harder.

Death? reminded me of when Addie was about a month old and I was really frustrated because I couldn't get her to smile. I worked my butt off just trying to get something - I'd have taken a gas smile even - only to be met with a quizzical stare. Needless to say, my worry that she would be completely humorless is totally gone.

The New Down With Pants!

2009-05-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

If you didn't notice, there's a new look around these parts. It's not finished, I have a lot more to add and fiddle with, but I was anxious to get it up and going so here it is. What do you think?

We Got a Toddler On Our Hands

2009-04-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

Addie went from being a baby to a little girl overnight simply by starting to walk. Though she's 15 months and doesn't look very babyish anymore, I still thought of her as a baby because I had to carry her everywhere. It took her a while - she's got the family stubborn streak - but now she insists on walking everywhere all day until she tires herself out early. Don't get me wrong, I love it, I'm so excited for summer and chasing her around, but combine that with all the signing and talking she's doing and we've got ourselves a full fledged toddler. Baby time is over.

And we were skeptical about the benefits at first, but we are full-fledged evangelists of Baby Signing Time now. It has been a huge help to have Addie signing things that she wants. Big ones are "all done" and "eat" and "milk" and she loves to sign "dog". And not only has she learned signs, but I think it's also been huge in developing her vocabulary. We think she's saying about 25 words in context, maybe more. I don't know if that's good or not for her age, but it seems high compared to other kids I've met.

Of course, a healthy vocabulary has it's drawbacks. Yesterday she was toddling around our bedroom and found the book I'm reading, Drew Magary's "Men With Balls" on the nightstand...

...Of course, the word out of her mouth as soon as she saw the cover was "ball?" Yes honey, you're right, those are balls.

I guess it could be worst, at least she didn't say "testicle?", right?

Somewhat Related Aside (this time I'm not sorry, Kevin) - Yesterday I took over the Seattle Stay At Home Dads group on Meetup.com. So if you stumble upon here and are looking for other stay at home dads in the Seattle area, please sign up for our group and come out to some of our outings.

Plates and T-Shirts

2009-04-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

Back in August of 2005 I wrote a post about how sad I was to give up my Washington license plates in favor of California plates. Tonight I write a post about how sad I am to give up my California plates in favor of Washington plates.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have Mount Rainier back on my car, but there was something special about those California plates, something intangible that I lose with the Washington plates. Those California plates screamed "GREAT DRIVER COMING THROUGH! OUTTA MY WAY!" It was a form of identification that I was proud of, at least on my car.

Now there's nothing that separates me from the crappy driving Washington State herd other than my total badassness on the road.

Totally Unrelated Aside (Sorry Kevin) - If you have a second, go vote for my design for the TBTL t-shirt contest. They'll be giving the shirts out as part of a night out at the Seattle Mariner's game on May 21st, hence the simple baseball jersey design and number...

You can vote for it by clicking here and choosing #5 "Old School". Thanks!

Hi, My Name is Brandon, I Fucked Up Earth Day

2009-04-22T21:53:00.001-07:00

To celebrate Earth Day today, I took a 35 mile round trip drive to go for a four mile walk, forgot about a load of laundry in the washer that grew a little stench and had to be rewashed, left the kitchen and dining room lights on despite not being here and left a DVD running on a loop all day.

Suck on that Earth!

New EFUE Poster

2009-04-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

In our continuing effort for the upliftment of Edmonds at the Edmonds Foundation for the Upliftment of Edmonds (EFUE), we are proud to release our latest upliftment of Edmonds poster...

We don't know why, but we're really drawn to this one. We hope you'll be drawn here too.

My 5th Grade Masterpiece

2009-04-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Gee, hard to believe I didn't go into the fine arts. I wish I knew why I made his eyes so bloodshot. And based on the score, I think I watched this game this afternoon except it was the Yankees on the losing end of that one.

I Did It!

2009-04-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

Hooray for me! I made Lent my bitch this year and easily went without soda for even longer than the mandatory time. I started a whole week early, maybe even ten days - I can't totally remember - and I didn't really miss it all that much. There were occasional weak moments played out on Twitter, but in reality, my life without soda went pretty well.

I gave up soda for Lent a few years ago, as well, and I have never purchased a 12-pack since (except for one 12-pack of Jones Soda on a whim). Instead I switched to 2-Liters and my intake definitely went down. Now, my goal is to completely give up purchasing 2-Liters. I don't want to have any soda around the house. I'll still purchase a 1-Liter occasionally or have one at a restaurant, but I don't want it to be the main liquid that I ingest all day, which it has been for the past 15-20 years.

I also am giving up all sugary soda. Again, the occasional regular soda is OK - I love Mountain Dew and all of it's varieties too much to give it up completely - but I'll only drink it on special occasions, like yesterday when I had a Code Red Mountain Dew in celebration of my accomplishment and to celebrate the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

One thing that I have to thank for making Lent and my subsequent cutting back on soda possible is the Mr. Coffee 3-Qt Ice Tea Maker that I received as a birthday gift. When I worked for The Cobblee Spleen and Teal Lief we got all the free ice tea that we could drink and I drank as much as I could drink. But after I got RIFed, my ice tea consumption bottomed out mainly because I had the jankiest process for making ice tea. It involved multiple pans and a strainer and the threat of scalding my beautiful, dainty hands. But now, thanks to the Mr. Coffee 3-Qt Ice Tea Maker, making ice tea takes five minutes and I'm almost back to my Cobblee Spleen tea drinking levels.

Anyway, I did it, and I am patting myself on the back because that's what I do. And, I didn't get anything to endorse the Mr. Coffee 3-Qt Ice Tea Maker. I just really like it, that's why I sound like a commercial.

Lent - bow down before me!

A DWP! Tradition: The Easter Ham Story

2009-04-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the first Easter I spent in Bowling Green, Ohio. I never thought much of Easter as a holiday, we did the bunny stuff and had dinner, but we didn't go out of our way to celebrate. So when I spent a weekend on campus and there wasn't a soul anywhere in the entire town except my friend from San Diego (who was as shocked as I was), it was a big culture shock. I never knew that there really was something to Easter, some kind of tradition.

Well, here at Down With Pants!, we now have our own Easter tradition, one that would clear the campus on it's own as well. I present to you, The Easter Ham Story...

Ever wonder why everybody always eat ham on Easter? Well, I'm no biblical scholar, but here's how I understand the story goes...

When Jesus was resurrected he rose up from the tomb and found a big bunch of Jews hanging out, kicking it, having a picnic of bagels and lox and pastrami sandwiches and talking shit and high fiving about the crucifixtion a few days earlier.

Jesus, as you can imagine, was not pleased. In his deepest, darkest, foulest voice, he bellowed, "silly Jews, I am back. And guess what? We're eating pork, bitches!" And Jesus started flying through the air shooting whole hams from his hands like lightning bolts at all of the Jews.

Seeing this, the depressed and downtrodden Christians joined in and picked up all of the hams that Jesus shot and started chasing the Jews around and throwing the hams at them.

When the very last Jew was either chased off or knocked out by Jesus and his Christian ham throwing posse, Jesus took all of the hams and prepared a gigantic feast and proclaimed, "from this day forward, Christians shall eat the meat of the dirty swine just to piss off the Jews" and in honor of Jesus, his resurrection, and his freeing of the Christian world from Kosher dietary laws, Christians celebrate each Easter by eating ham just to rub it in the faces of the Jewish people.

And that, kids, is why everybody eats ham on Easter. It's also where the game of dodgeball was invented - Christian kids have been using that game to bully little Jewish kids for years - and it's also where the saying "when pigs fly" comes from, although the meaning of that saying got a little mixed up over the years.

But that's a whole nother biblical story that I'd love to share with you sometime very soon. Like I said, I'm no biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure I know how that story goes too.

Edmonds Foundation for the Upliftment of Edmonds

2009-04-09T23:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I lied. I didn't really get a job with the Edmonds Chamber of Commerce. Instead, I have founded the Edmonds Foundation for the Upliftment of Edmonds (EFUE). EFUE is devoted to the upliftment and embiggening of Edmonds. Phase one: tourism posters. Yep, we've got more...

We sincerely hope you'll come ride our ferries.

Wondering What I'm Doing?

2009-04-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

I got a job with the Edmonds Chamber of Commerce. I'm designing their new tourism posters. It's going great so far...

I think it's a pretty effective campaign.

Taking A Little Break

2009-04-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

Trying to recharge the old blogging battery. Just nothing coming to me lately. But I'm sure I'll be back very soon.

Calvin

2009-03-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking that it's been way too long since I saw Calvin Johnson wandering around Olympia in a pair of airport earmuffs. So to get my CJ fix, I had to hear Beat Happening's "Pine Box Derby"...

I miss the good old weird Olympia days. Not that I was ever really a part of them, but still.

And how about a little bonus Halo Benders "Don't Touch My Bikini"...

Boiiiiingggg!!!

Cut

2009-03-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

So I turned 32 years-old last week and I have to say that I had a great birthday week. But a couple of things also happened this week that really didn't make for such a happy birthday and have left me feeling old despite not really being old.

First off, my lower back has been really sore all week long. I think it's because I did a few new exercises on the Wii Fit that worked a few muscles that haven't been worked in a really long time. Whatever the cause, my back has been messed up, I walked around Seattle and Portland gingerly and I'm getting a little tired of smelling like Icy Hot all day. It felt a little bit better today but I've got a doctor's appointment on Thursday just in case it's not getting any better by then.

Secondly, I got cut from my soccer team. Yep, you read that right. I got cut from my 30-and-over, beginners division, rec-league soccer team. I got an email on Sunday from the captain saying that they had too many people on the team and that there wouldn't be a spot for me for the upcoming season. He said the players that he's keeping are all guys that are his neighbors or have connections to other guys on the team. And while that sounds good, I know it's not totally true. He was just being nice. I got let go because I'm not very good. If I were good, I'd still be on the team no matter my relationship with the guys, I'm sure.

In the past, something like this would make me stop playing. I've never been one to buckle down and rally when facing adversity. When I got cut from my baseball team in 7th grade (the only year they ever made cuts) I stopped playing baseball - I never played organized baseball again. When I turned 16 and I failed my driving test (guy said I made a California stop, which was bullshit since I had to wait for a ton of cars) I didn't even drive for another four or five months. When I got let go from the Richmond Roosters I stopped working in baseball.

But I really liked playing soccer despite not being very good. I was getting better every game and I want to continue to play especially since it feels like a sport that I could play for years and years to come. Plus, I'm a little pissed off. I think I'd like to play in the same league and try to make them pay for cutting me. So I have a couple feelers out and hopefully I'll land a team before the season starts next week.

Anyway, I guess I'm having a big ole pity party. 32 really isn't old by any means. I just felt really old all week. A bad back and getting the boot off a soccer team on my birthday sure doesn't make me feel young.

March Madness Recap

2009-03-22T22:45:00.001-07:00

All I wanted this weekend was for the Huskies and Zags to move on to the Sweet 16 and to get a picture with Western Kentucky's mascot Big Red...

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

By the way, ticket to the NCAA Tournament is the best birthday present ever. Thanks honey!

My March Madness Gets Even Madder

2009-03-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

Like I mentioned the other day, I have the March Madness. I have a serious, serious case of it, in fact, and today didn't help.

For my birthday (which is coming up on Wednesday by the way) Death? bought me a ticket to the NCAA basketball tournament in Portland. It seemed like there was probably a pretty good chance that my Washington Huskies would end up playing in Portland, but even if they didn't I was excited to go anyway. College basketball is my favorite sport and this is my Christmas, it's easily my favorite time of the year, so experiencing the tournament firsthand...for the first time...how could I pass that up even if my team might not be playing in Portland.

But oh, the basketball gods smiled on your boy Brandon tonight. Not only are the Huskies playing in Portland as a #4 seed against #13 Mississippi State (kind of a scary game though), they also put my other favorite team, the Gonzaga Bulldogs, in Portland as well (another #4 seed playing #13 Akron who beat my alma mater Bowling Green in the conference tourney).

So tickets that were selling for relatively low prices earlier this week when I got my ticket have already skyrocketed. The Rose Garden is going to be packed - Zags fans and Huskies fans travel really well, especially so close to home, and I am even more geeked about being a part of it. I can't wait to spend a few days in Portland and I'm praying for victories for my teams and hoping to get some upsets in the other games.

And if you want to join in with my madness, please join my DWP! Twitter Tourney Pool. All you have to do is click here. The password is downwithpants.

Commemorating FU & THNX CS&TL RIF

2009-03-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the nearly week long absence, I am in the throes of a sickness. Yep, I've got the March Madness. And it won't end until maybe April.

In all the basketball excitement, I forgot to commemorate the one year anniversary of me being laid-off from my last job. I haven't worked in a year now, though staying at home with Addie is as much a full-time job as any other one that I've had. I can't say that I miss working. I miss being around people, especially my friends at my last job, and the fun parts of work. But the tedium and the frustrations that go along with it - I don't miss those at all.

I hesitate to say this out loud and put it into the Googlable ether, but I'm not totally sure how I'm ever going to be able to go back to a conventional job. Being my own master has been AMAZING. I think it's going to have to come down to me opening my own business or working in a super small, untraditional kind of environment.

Don't ask me how I plan to hook that up or how I expect that all to happen, I truly don't have any idea right now.

DWP! Yelp Review: Wonder Pets Rescue Inc.

2009-03-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

If you are a baby skunk or a baby griffin or the itsy bitsy spider and you are in twouble, I can't recommend Wonder Pets Rescue Inc. any more highly. Linny, Tuck and Ming Ming too, they're the Wonder Pets - give them a call and they'll help you.

From the time that the phone, the phone is winging to when they show up in the Flyboat to try to get you unstuck from a rock or a bush or whatever happens to be holding you back, the Wonder Pets will work together to fix the problem. When life gives you a sewious situation, you need what's going to work - teamwork. What's going to work? Teamwork!

And the price for their services can't be beat. All they ask for in return is a little bit of celery. Heck, if you don't have any celery, usually they bring some of their own and they might even share it with you.

Oh Wonder Pets, Wonder Pets. They always find a way to help a baby animal and save they day. You know they're not too big, and they're not too tough, but when they work together they've got the right stuff.

GO WONDER PETS!

One star off for the goofing around that they do en route to save the baby animal. It must be torturous to sit there and watch the Wonder Pets sing and laugh and have a good time while you've got waves lapping up all around you threatening to take you off into the ocean. They always get the job done, but couldn't they do it a little more efficiently?

Verdict: Four Pants Down! (equals four stars)

Spring Is In The Air

2009-03-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

I know what I'm doing tomorrow...

Oh, what a way to start my sixth year of blogging.

Holy Crap - DWP! Turns Five Today!

2009-03-03T22:52:00.000-08:00

Holy crap everybody! Lost in my self-pity about my less than stellar blogging lately, I almost totally forgot that today is the five year Blogiversary of Down With Pants! That's right, it all started on March 3rd, 2004 and it's all gone downhill from there.

I just went through five years of posts really quickly and here is one from each year that I found that I'm kind of proud of or illustrates what I'm all about...

2004 - A Dirty Shame - October 1st
2005 - DWP! Suggestion Box Day 1: Dwarves - August 15th
2006 - The Lost Blogs - Day 1 - April 10th
2007 - My Saturday Morning TV is Skankier Than Yours - June 11th
2008 - The Boomer - January 11th

I plan on doing a contest this week - I really should reward all of you that have stuck with me through good times and bad - so stay tuned. I'll figure it out tomorrow.

But until then, thank you so much for reading Down With Pants! Going through all those posts really brings home how much blogging has meant to me over the last five years. It's really been the best hobby a boy could ask for and though I haven't met many of you face-to-face yet, I do feel a part of a community and like I've made some great friends doing this. Cheers to you and thanks again!

Go Cougs?

2009-03-02T22:04:00.000-08:00

On Saturday I caught the last few minutes of the Arizona State/Washington State basketball game. They finished regulation tied 43-43 and went to overtime. Wazzu was down 49-48 when senior Taylor Rochestie, playing the last home game of his career, hit a game winning three pointer with 2.3 seconds to play. When he hit the shot, I - a hardcore Washington Huskies fan - screamed at the top of my lungs and clapped my hands. It was a great shot and the celebration that followed was awesome to watch.

Minutes later, I texted my Cougar friend to see if he had watched it or had it on DVR...

DWP! - "Did you watch your Cougs?"

J-McG - "Man oh man. What a great game. It honestly brought tears to my eyes. Next week should be a good one for sure" (WSU plays the Huskies on Saturday)

DWP! - "I screamed when he hit that bucket, and when he celebrated with his moms, that got me too."

J-McG - "I knew you had a soft spot for the Cougs"

It's true, I do have a soft spot for the Cougs. Hell, I almost went to school there, in fact I was accepted twice but things just didn't work out. I root for them whenever they aren't playing the Huskies...or whenever they aren't playing someone else I root for.

Here's kind of how my rooting for the Cougs breaks down. I will root for the Cougars if they aren't playing one of these teams (in order of how I would root for them if they played each other)...

Washington Huskies
Bowling Green Falcons
Gonzaga Bulldogs
Cornell Big Red
North Thurston Rams
Evergreen Geoducks
Saint Martin's Saints
Ventura College Pirates
Green River CC Gators
Washington - Bothell or Tacoma campus intramural rec-league champions
UC Santa Barbara Gauchos
Seattle Pacific Falcons
Ithaca College Bombers
Edmonds CC Tritons
Linfield Wildcats
Western Washington Vikings
Central Washington Wildcats
Seattle University Redhawks
Earlham College Quakers
Cal State Northridge Matadors
Elmira College Soaring Eagles

So yeah, as you can see, I really have a soft spot for those Cougs.

Zirconium

2009-03-01T01:27:00.000-08:00

We just got home from seeing Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond tribute band. The show was great except for one unfortunate part...

It kind of got ugly, but we all cooled out and it turned out OK.

By the way, concerts anymore to me feel like the end of a soccer game. You're up 1-0 , you're out of breath, your legs are tired and you know that it must be getting close to the end and at that point all you want is for the game to end and you can all go home happy. But of course the game seems to go on FOREVER and FOREVER and all you can do is push on through and keep praying that you'll hear that whistle and they'll finally play "Sweet Caroline".

Album Cover Meme - The Ultimate Seduction

2009-02-26T23:30:00.001-08:00

Of all the memes going around Facebook right now, this is easily my favorite...

Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random... Read More” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
Go to "Random quotations" or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.
Post it to FB (or your blog) with this text.

I've actually done three of these album covers so far, though I've done all of them really quickly. I'm sure I could've done a lot more with them if I had a little more time, but this is what I came up with...

Morning Becomes Eclectic darlings Cañada del Hoyo and their Spanish/Japanese fusion album "The Problem is the Problem".

If Nation Brands Index's album "This Is The Ultimate" doesn't make KEXP's Top 90.3 of 2009, I'll shit myself.

Without question, this is "The Ultimate Seduction" in Grand Coulee, Saskatchewan. Easily my favorite of the three.

Jim Henson's Fantastic World

2009-02-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

I've always wondered if somewhere in Los Angeles there is a warehouse filled to the brim with all the stuff that Jim Henson produced over the years. It would probably be filled with some of the amazing pieces they created for Labyrinth, all of the Fraggles, the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal, hundreds of Muppets....etc. I dream about being set loose in that warehouse digging through boxes and bins discovering all the things that Henson did and the Jim Henson Company has been doing (for better of for worse) since his untimely passing in 1990 (wow, has it really been that long?).

Well, today I stumbled upon the news that there is a traveling Smithsonion exhibition called Jim Henson's Fantastic World that features over 100 pieces of art, storyboards, puppets, videos and photographs that will be at the Experience Music Project in Seattle, May 23rd to August 16th. I'm really excited to see this exhibition. I'm sure my curiosity and my dream to be set loose in the warehouse won't be totally fulfilled, but just to get an opportunity to see some of these pieces from one of my favorite artists will be wonderful. The exhibition is currently on display at the Orange County Regional History Center in Orlando, Florida until May 3rd.

And while doing some Googling about the Henson exhibition, I learned of the Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta, Georgia. The CPA already houses a few Henson items - Henson and Kermit actually cut the ribbon when the center opened in 1978 - including the aforementioned Skeksis. But what really caught my attention is that they are opening a new wing of the center devoted to Henson (links to a PDF). It's going to feature 500-700 retired Muppets, a ton of artwork, drawings and videos. It's not slated to open until 2012 though and because of our financial turmoil, I'm a little worried about it, but if it does open, I'll be making the trip to Atlanta to see it. It sounds like my kind of museum.

Addie and I watch Sesame Street almost everyday and not a day goes by that I don't think about all the great things that Jim Henson would probably still be producing if he were alive today. I think the world really misses his genius and it makes me sad that Addie won't get to grow up with Henson in the same way that I grew up with Henson. His creations live on, but they aren't even close to being the same without him.

Clap Happy

2009-02-24T23:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight we all watched Obama's ~~State of the Union speech~~ Congressional Address, including little Addie May.

Addie loves to clap now, especially when other people are clapping. And if there is one thing that the ~~State of the Union~~ Congressional Address is, it's definitely a festival of clapping. Good god, do our representatives love to throw some claps down. The applause is always off the charts at a State of the Union. So whenever Obama said something great and the place got all clap happy - and he said a lot of clap happy things tonight - Addie started pounding her little hands together like crazy.

Now, I know that if she were able to clap last year or the seven years prior, she probably would've been clapping no matter what sludge came out of George W. Bush's mouth. But to see her sitting there, watching Barack Obama give his first ~~State of the Union~~ Congressional Address, clapping along to universal health care or whatever, it made me very, very proud and very hopeful and very thankful that we finally have someone in office that I have no problem with my one year old daughter giving a round of applause to.

So thank you Barack Obama and thank you America for sparing me the absolute shame and horror that I would've felt had we been watching our little girl clapping along to George W. Bush or John McCain's State of the Union speech.

DWP! Review: Gallagher's Where-U-Brew

2009-02-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little lame, but I'm going to start cross posting my Yelp reviews on DWP! so that the material isn't just on the Yelp site. I might even migrate all my reviews over here eventually. I think I'm getting a little paranoid.

I'm not totally sure how all of the recipients felt about it, but I think the Christmas presents that I made at Gallagher's Where U Brew this year were some of the best presents that I've ever given away and I had a ton of fun brewing the beer - WAY better than shopping.

I chose to brew a beer that they had on tap that night called the Giant Octopus of Winter (why that name, I don't know). It was an IPA style with a hint of oranges in it. I know, oranges don't really scream winter ale, but it worked and it really hits the spot up against any of the other winter ales that I like to drink. I was really impressed with the flavor.

So they give you the recipe, show you were everything is, and let you go to it. They have all the equipment and all of the ingredients, you just have to supply the manpower. The guys are really nice and are easy to track down, most of the time. When it's really busy in there, they are sometimes hard to get a a hold of if you are confused by something, but the process is more or less straight forward and written out so it's really not that difficult.

Most people that come into Gallagher's come in a small group and that's definitely the way to go. Since I was giving away the beer to all of my friends, I ended up doing the brewing by myself. It was fine, and I socialized a bit with some of the other guys that were brewing, but next time I'll definitely bring at least one other person. Especially to the bottling. Two weeks after you brew, you go in and bottle and especially if you are by yourself, it's a really tough job. It took me over two hours to bottle 135 bottles of beer and by the end of it, I was beat. That is definitely a two or even three person job.

Like I said, I got 135 bottles of beer. I paid $155 for the brewing process and I had to purchase bottles, which was another $50 or so. One of the biggest tips I can give you to save money is to start saving all the non-twist top beer bottles that you drink.. Just rinse the bottle out with a little bit of soap and let it dry and store it somewhere until it's time to bottle your beer. They'll sanitize it for you and provide the caps.

They don't offer any kind of labeling, but all you have to do to add that professional touch to your beer is go to Staples or Office Depot and pick up some address labels, design yourself a label and slap it on there. It's not perfect - the labels aren't waterproof - but they looked great when given as a present and still look great after a month in the fridge.

I'll definitely be back to Gallagher's, in fact I could see this becoming a long time Christmas tradition. And since they have a handful of their tasty brews on tap, I'll probably stop in there between the holidays too.

Verdict: Five Pants Down! (equals five stars)

Gallagher's Where-U-Brew
120 5th Ave S
Edmonds, WA 98020
(425) 776-4209
www.whereubrew.com

Moral Kiosk

2009-02-16T23:59:00.000-08:00

Somebody went to Archie McPhee today and somebody LOVED it...and Addie had fun too.

Anyway, what's with Facebook and all the memes lately? I think non-bloggers and non-MySpacers have just discovered them. Anyway, I did one tonight just for the hell of it and so I can show off my kickass iPod...

1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

___________________________________

1. What the hell happened to question number one on the meme you copied?
"Marijuana" - Reverend Horton Heat [Oh...makes sense Courtney!]

2. What do your friends think of you?
"Hide Away Folk Family" - They Might Be Giants

3. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
"Already Too Late?" - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

4. How would you describe yourself?
"We Are Wild Stallions" - The Riot Before

5. What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Australia" - The Shins

6. How do you feel today?
"Friend is a Four Letter Word" - Cake

7. What is your life’s purpose?
"Jerry Falwell Destroyed Earth" - Ben Kweller

8. What is your motto?
"Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits" - Magnetic Fields [Perfect!]

9. What do you think about very often?
"Crash Course" - Crash Test Dummies [Yes, I have Crash Test Dummies on my iPod, deal with it Cate Blanchett]

10. What is 2 + 2?
"Come Undone" - Duran Duran

11. What do you think of your best friend?
"OK With My Decay" - Grandaddy

12. What do you think of the person you like?
"Elevation" - Television [Yes!]

13. What is your life story?
"Space Oddity" David Bowie [If only I were that androgynous]

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)" - Avenue Q

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"That's Amore" - John C. Reilly [We are married after all]

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Dusseldorf" - Regina Spektor [If we ever renew our vows, maybe]

17. What will they play at your funeral?
"Commotion" - Credence Clearwater Revival [Fuck yeah, Credence!]

18. What is your hobby/interest?
"Square One Here I Come" - The Hives

19. What is your biggest fear?
"It Hasn't Happened Yet" - William Shatner

20. What is your biggest secret?
"Time For Livin" - Beastie Boys

21. What do you think of your friends?
"Hang On To Your Ego" - Beach Boys [fucking stuck up friends!]

22. What will you post this as?
"Moral Kiosk" - REM

Editing For TV Fail

2009-02-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

Noticed this while watching Idiocracy on Comedy Central tonight...

At first, the restaurant Butt:Fuckers is edited for TV.

Then, seconds later, there is Butt:Fuckers in all of it's glory.

I think Comedy Central has Frito working in standards and practices.

Some Valentine's Day in Seattle Suggestions

2009-02-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

First of all, thank you for bearing with me while I took a short break from blogging. Don't know why, but it just wasn't working this week. I'm not totally sure if it is working now, but at least I'm writing a post.

Tonight the wife and I celebrated Valentine's Day a day early. I got her flowers, cards from me and Addie, tickets to see Super Diamond - a Neil Diamond tribute band - later this month when we'll really do Valentine's Day right (you know, a night out without the baby), and I made a nice dinner. I even went out and bought Tropic Thunder but didn't end up watching it. It was a very good V-Day considering we had our little girl here and it came a day early since Death? has to work all weekend and I'm going to Olympia tomorrow.

It got me to thinking about some of our other Valentine's Day dates. We're not one for the traditional so no super fancy dinners or anything like that. Usually it consists of staying home and either cooking or getting take-out and watching movies. Let's be honest, lots of times those are the best dates.

But when we lived in Seattle a few years ago, we had three really memorable going out dates that I would like to share and offer as suggestions for you Seattlites that may not know what to do tomorrow...

Ethiopian Food - Our very first Ethiopian food experience came on Valentine's Day. I can't remember the name of the restaurant but it appears that it no longer exists or has been replaced by Awash, another Ethiopian restaurant (I know Awash wasn't the places name). I can't really explain why Ethiopian food is good for Valentine's Day, I just know that it is. It has something to do with eating with your hands and sharing plates and all of the wonderful vegetables and exotic flavors. It just works. I haven't had Ethiopian food since we've come back to Seattle, so I can't recommend a place, but there are plenty to choose from and most of them seem to have a four star rating on Yelp.

Hot Pot - One year we went to Seven Stars Pepper and had a big old bubbling vat of soup called Hot Pot. They bring you out this crazy broth to your table top stove, they then bring you uncooked meats and vegetables and fish and, really, whatever you want and you sit there and cook all the meats and veggies in the broth. It's delicous and fun and for someone that's never had hot pot or, in the same vain, Korean BBQ, it's can be quite the experience. Again, it all comes down to the exotic flavors and adventurous cuisine and the sharing that make a hot pot at Seven Stars Pepper a really great Valentine's Day meal.

Kenyon Hall - Formerly Hokum Hall, this West Seattle gem of a theater keeps Vaudeville alive and well. I can't figure out whether or not they have a Valentine's Day show tomorrow, but the year that we went for V-Day was great. It was old timey songs and skits all about love, lots of them very funny - plenty of Tom Lehrer songs - and lots of them very sweet. They have a beautiful circa-1929 Wurlitzer organ that is masterfully played by theater manager Lou Magor, who also does a lot of the singing. If they do have a V-Day show - which it doesn't look like unfortunately, I highly recommend checking it out. I highly recommend checking it out some other day as well.

And if all else fails, just rent a movie and watch it at home. If I may, can I suggest Secretary?

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Fish & Street Meat

2009-02-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

I love Vancouver! This is the view from our hotel room. We 're right downtown within walking distance to nearly everything and although the room is a little out of date, it's still nice enough for us and there is tons of room for Addie to crawl around and you can't beat it for the price.

Our first stop of the day was the Vancouver Aquarium in Stanley Park. It's easily one our favorite aquariums that we've ever visited. It's maybe not as big as the Boston Aquarium or has as many touch tanks as the aquarium in Long Beach, but the Beluga Whales, the dolphins and the above Amazon exhibit make up for what it's missing. The fish in the picture above are HUGE. Addie loved these things despite absolutely dwarfing her and looking like dinosaurs.

She also loved the Harbor Seals. They are very much like puppies of the sea. I love them too.

Then our foodie tour of Vancouver began. It started down near Granville Island with a stop at Go Fish Ocean Emporium. This little tiny shack with a handful of seats makes the best fish-n-chips. And the fish tacones - basically big old super delicious fish tacos - are arguably the best fish tacos that I've found since moving from SoCal and they even rivaled those in flavor. The fish was so fresh...

...as it should be considering that when you turn around, there is most likely the boats that caught it. Even Addie loved it. She ate her first fish, a little bit of halibut and a little bit of salmon.

We then went shopping at the amazing Granville Public Market where Death? bought a bunch of cheese and salami from her favorite cheese and meat stand, Oyama Sausage Company. We also had the greatest piece of chocolate ever from Rogers' Chocolates. I think I would kill for another Ice Wine Truffle right now.

Later, we ended up getting some street meat for dinner. But this is no average hot dog stand. No, this is Japa Dog...

Japanese style hot dogs with things like teriyaki sauce, miso, nori, radishes, diakon sprouts, fish flakes, black hog sausage...it was all so good. We had to get one of all the specialties even though it was a lot of food.

So there you have it, our first day in Vancouver. We've barely even scratched the surface of this town yet, luckily we have been here a lot in the past so we don't need to see everything and we have to take it easy because of Addie. If tomorrow is nice we're going to bike around Stanley Park before heading to the Canucks game.

Did I mention I love Vancouver?

In Vancouver

2009-02-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

"O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

I'm going to say it...that song kicks the Star Spangled Banner's ass! Boom, roasted!

Yes, we're in Vancouver for the weekend. I normally would say there won't be any blogging here for a while, but for the first time ever, I've taken my laptop on a trip and after paying $9 Canadian a night for wifi, here I am. I'm totally cool with that, I've already Yelped a ton of places in which we could eat and since we now have a small child that kind of requires an 8:00 PM bedtime, we'll be in our hotel room a lot more than we used to be.

So what I'm trying to say is, I might blog a little while I'm here...if you're lucky (Ha! Who am I kidding with that line?).

Northwest University vs. The Evergreen State College

2009-02-03T23:17:00.000-08:00

I know that there are some people that find this to be the lowest form of blogging, but I really want to try to start documenting my day more with my posts, not necessarily for you the reader, but more for me as part of my own personal diary I suppose. It's going to be more about documenting events or places I went to than anything. It may not make for the best blog, but it'll keep me more interested and give me lots more to write about on a day-to-day basis. Anyway, here's more or less the first one...

Tonight I traveled to ~~Southern California~~ Kirkland, Washington - where I was nearly run off the road by a guy in a BMW and minutes later by one in a hulking SUV of some kind - to see the uber-Christian Northwest University Eagles take on my hometown uber-liberal The Evergreen State College Geoducks in basketball. NAIA Division II basketball....Catch the Fever!

The Pavilion at Northwest University has to be the smallest venue I've ever seen a college basketball game in. Only South Puget Sound Community College can rival the itty-bittiness of this gymnasium. It only has six rows of seats on each side and without any room on the baseline, one bad foul on a layup and you could end up sprawled out halfway up the gym wall. Of course that means that it's easy to fill up and on this night I'd say that 500 of the 550 seats in the place were full. And with nowhere for the sound to go, it got loud in there at the end.

That's Evergreen head coach Jeff Drinkwine trying to get his players to get in the game. The Geoducks came into the game at 10-4 in conference and 14-7 overall but were given a very strong test from 11-12 Northwest. League leading scorer Nate Menafee scored 23 points, but they were kind of silent because Northwest's Marcus Wright blanketed him all night long, hardly letting him breath. I was impressed with his defense and I was surprised to see that Menafee ended up with 23. He made the most out of all of his shots.

The Eagles took the lead with 30 seconds left before Evergreen's Julio Feliciano put in an easy layup with only ten seconds to play. Northwest had a good look at the bucket in the final seconds, but fell short and Evergreen came out on top 89-88. It was a great, fast paced, hard fought, emotional game by both teams.

However, the Northwest University students took it a little too far by basically challenging the guy that was sitting next to me - who admittedly was taunting after the buzzer - to a fight. Ummm...NU is a hardcore Christian college - lots of ministerial training going on there - perhaps they should look at their wristbands and ask themselves, WWJD? Punch a Greener because he had the gall to tell you it would be a long walk home? I think not.

On a lighter note, I am so jealous that I can not pull off the spiderweb haircut.

Happy Birthday Adelaide!

2009-02-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

Happy belated birthday Adelaide! Yesterday was Addie's first birthday, I can't believe it.

This has been an awesome year. Being a daddy is even better than I ever expected it to be and being a stay-at-home dad for the majority of that time has been super rewarding. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have a blast with her every day and I'm so excited for another great year in which she'll start walking and talking and growing and all of that good stuff.

Yeah, she had a little too much cake and ice cream.

Blog Culture Box: Puppy Bowl Edition

2009-01-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

If it's hard to read, click image to bigify.

Who cares about the Super Bowl, it's Puppy Bowl time! Thanks to Catherine, NYCWD, Becky and Shiny for their great answers.

If you'd like to join in, please feel free to answer these questions (and yes, this week they are questions) in the comments...

Super Bowl, Lingerie Bowl or Puppy Bowl?
If you were a puppy, what kind of puppy would you be?
What should the Obama's name their puppy?
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

The Blog Culture Box will be back in two weeks. If you haven't participated before and would like to, please let me know.

Keyboarding and Driver's Ed

2009-01-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

Personally I think this is kind of a sad commentary on both my education and the state of schools in general, but there are only two classes from high school that the information taught to me there I still use on a day-to-day basis. Sure some other classes contributed to my knowledge, but two classes stand out in my mind as being very important to me now. Those two classes: Driver's Education and Keyboarding.

How many people had Driver's Ed in their school? I rarely find anybody outside of the North Thurston School District that learned how to drive from their high school. Our Driver's Ed was taught by two sports coaches: Mr. Mendleson and Mr. Dunn - both total a-holes, but not terrible Driver's Ed teachers.

I remember Mr. Dunn getting unbelievably frustrated with me when I couldn't figure out passing - it took me like five tries to get checking my blind spot when I move back over into the correct lane. I also backed into a rock the very first time I ever got behind a wheel when Mr. Dunn had us back around a corner on the very first day - he was not happy. Surprisingly, those two a-holes helped shape a, I'd like to consider, better than average driver and I still remember a lot of the obscure rules of the road that they drilled into our head and use them quite often.

Keyboarding was a required class at North Thurston, unless you were smart and went into AP classes or were in music, and I contend that it was the single most important class that I took in all of high school, and I knew it would be. I was a choir-nerd, I could've gotten out of it, but I wanted to learn how to type and it's served me well over the years. What you are reading now is all typed without looking at the keyboard one bit and in near perfect form all thanks to one of the most mindless classes there ever was.

Death? never took keyboarding and it has come around to haunt her. One of her biggest frustrations with work is not being able to fly through the typing of notes and reports and whatnot. Now she really wants to learn how to type correctly. I suppose I'll have to teach her (in combination with online tutorials). I don't mind, I really do think that Keyboarding is super important and I wouldn't pass up my high school training in it for any other class.

What about you? Were there any classes from high school that you took that stand out as being important in the long run?

Hot Cheetos Phantom: A Letter to TBTL

2009-01-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've officially crossed over into uber-fandom or ten-ness...I wrote a letter to Jen Andrews, producer of Too Beautiful To Live - my favorite radio program - to relay a little coincidence (or not) that happened to me the other day. I am a nerd. Also, you should get the Hot Cheetos ringtone or any of the other TBTL ringtones.

Hey Jen,

Just wanted to thank you guys for playing a part in freaking me out a little bit the other day.

I was listening to the show on Wednesday night (I'm usually a time bandit, but was driving back to Seattle from Olympia and listening live) and when you played the Hot Cheetos song (note: a listener submitted song inspired by the audio clip the ringtone is from), at the very same moment my phone started ringing, blasting the Hot Cheetos ringtone. At first, I thought it might be part of the song, but nope, it was my phone telling me all about the Hot Cheetos. When I picked up the phone and tried to answer it, the caller had already hung up...but I never got a missed call notice or a voicemail or anything.

Was it a Hot Cheetos phantom triggered by that song or just a coincidence? I like to believe in the phantom nature of the Hot Cheetos, myself.

Freaked out-edly yours,

Of the Edmonds tens

Winner Winner Pepsi Dinner

2009-01-21T23:36:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Anthony for taking home the Super Bowl prize pack from Pepsi. Mike Singletary intimidated me into picking his name out of my hat.

No Top Chef recap tonight despite tons and tons to write about since it was muthafucking Restaurant Wars! The wife had to work and didn't get to see it yet and if she were to accidentally read spoilers on my blog, there would be hell to pay.

What a Day, Huh?

2009-01-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

Well, that was something else, wasn't it? What a day. I really have no words to describe what happened today and I really don't think it needs any. Once I found out it was pundit-less, I watched C-SPAN so I could just let the pictures and words of the participants move me, and that they did. No punditry needed, no analysis necessary, no explanation needed. Just history.

My favorite part of the inauguration was Rev. Joseph Lowery's Benediction...

I'm not religious at all, but even I was yelling AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

How To Cook A Wolf

2009-01-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about having a kid and not going out on dates as often as we used to is being able to go to nicer places than before. Our one date usually equals the four we would've gone on two years ago. So that's why we ended up at How To Cook A Wolf before we went to the Seattle Rep for a play on Saturday night.

We got there at about 5:15 and were informed that it would be an hour and a half for a table but could be seated immediately at the bar - so at the bar we sat. It's a very comfortable place to sit, unlike most bars, and watching all the action in their little tiny kitchen is interesting. We were very impressed with how they use their available space. The kitchen is probably smaller than our kitchen, and we don't have a big kitchen by any means. They really get the maximum out of the square footage that they have.

I expected How To Cook A Wolf to be much more trendy and uncomfortable and pretentious than it was. It was actually kind of cool and laid back, service was friendly and helpful and everybody seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves. Perhaps it's pretentious for Seattle standards, but I just spent three years in the Los Angeles area - I know pretentious when I see it.

On to the food. Plates were bigger and more substantial than I was expecting, but overall it was kind of a mixed bag...

Bread - Great bread from Columbia City Bakery, served with olive oil and some olives. I don't like olives, but Death? was really into them.

Buffalo mozzarella with shaved fennel, green apples and red onion - The cheese was great with the fennel and green apples but the red onion and parsley were a little off-putting.

Seared scallops - Scallops were perfectly cooked and tasty. Too bad there were only three of them ($6 per scallop) and the sauce that they were in tasted like ranch dressing and not even good ranch dressing - like Hidden Valley light ranch or even fat free.

Frissee salad with oil poached tuna - Tuna was great but overall the salad was all over the place. The red onions in the mix were unbelievably overpowering. One bite that included red onion got up into my nose like horseradish does and I had to take a minute to let it clear. The onion stayed with both of us and we were tasting it throughout the play. A Coke at intermission was the only thing that helped kill the flavor.

Cavatelli - Absolutely delicious. Perfect pasta with hedgehog mushrooms, cheese and cream sauce. The highlight of the night.

Gnocchi - Not really gnocchi, made from semolina, they were more like polenta cakes than anything. Covered with a little bit of cheese and butter, they were delicious. Perfectly creamy - almost like a fried piece of cheese. We ordered the gnocchi after finishing everything else and deciding we wanted one more thing. It took almost half an hour to come out and we were sweating getting to our play on time, but the waiter did give us a free half glass of wine each to make up for it and since we'd gone dry that perfectly complemented the dish.

Booze - Both of the wines Death? got were great and the oatmeal stout beer that I drank was delicious.

My biggest problem with the meal is that there was nothing mind blowing. In fact, I'm no cook, but quite honestly, I think that I could make reasonable facsimiles of those dishes at home. The buffalo mozzarella was just a hunk of cheese with some sliced stuff. The pasta, while very good, wasn't very complex. The scallops - well, I'm bad at cooking scallops, but I have some Hidden Valley Ranch in the fridge right now.

That being said, we didn't feel ripped off by the meal and we weren't upset about it any way. In fact, we really enjoyed ourselves at How To Cook A Wolf. I just doubt that we'll be back or if I would really recommend it to others.

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

2009-01-15T11:51:00.000-08:00

Right away, Hosea is wearing an I (Heart) Padma t-shirt and as soon as it comes on, a little advertisement flies across the screen to get your own I (Heart) Padma t-shirt at the Bravo website. Ugh. I also found a Team Rainbow t-shirt over there. Double-Ugh.

How many of us hours before this episode aired had something made from a can or package for dinner? Look, I know they aren't quality ingredients, but to just be outraged in the way that these "chefs" were when the challenge was revealed was ridiculous. For me, if I were on there, the random crazy challenges would be the most fun. Just doing haute cuisine every time would be boring as a competitor, don't you think?

Anyway, was it just me or was this the most boring episode of the entire season so far? Hung added nothing, the supposed drama wasn't very interesting, the upper-class white folks posing as farmers were off-putting and Toby Young's zingers were just stupid. The only remotely interesting part was Arianne getting the boot.

I think that Arianne probably deserved to go based on this meal alone - though Radhika and the dead-to-me lovebirds all could easily have gone because of their lack of effort, but I would still eat any meat dish that Arianne made over all of the others. Except for that lamb, every piece of meat that she cooked over the course of the show was cooked perfectly. I want her to make my turkey, cook my steak, lamb chops...whatever.

Blog Culture Box: 2009 Predictions Edition

2009-01-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

If it's hard to read, click box to bigify

Big thanks to Replicant, Ginger, Anthony and Pixie for taking part in the first Blog Culture Box of the new year.

If you are wondering about the color, I totally didn't know what color to use for 2009 predictions, so since Pixie was reminding me of Bowling Green State University - my kind of alma mater (no degree) - on Twitter earlier, I had the brown and orange on my mind. Oh yeah, the beautiful brown and orange of BGSU. Roll along BG warriors.

Anyway, if you would like to join in, please feel free to answer the questions in the comments...

After leaving office, George W. Bush will...
Who will make the biggest comeback of 2009?
In 2009, I will...
Down With Pants! biggest contribution to society in 2009 will be...

The BCB will be back in two weeks.

Baby Dreams

2009-01-13T23:07:00.000-08:00

Since Addie was born, I've been thinking about baby dreams. Don't you think that the dreams that babies have must be totally and completely crazy? They don't have language, they don't really know what the things they see everyday are or what is real and what isn't real and they have no idea of narratives and whatnot. They must just be jumbles of images all mixed up together.

Example: yesterday we went to the zoo and Addie was totally taken with the gorillas and the Willawong Station - which is one of those walk-in bird cages where the lorikeets and other tropical birds fly around and land on you and eat feed sticks that you offer them. Combine those two things - baby gorillas and thousands of birds flying around - with her favorite commercials on TV - the Lectric Shave commercial where the guys face is on his whiskers and those NoStankYou.com commercials - and her dreams have to be super trippy.

Those things mess up my dreams sometimes and I totally understand them. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have those floating around in your head without any way to tie them together.

Shameless Commerce: It's a DWP! Giveaway!

2009-01-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

I am happy to announce the very first real Down With Pants! contest/giveaway. I've got the "Ultimate Super Bowl Party Pack" from our good friends at Pepsi to give away - Pepsi, the choice of a new generation of pantsless pop drinkers. If you win, you get all this...

That's a football, a snack helmet, a beverage pail, two hats, two t-shirts, two keychains, five Pepsi 24 pack coupons and five Frito-Lay coupons.

And all you have to do is just leave me a comment telling me who your favorite NFL football player of all-time is. You have to name an NFL football player to be eligible. I'll pick the names out of a hat on Wednesday, January 21st so you can get your prize pack before the big game.

UPDATE - And make sure that there is some way in your comment to contact you. Either it goes to your blog with a email address posted there or you are on my Twitter or whatever. But a link to a profile that is private won't work especially if I don't totally know who you are.

Sicko

2009-01-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

Addie was sick for the very first time today. She was running a fever and had a runny nose and a little bit of a cough. You know, a basic, normal cold. But we're very lucky to have such a great baby - instead of being a little pain like I had anticipated (the day started off with much crying), she calmed down and she got all cuddly and sweet and we basically had a nice day of sitting around, watching college basketball, napping and generally taking it easy. She had her moments of fussiness, but overall, it was almost kind of nice to just have her sitting on my lap all day.

Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

2009-01-07T23:24:00.000-08:00

Despite being excited for the return of Top Chef from what seemed like an unbelievably long hiatus, I was half-asleep during the episode so some of the thoughts I had during the show have already escaped me - I need to start taking some notes.

By the way...did I mention that this post is sponsored by Diet Dr. Pepper? This is the Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap - the Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap that tastes more like Regular Dr Pepper. Diet Dr. Pepper and Down With Pants!...There's nothing diet about it!

First of all, did anyone else think that it looked like a lot of people got into fights? Everybody looked bruised and battered. Fisticuffs may have broken out in the house and we were not informed. What gives?

So Radhika wins immunity in the Diet Dr. Pepper Quickfire Challenge by making bread pudding, which isn't Indian, so I find it odd that we didn't hear about how she doesn't want be to be known as the one that makes Indian food. Usually, we hear her say that she doesn't want to be known as the one that makes Indian food...and then she goes off and makes Indian food. It's like clockwork.

Hold on for one second...**click, fizz**....Mmmm, Diet Dr. Pepper. It's like there's a chocolate cake in my mouth but without the chocolate cake. Now, let's return to the Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap.

Following the Diet Dr. Pepper Quickfire Challenge, Tom tells them to make to make one kickass family style dish. My first thought when I heard that of course was fish tacos! I mean, it had to have been yours too, right? Any rational person with bangs that cover their eyes and no clue how to cook would automatically pick fish tacos - that's why I did.

Mmmm...did I mention how much Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like regular Dr. Pepper?

So predictably, Bangs - the non-chef that the producers set up to get kicked off first (my theory) but then got lucky for a few weeks - finally got the boot. And Eugene, oh Eugene, oh Diet Dr. Pepper Eugene, also got sent packing - which was also easily predictable not only because of his bad food but because they showed him talking to his family. That's the Diet Dr. Pepper kiss of death.

Wii!

2009-01-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

My blogging career is being threatened my friends. Just a few weeks away from my five year blogiversary, I'm in trouble. For I got a Wii for Christmas and Mario Kart is seriously taking up a lot of my very precious time.

Sadly though, I still suck at video games. I was once good...no great...like Fred Savage great. But that was in the days of the Nintendo and Super Nintendo - I could lick any of you in a game of Super Tecmo Bowl - after that though, I fell apart. In college we would have days long marathons of Bond and college football and I would always be the whooping boy. The more complicated and button heavy the games got, the more I totally sucked it up.

Anyway, if you want to beat up on a crummy video game player in Mario Kart, Tiger Woods Golf, NHL Hockey or some baseball game I haven't played yet - those are the games that I have other than Wii Sports - let me know.

Blog Culture Box Update - I've decided to make the Blog Culture Box a bi-weekly feature here at Down With Pants! Look for it next week. In the meantime, if you'd like to participate, let me know. I'm taking any and all, even if you've participated in the past.

Snowy Soccer Monday

2009-01-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

My feet still feel a little bit frozen after tonight's 2009 soccer season opener played at Lynnwood High School on a field still covered by an inch of snow from last night's freak snowstorm. My toes were so numb from the slush that whenever my feet hit the ground, it felt like I had peg legs, the only sensation of running coming from what my body felt in my ankles.

That being said, I didn't sweat one bit - it was so cold that even though I was working hard my body was trying to heat itself up and not cool itself down - and for whatever reason I never really ran out of breath. I felt pretty good out there even if I didn't really do much. Whether it's a conscious decision or not on the part of my teammates, they keep the ball as far away from me as possible, or so it seems. It's probably just me not being where I should be to get the ball that is the problem. Either way, I kind of just run around and occasionally kick the ball or take a shot off the butt or whatever is needed out of this anonymous soccer player.

I did actually take a shot tonight and I was within a inch of scoring my first competitive soccer goal. If the ball would've ricocheted off of my knee just a little bit differently or I would've caught it an inch to the side, I'd be celebrating like it's 1999. Instead, it missed by about a half a foot and went into the side of the goal. Oh well.

I've said this before and it hasn't happened yet, but I do feel a goal coming some point soon. It's going to be an accident, some crazy ricochet off of my foot that I didn't intend or a broken play of some kind, but it's going to happen. For this to happen though, I need to touch the ball more than a couple times in a game, we'll have to work on that next week.

By the way, I was thinking about how unique it is for us to be playing soccer in the snow. In cold climates like the Northeast and the Midwest where snow and freezing temperatures are the norm, they don't have outdoor soccer leagues in the winter - which makes complete sense. In California - where I first started playing soccer - if it rained even just a little bit earlier in the day, there was a good chance that soccer would be canceled due to weather. So to be in a place that plays soccer in any and all conditions is pretty interesting. The way this year has gone, who knows what kind of crud we'll have to deal with in the nine weeks. Would we play in a swarm of locusts or if frogs fell from the sky? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

DWP! Year In Review - September to December

2009-01-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

September

We Penis Things That Need To Be Penised - "I believe that as hard as it will be, the penis we need is coming."
The Not So Beautiful Game - I started playing soccer for the first time ever.
Tacoma For Dummies - This sign will lead you to Tacoma Domes...

October

Southern California Edison Is Fucking With Me - "Southern California Edison loses $1.46. Yeah, suck on that."
The Sad Life of a Seattle Mariners Fan - The World Series put me in a bad mood about being a Mariners fan.
Blog Culture Box - Though I've slacked off on it recently, I debuted my favorite new feature of Down With Pants!
A Passive Aggressive PSA from Down With Pants! - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

November

Lemonade - We make gravy out of a bad situation
The Fatty and Four Eyes Sports Report - I started yet another blog.
We're Ready For The Apple Cup - Go Huskies?

December

It's An Edmonds Kind of T-Shirt - I started my own t-shirt line.
Top Chef Recap - "Titacular"
I'm Over The Snow - The snow can blow me. There, I said it.

DWP! Year In Review - May to August

2008-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

May

You Dropped Something! - "That's right bitch, I caught you littering!"
I unleashed some hate on The Eagles, The Doors and Led Zeppelin.
My Top 25 Favorite Albums - Here, here and here
Lebowski Friday - Achievers Everywhere
Rock Bottom of the Bowl Blues - "My name is Brandon, I'm a cerealaholic, I need help and I'm hungry.

June

That's The Penis We Need - "I'll reach out my hand to anyone, Republican or Democrat, who will help me penis what needs to be penised."
Hey look...I have hair on my nose...

Teatro - This is my favorite post that I ever wrote that didn't get any comments.
I moved...posts about moving here, here and here.

July

Mantastic Coffee - "if you were to open an espresso stand and staff it with a bunch of hot, charming, gay men wearing nothing but a Speedo or some hot pants, OH MY GOD, the old ladies would sign over their social security checks on a daily basis."
They Just Needed To Sleep It Off - My favorite criminals of the year.
You Know You Live In Edmonds When... - "But I never did understand why the Norfolk Daily News headline the next morning read 'Bourbon Brandon's Police Car Joyride Ends At Town Square'."

August

The Old Alien Ant Farm Video Switcheroo - Poor Alien Ant Farm and their shitty video.

Tomorrow, the rest of the year.

Down With Pants! Year In Review - January to April

2008-12-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

It's been an unbelievable year here at the worldwide Down With Pants! headquarters. I don't know how to wrap it up other than to take a look back...

January

The Boomer - "Whell......Ah don't go dere to find out that the man is an ass-HOLE. Ah go there... fortheCHICKEN!"
Jawas invade Ventura? -

My Last Non-Daddy DWP! Blog Post - "I'm really, really excited. I just cleaned the entire house not only because the parents are coming, but because I don't want our baby to come home to squalor. Since this is a little sudden and early, I had nothing ready. Yes, I began nesting at around noon today. The daddy hormones are off the charts."

February

Welcome Home Addie! - And life as I knew it would never be the same, and I didn't care.

Brooks. Best Meal Ever? - "Best restaurant between Los Angeles and San Francisco? Maybe. Best restaurant between Tijuana and Vancouver? But seriously, I don't want to over hype it."

March

FU & THNX CS&TL RIF - I got RIF'd and it turned out that they did me a favor. Thanks again Coffee Bean!
I Heart Daddy - So I poop all over him!
The Easter Ham Story - "Jesus, as you can imagine, was not pleased. In his deepest, darkest, foulest voice, he bellowed, "silly Jews, I am back. And guess what? We're eating pork, bitches!" And Jesus started flying through the air shooting whole hams from his hands like lightning bolts at all of the Jews."

April

Mr. Mom Day One Recap - I became a SAHD in April and Day One was pretty eventful.
Jesus, Brandon and Joseph - The epic post in which I tie a knock-off Chocolate Lucky Charms to The Last Temptation of Christ.
Drum Solo! - I miss this shrub...

My Thighs! My Thighs! - Who knew that a post about Pauly Bleeker and thigh friction would become one of my most Googled posts?
Dear Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA - Easily the highlight of my blogging year. Check out the last comment on this post. I have it on good authority that it's legit.

Tomorrow, May through August

Merry Christmas Everybody!

2008-12-25T00:51:00.000-08:00

I'm Over The Snow

2008-12-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

The above picture by fuzzirella (stolen from Flickr) just about sums up my feelings on Snowmagedden 2008. It was pretty for a little bit and I'll admit that taking the body board and sledding down the hill in front of our house was pretty fun, but I haven't left downtown Edmonds since last Monday and it's starting to drive me crazy. Luckily we have a supermarket and restaurants and shopping within a couple blocks so I'm not completely cutoff from the outside world, although the stroller didn't make it out of the driveway today so going out with Addie didn't happen.

We've got seven inches on the ground, and though that doesn't sound like much to many people, you wouldn't believe how it shuts down an entire region when we aren't equipped for this kind of weather. Major roads are starting to get cleared off, but many of the side streets are still so bad that chains are required for anything less than 4WD. We're supposed to go to Olympia tomorrow night for Christmas but my parents have 18 inches on the ground and their driveway (it's up a hill and into the woods) was impassable for normal vehicles today. There was a bit of a melt today, but we're supposed to get more snow tomorrow night, possibly 1-3 inches right around 5:00 or 6:00 PM. Great!

Look, I love living in Seattle but I was going through my pictures on Flickr and found this one from Christmas Eve last year...

I'm not saying that I want to be back in California again and being with family at Christmas is wonderful, but it does look pretty good, doesn't it? On the beach with perfectly clear weather on Christmas Eve, what's not to like about that? Death?, pregnant as could be, even waded out into the ocean a little bit that day. It was an awesome day all around.

We're a long ways from that here in downtown Edmonds, though if this stuff melts off quickly, it might look like an ocean in my neighborhood.

My New Favorite Radio Show

2008-12-18T23:25:00.001-08:00

I hate to admit that The Stranger turned me on to something, but after reading their article about the radio show Too Beautiful To Live on Seattle radio station KIRO 97.3FM, I was intrigued. Since then, I've listened to every show and dug into the archives a little bit and I can definitively say that it's my new favorite piece of radio to listen to. Yes, you can count me as one of the tens.

How can I not love a radio show that constantly quotes The Big Lebowski? If I were more talented and could do a radio show five days a week for three hours a night, this is the show that I'd do and I think it's the show that a lot of you would do as well. It's a bunch of pop culture and a bunch of bullshitting. It's perfect for all of us thirty-something blogger nerds.

The clincher for me came last night when host Luke Burbank (an occasional guest on my other favorite radio show, Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me) proclaimed his hatred of the movie Crash. Oh god, don't even get me started on that steaming pile of shit that somehow won Best Picture in 2006, I couldn't hate that movie any more than I already do. So to hear somebody finally say it out loud on the radio, it was actually kind of thrilling. I still hear people fawn all over that pathetic waste of celluloid and I lose almost all respect for them.

Anyway, if you want to check it out, and I suggest that you do, head on over to their website and listen to a handful of episodes. I think you'll like it.

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

2008-12-17T23:53:00.001-08:00

I have one word to describe this episode....Titacular.

Good god Natasha Richardson! Tuck those things in. And with all of her tans lines, she looked like an 70's or 80's era Playboy model (NSFW). I once read somewhere that strippers used to do the tan line thing so that when they got naked and you saw the difference between their normal bits and their naughty bits, it made it even more exciting because guys really thought they were seeing something they shouldn't be seeing. That's kind of how I felt about Natasha Richardson tonight, though I just found it distracting and a little strange as opposed to exciting. Not that she's not attractive, but it was just out of place...

My other word for tonight is...suckfest.

What a disaster some of that food was. Deviled eggs? I love deviled eggs, but even I can make deviled eggs and I'm sure I could spice them up with some little fancy ingredients in a few minutes. The only way she could've won me over with that dish is if one of her secret ingredients was Baconnaise and she made it with that.

And miss bangs - whatever her name is - how is she still there? I'm starting to think that she's the first episode fall guy (I have a theory that they throw out a sacrificial lamb for the first episode just to go down in flames and spare one of the good chefs the indignity) that got lucky even though she has no taste and can't cook.

I want to think that Gene is just going through a rough patch and he'll turn it around pretty soon, but I'm starting to think his restaurant learnin' is going to kill him. On Top Chef, you can't do some of the restaurant tricks that easily slide by novice eaters like cornstarch in a stew or salvaging shitty rice. Those are the kind of things that make restaurant owners love you but makes Martha Stewart cringe.

I'm glad they didn't kick anybody off and I'm really looking forward to the next episode where they are all let loose in the kitchen to do whatever they want. That should be interesting.

And can I tell you how happy I am that Martha Stewart was only on for a few minutes? Thank god.

Screencap of Natasha Richardson's boobies stolen from Adoring Natasha

Today's Post Brought To You By Arby's...And Boners

2008-12-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

Is anybody else really offended by this this Arby's commercial?

Seriously, I'm totally offended. Why would I go to Arby's for a fucking chicken sandwich? Umm...hello...you're all about weird Boooooiiiinnnngggg worthy roast beef.

Dreamt

2008-12-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

I only had a couple of pages left in the book that I was reading late last night, so despite being awfully tired, I decided to head into the office and our big overstuffed chair to wrap it up.

On the very last page of the book, I nodded off. I dreamt of two things: First, the last page taunting me, belittling me, begging me to read it and I, petrified, couldn't do it. Then, I dreamt of unbelievable pain, a pain that just wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. Again I was petrified, completely unable to do anything about anything in my dream.

I awoke hours later - 3:00 AM to be exact - balled up in the chair, the last page of the book inches from my face, and my teeth clamped down almost as hard as they could on my tongue.

Snow Day!

2008-12-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

2008-12-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

So the big news today in the Down With Pants! household is that we have cable and not a day too soon. I got to watch the Gonzaga Bulldogs lay the hammer down on Washington State in basketball tonight and then we sat down to enjoy Top Chef, in real time for once. We bought the season series from iTunes before we decided to get cable so we were watching it a day later and I had to avoid all the blogs the next day that talked about it. Now I wish I could get a refund for that iTunes purchase, oh well.

Anyway, to this point I can't say that I have a favorite. Death? is kind of pulling for Eugene, mainly because he's Hawaiian. Fabio is growing on me despite the fact that I didn't want to like him because I kind of know him from the interwebs already. About a year ago, he joined Yelp and rubbed a lot of the Ventura County Yelpers, including myself, the wrong way with some of his reviews and weird promoting of his restaurant and whatnot. Whatever, I think it was all a misunderstanding anyway and gradually he's winning me over.

And I can't really say I dislike anybody either. Stefan seems like a dick and Carla is strange. That whole "Hootie, Hoo" thing tonight was too much. You know those couples that people can't stand to be around because they share their personal language and inside jokes too freely with you or they don't know they are doing it? Yeah, that's Carla with her "Hootie, Hoo." But even those two I don't dislike necessarily. Stefan fulfills the arrogant almost villain role nicely and Carla seems to be genuinely nice and pleasant.

This week's show was probably one of the most predictable episodes of Top Chef that I've seen, until the very end. Eugene had barely been mentioned in any of the other episodes - last week he was on screen for maybe 20 seconds - so you knew right away when he was getting a lot of airtime, he was bound to either win big or be on the bottom. And then Daniel, Carla and him started making their food and it was pretty obvious which team would lose.

But what I didn't see coming was Daniel getting kicked off because he opened his big fat New York mouth and said too much. By all rights, Eugene should've been the one gone because it was his idea and he messed up the most, but Daniel stood up for the dish when nobody in their right mind would, and at that point, they had to show him the door. If he would've said, "I didn't think it was good" or nothing at all, he'd still be there.

I take it back, I did see that coming. All the New Yawka guys on the show eventually get the boot because they said something stupid. It's basically become a Top Chef tradition.

Blog Culture Box Wednesday: The F#@king Economy

2008-12-10T00:13:00.000-08:00

If it's hard to ready, click image to bigify

Thanks to Jonathan, Suebob, Dave and Becky for their responses. I think I touched a nerve with this one - sorry Dave!

Now it's your turn. Please feel free to leave your answers in the comments...

If you were given a $700 billion bailout, what would you do first?
How will the Big 3 CEO's get to Washington next?
What's your fallback career - Stripper, sign twirler or professional blogger?
Finish this sentence: My 401K...

And as always, if you'd like to participate, leave me a comment and let me know.

UPDATE - I just realized that my answer to the CEO's question doesn't make any sense. I'm too tired to fix it, so it'll just have to go on making me sound stupid.

I Miss Ponch

2008-12-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

You know one thing I miss about California? Sure, the weather, but also this...

Fucking Ponch selling hellholes! (click here, here, here and here for old Estrada posts)

So the question is, when the cable gets turned on at my house, will Erik Estrada come with it? Do they show these infomercials in Washington? Do they even show them in California anymore?

I certainly hope so, because I can't get enough of this guy's taught neck waddle.

Quick Baby Mama Review

2008-12-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

Um...I did not sign up for heartwarming, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. The trailers made me expect raunchy, stupid, silly and probably just plain wrong. Too bad every single part of the movie that was all of these things I had seen before...in the trailers. Seriously, I've never been so disappointed by being happy for characters and not being grossed out as I was watching Baby Mama.

The Cable Returns

2008-12-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

Four months of living without cable is coming to an end next week. Yes, we finally gave in and decided to hook up the old boob tube despite trying to talk a big game about how evil television is. Who are we kidding? We like TV and even though the majority of it is mind numbing crap, there are some good things to watch.

Example - one of the biggest reasons we broke down is because we get really bad reception on our rabbit ears here and we don't get a PBS station right now. So, no Sesame Street for Addie in the morning. Addie loves puppets. In particular, the puppets on one of her Baby Einstein videos and almost any of the puppets on The Muppet show, which I'm more than happy to show her. I think Sesame Street and Big Bird and Cookie Monster and...oh boy...El-frigging-mo are going to be right up her alley.

By the way, I caught one episode of Sesame Street recently and I was amazed at how much Elmo has taken over that show. I haven't seen Sesame Street since Elmo became popular so I had no idea. I think the Elmo's World segment lasted a good 20 minutes. For anybody that watches Sesame Street with any regularity: is that normal? Does Elmo own Sesame Street now? If so, I'm not looking forward to it at all.

Anyway, we also miss shows like Top Chef and Project Runway and Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs and I miss watching Sportscenter every morning. The Soup will once again become regular viewing and I'll watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report in real time instead of days later on the computer. These are all good things. But what I need to do to, and it's been one of the hardest things for me to do with TV, is to just turn it off when there is nothing on that I want to watch instead of flipping around and just watching something.

I think these four months have taught me how to do that. I used to leave the TV on all the time as background noise even if I wasn't really watching it. Now, especially with Addie, it's a distraction and there are better things to have on as background noise than the TV. I've got an iPod full of music just begging to be listened to.

So wish me luck as we venture back into television. Is there anything that I've missed over the last four months that I need to check out?

It's An Edmonds Kind of T-Shirt

2008-12-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, I created my first t-shirt on Zazzle! More to come later...

make custom gifts at Zazzle

UPDATE: Zazzle is acting stupid as I post this, so if it comes up blank, I'll fix it in the morning. If not, enjoy!

Good Reads

2008-12-01T23:12:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've started reading at an unusual (for me) pace. The lack of cable and frequent trips to the library with Addie are making it happen. Here are just a couple things I was thinking about tonight as I read...

I just finished Marc Acito's How I Paid For College. Though it's written like a high school theater geek would write and that occasionally annoyed me, it's still very funny and very fun and if you are looking for something light and high school-y, I recommend it.

Death? is currently reading the Twilight series and she said the same thing about it's writing. But in the end, both of us enjoyed the story enough to look past that occasional annoyance.

I read the sequel to How I Paid For College - Attack of the Theater People - first without knowing it was a sequel. It's also a lot of fun, but it would've been better had I read the first book. Although, I don't know, maybe it would've been a letdown.

Dave Zirin has quickly become my favorite sportswriter. The People's History of Sports in the United States is a fascinating look at how closely politics and sports are and have always been connected. And if you think sports is just fun and games, you have been thinking wrong. This book will seriously open your eyes.

I think for the first time the Civil Rights Movement really hit home for me while reading The People's History. I knew a lot about it, but it was never put into a context time wise that I could really visualize. To put it into a sports context brought it home to me and made me completely realize how it didn't take place eons ago like it seems to me but just years before my birth. These horrible, terrible things were still being done in my parents lifetime and even into mine. Also, it's hard to imagine a time when athletes were politically involved in a good way, but it did happen. Anyway, what a fascinating book.

I finally got around to reading Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. I always thought that Fear and Loathing would be a glorification of drugs, so I was not prepared for how in the end it turns out to be a indictment of and a eulogy for the 60's drug culture.

I also watched the movie, and the only thing that I thought the movie lost was that feeling that this book and Thompson's experiences were really about the destruction of an era.

People kept trying to add me as a friend on Goodreads.com and I ignored it because I didn't feel like updating yet another review site. But I need somewhere to document these books I'm reading so I've got my account going again and if you want to add me, please do.

I'm currently reading Douglas Coupland's The Gum Thief.

Two books that I kind of hope will be made into movies: How I Paid For College and Coupland's All Families Are Psychotic. All Families Are Psychotic is already basically a screenplay.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I have not read the Twilight series and for now, I'm avoiding them. I don't want to get sucked in.

FYI - No Blog Culture Box this week. Since I took a few days off from blogging, I don't want my blog to become nothing but Blog Culture Boxes, so we'll space it out a bit this week. Plus, I have put no thought into it at all and I usually get it done on Tuesday.

My Mishmash Saturday

2008-11-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

I know everybody loves these weekend recap type posts, soooooo heeeeerrrre we go...

Saturday, in particular was quite the mishmash of activities. It started with Addie and I going to the University of Washington vs. the University of Pacific men's basketball game. UW won handily, 72-54, but more importantly, Addie had a great time. On Friday, we went to the women's basketball game and I discovered that she would put up with it enough to take her again on Saturday to the men's game. She watched a little bit of the basketball, watched all the videos on the scoreboard, liked the cheerleader's pom-poms and just about freaked out a couple times when she saw the mascot Harry - she actually got to meet Harry after the game and didn't like him as much up close. She did poop out by the end, in fact, at the end of both games she got super tired and restless and hard to handle and when we got in the car, she crashed hard. But I learned that it's possible for me to take her to basketball games, just difficult, because I can't do anything like go to the bathroom, have something to eat or concentrate on the game when I'm with her by myself.

After basketball and a quick stop at Taco Bell (I know, but I was so hungry and it's the only drive-thru on the drive home), we came home and met up with Death? and her friend in downtown Edmonds for the Edmonds Christmas tree lighting just after they saw a matinee of Twilight, so of course they couldn't shut up about it (kidding Death?). We saw Santa momentarily, heard some middle school jazz choir sing some carols and saw them light the skinny ass and less than impressive tree. In future years Addie will be all about the downtown tree lighting so now we know what to expect.

Then it was off to Seattle for one of the best Seattle Thanksgiving traditions, Taj Mahal at Jazz Alley. For that last ten years or so, The Taj Mahal Trio plays two sets a night all week leading up to Thanksgiving and the weekend following. This is the third time we've seen him over Thanksgiving, though we'd have probably gone every year if we wouldn't have moved to California. He's one of the greatest bluesmen alive and always puts on an amazing show and if you don't know him, here's one of his best songs...

Following an amazing, beautiful, romantic, fun show by Taj Mahal, what could we do to finish the night off and make it any more perfect? How about watching Pink Flamingos! I'd never seen Pink Flamingos, I'd only heard about it, but nothing that I heard could possibly prepare me for just how obscene Pink Flamingos is. Holy shit! John Waters is sick...awesomely sick. I don't even know what else to say about it other than....Whoa! That is one fucked up movie.

So basketball, tacos, Christmas, blues music and asshole contortions. Now that's my kind of Saturday.

Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T00:04:00.000-08:00

If it's hard to read, click on the image to bigify

Thanks to Howard, Sizzle, Dave2 and Michelle for participating!

What about you? Please leave your answers in the comments...

What's a little known fact about Pilgrims?
White or dark meat?
Finish this senence: Gravy goes good on....
What's one thing you are thankful for this year?

And if you'd like to participate, please let me know.

Hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving!

Work, Or The Lack Thereof

2008-11-24T23:47:00.000-08:00

We've been thinking recently that maybe it would be good to get Addie into a daycare so that she can be around other little kids. Being home all day with daddy is great, but she needs some socialization. An hour here and there of baby story time just doesn't cut it. There is a particularly good one close to Death?'s work that her co-workers use and love and we'd probably both feel comfortable sending her there.

Of course, that means that daddy would need to reenter the job market to help pay for the daycare and because, simply, that I would have nothing productive to do all day if I'm not watching her. While I'd like that for about a week, I'd be pretty bored after too much longer.

Problem is, I have no idea what I want to do. I've been scouring the Craigslist listings and whatnot and nothing at all has jumped out at me. We're not in any kind of rush to get me working, so I have the luxury of taking my time and finding something that is a good fit, but what's a good fit?

My last few jobs have been in the e-Commerce field - customer service, shipping, warehouse, etc. - and while I've enjoyed those jobs, it's not what I ever really wanted to do. My "career" just kind of evolved from a job that I took when I moved to Seattle. So while I'm most qualified to work in that field, I don't really know if I want to.

What I'd most like to do is work in sports or write, but each of those has problems of their own. Sports, generally, is a massive time committment for very little pay. That was the problem when I decided against a job that would've given me an office in Husky Stadium at the University of Washington. I'm not a fresh out of college kid anymore. I can't take a job that pays nothing and live at the ballpark all season long anymore. I'm not willing to give up that kind of time with Addie.

And don't even get me started with writing. First of all, I'm not that good of a writer, so finding a writing job would be hard anyway. But with newspapers failing and the few paying blogging jobs paying peanuts, there really isn't much of a market for writers right now.

Then there's the problem of having a boss. Though my last boss was great, and really all of my bosses have been great, I don't know if I can take directions from anybody anymore. Being my own boss since April has kind of spoiled me. Not taking directions from the higher ups has been amazing. Not dealing with office politics and people's bullcrap all day....so great. (Though, my current boss - Addie - has been the toughest boss of all time, and I have to deal with her crap constantly.)

And honestly, I don't know if I can deal with the prospect of worrying about my job all the time. I have been laid off far too many times and I just don't know if I want to set myself up for yet another layoff. I'm seriously starting to get gunshy about this. With the economy like it is, I've heard of a lot of people losing their jobs lately just in the blogosphere or at least companies that people I read work for. It's not fun getting yourself entrenched in a job and then having it pulled out from under you without much warning. Trust me, I know.

So what the heck am I going to do? Perhaps I should go back to school, become a student. That's kind of like having a job. But what the heck would I study? That's a whole 'nother post in itself. I have no idea.

Luckily, like I said, I have the luxury of taking my time. Addie will be fine without going to daycare and I love being a stay-at-home daddy so it's not like I have to make a decision or settle on something I'm not excited about, but it would be nice to know what I should be looking for even. It would make it all a lot easier and a lot less confusing.

We're Ready For The Apple Cup

2008-11-22T00:30:00.000-08:00

Today is the annual game between the University of Washington Huskies and the Washington State Cougars - better known as The Apple Cup. Unfortunately, this season, it's being referred to as The Rotten Apple Cup or, so I just read, The Crapple Cup, since this is a football game between two of the most pathetic football teams in the country. Rivals.com has done a great job putting it into perspective...

"• The teams are a combined 1-20 overall and 0-15 in the Pac-10. The only win was Washington State's 48-9 victory over Portland State on Sept. 20. Portland State is 3-7 as a member of the Football Championship Subdivision (i.e., Division I-AA).

• Of the 120 Football Bowl Subdivision (i.e., Division I-A) teams, Washington ranks 118th in total offense, 118th in scoring offense, 111th in total defense and 117th in scoring defense. Washington State ranks 119th in total offense, 119th in scoring offense, 113th in total defense and 119th in scoring defense. Washington is 117th in turnover margin, Washington State is last.

• Washington has been outscored by an average of 26 points per game. Its shining moment was a near-upset of then-No. 15 BYU. Washington lost 28-27 when quarterback Jake Locker was flagged for a questionable 15-yard unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty on a late touchdown run. BYU blocked the ensuing 35-yard extra-point attempt.

• Washington State has lost every Pac-10 game by at least 25 points. That includes three shutouts and two more games where the Cougars' only score was a field goal. The defense has been just as bad. Washington State has allowed at least 60 points in four Pac-10 games this year and went through a four-game stretch where it allowed at least 58 points in each game.

• Washington State has allowed a Pac-10 record 533 points this season. With two games left, it's likely the Cougars will break the dubious FBS record of 566 points allowed, held by Eastern Michigan's 2002 team.

• Washington is facing its first winless season since 1890. The Huskies played one game that year – a scoreless tie at Washington College.

• Never before has there been a Pac-10 game between teams with at least 10 losses."

Wow. Even I didn't realize it was that bad. But I'll still be watching. In fact, this might be one of the most competitive, interesting, fun games to watch in Apple Cup history. Nobody wants to lose this stinker and cement themselves as the worst team in the history of the game. It might be an all our war.

Or it might be the greatest stinker of all time. A 2-0 final score wouldn't really be much of a surprise.

Anyway....Go Dawgs!

Thrift Store Fail

2008-11-20T23:23:00.000-08:00

The pride and joy of the Value Village chain - Edmonds, Washington.

Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Vampires

2008-11-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, right? But Vampires are so in right now, I had to get this one done.

Thanks to Justin, Tori, B.E. Earl and Poppy for participating.

What about you? Feel free to answer in the comments...

Favorite Vampire...The Count from Sesame Street, Count Dracula or Count Chocula?
Which do you prefer - to bite or to be bitten?
What's the best way to kill a Vampire?
Finish the sentence, "I vant to suck your...."

As always, if you'd like to participate, let me know.

From The DWP! Archives: I'm Magic

2008-11-18T22:35:00.001-08:00

Did you know that I'm magic? Check it out...

Friday morning I brought a Diet Cherry Coke with me to work. I drank a little bit more than half of it before setting it on my workstation and forgetting about it. We had a leak in the roof above our area and had to move a bunch of boxes around so that our building manager could figure out the problem.

While moving these boxes I must have bumped my workstation ever so slightly and knocked my soda over. I went to the restroom and did some other work and about half an hour later I returned to my workstation and was stopped dead in my tracks by what I found...

Completely freaked out I ran into the other room and yelled at my coworkers to come see what I found. Everybody accused me of setting it up and didn't believe that it could just happen randomly.

Of course this phenomenon is easily explained. But before you start spouting off some kind of scientific crap about center of gravity and whatnot, let me set you straight. It obviously was Magic. I must be magic. There really is no other explanation. These powers that I possess are strong. So you'd best not cross me or else you might find yourself a victim of my magic just like this can of Diet Cherry Coke.

Ask The Pantless Pontificate

2008-11-17T23:34:00.001-08:00

I'm really just a wannabe advice columnist. I don't know why I haven't pursued my true calling a long time ago. Kind of stupid, don't you think. I could be giving Dear Abby a run for her money by now.

I did, a few years ago, attempt to become an advice columnist with my occasional feature "Ask The Pantsless Pontificate". I don't know why I ever stopped.

So here's your chance to get some top notch advice, free of charge. All you have to do is submit your question below and I will be answering questions later in the week. You can remain anonymous, if you like, or you can give me your name or whatever. If you wish to remain anonymous, use my email address (downwithpants@gmail.com) in the email portion of the form...

I can't promise that it will be great or helpful advice, but I can promise that I'll listen and tell you what I think. And isn't that all that we really need sometimes?

So please, ask away! Anything goes.

Mama Maria Kenya - 3rd Annual Benefit Auction

2008-11-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

What an inspiring evening we had last night at the 3rd Annual Benefit Auction for Mama Maria Kenya! I can't thank them enough for putting on such a great event and for all the work that Peter Kithene and the Mama Maria crew are doing bringing essential medical care to the the people of rural Kenya.

Peter was named a CNN Global Hero Medical Marvel award winner earlier this year. Please watch this video to learn more about this amazing man and Mama Maria Kenya...

And thank you to Yelp for getting involved with and promoting such a great charity. Without Yelp, who gave us free tickets to the event, we may have never heard about Mama Maria Kenya. But after last night, my wife - who is in medicine herself and knows lots and lots of people with interests in international medicine, including herself - and I will more than likely continue to be involved in one way or another and we hope to be able to attend the event again next year.

We won one of the items that we bid on in the silent auction, we also purchased a soccer ball to go to the children in Muhuru Bay and a couple of pieces of clothing and we won a gift basket as a consolation prize for the 50/50 drawing that we entered. We wished we could've bid on a couple of the items in the live auction - especially the two week trip to Kenya to see the Mama Maria Kenya clinic and go on safari for a few days that, I think, ended up going for $2,500 - a steal if you ask me. But we couldn't quite swing it this year, maybe sometime in the future.

The dinner portion of the evening was delicious and might've been worth the price alone ($80 per plate). Maya Soleil played some Afro-World music after the live auction and led us all in some African aerobics out on the dance floor. You should've seen your boy Brandon breaking it down! I can really dance when all I have to do is mimic the person on stage.

It really was inspiring to hear about the selfless work that Peter and Mama Maria Kenya are doing, and encouraging to see so many people so passionate and so willing to open up their pocketbooks to support their work.

This sounds really stupid, but earlier in the day, after a trip to Alderwood Mall, I was bemoaning the state of the American people. I had been so optimistic about America the last few weeks until my trip to the mall made me question that optimism. The worst of the worst of American values are on display at a mall in the suburbs on a Saturday. But then I went to this benefit and my optimism returned. These people didn't have to give money to a clinic in rural Africa, they wanted to and for no other reason than it was the right thing to do.

So thanks again to Peter, his wife Katrina and Mama Maria, thanks to Yelp for getting involved, and thanks to all of the donors who made the night successful.

The Fatty and Four Eyes Sports Report

2008-11-13T23:08:00.000-08:00

My actual real life friend, John, wants to join the blogosphere and start a sports blog with me. We talked about it a little bit tonight and decided we're going to do it, so now we need a name. In a flash of memory and brilliance, I know exactly where we need to go with this.

It was anywhere from 1998-2001, not sure exactly when, we were at the Tacoma Dome for a Tacoma Sabercats hockey game. There was a fight, there were some penalties, there was some other ugliness and all that other good stuff that goes along with hockey and it all had to do with one player. So being the fine upstanding young men that we were, and probably fueled by a little bit of alcohol, we decided to head down to where the players from the opposing team came out of their locker room and do a little spirited heckling of the offending player.

So as he came back to the ice, we gave him the business as any good hockey fan should. As he came closer and closer, he locked eyes with us, listening to every word we said. As he passed us, he came up with this very clever and witty retort said in an unmistakable Russian accent:

"Shut up Fatty and four eyes"

It definitely shut us up...until we starting laughing our asses off. Fatty and four eyes? Oh, it was too perfect. He couldn't have described us better. Zing!

So there you go. Our blog has to incorporate the infamous Fatty and Four Eyes slam into the title. It's a sign from Don Cherry himself.

What I still don't understand is this...his name was something really Canadian like Matthew Campbell. Fucker was definitely not Russian. Son of a bitch wasn't even French Canadian let alone Russian. Where did that accent come from anyway?

On another note: I miss the Tacoma Sabercats. I think I'll wear my badass 'Cats jersey tomorrow.

UPDATE 11/21 - Shut Up Fatty and Four Eyes is a go!

Blog Culture Box Wednesday: Bond, James Bond

2008-11-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Dan, Susannah, Grant and Matthew for answering my 007 questions this week.

What about you...

Connery, Moore, Brosnan or Craig?
If you were a Bond babe, what would your name be?
"Now put your clothes back on, and I'll buy you a...."
How do you take your martini?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments.

And if you are interested in taking part in Blog Culture Box Wednesday, leave me a comment and let me know.

Yelp Likes Me, They Really Like Me

2008-11-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

If I do all this blogging and writing for just one thing, I'd have to say it's for the recognition. Not for the friends that I've made or the cheap, super fun hobby it has provided me over the years or just having somewhere to vent and let myself go. Nope, I like awards.

So imagine how happy this made me this morning....

Yep, your boy Brandon is Seattle Yelp's Review Of The Day! How you like me now? Here's my winning review of Paseo...

I really didn't think that Paseo would live up the lofty hype that it has garnered or the expectations that I have put on a sandwich that many claim is the best in the entire country. I really didn't. I've even kind of written off the Fremont location because I didn't want to stand in line for a very long time with the possibility of great disappointment.

But when I heard about the Paseo opening in Ballard, I decided that the time was finally right to give it a go. Opening day would be an event, the lines probably wouldn't be longer than a few minutes, and if I was disappointed, my investment wouldn't be that great.

Now, after my first Paseo experience, my mind is racing trying to find excuses to drive from Edmonds into Fremont or Ballard just to pick me up some delicious pork-y goodness...

"Hey, that's my old dentist. I should go back to him."
"The baby loves the ducks at Golden Gardens."
"79 cent avocados at Top Banana!"
"Gas at Safeway is $3.96"
"Perhaps Centerfolds needs a bear."

So, as you can tell, I loved my pork sandwich. So incredibly tasty. And I have waged a lifetime war against the evils of the onion. I frigging hate onions! But the caramelized sweet onions they use had me gobbling up the ones that fell off my sandwich and onto the paper. That is so against my beliefs and character, I don't totally feel like myself today.

But I do agree with Bella S., the scallops are delicious on their own, but their flavor gets lost amidst all the other good stuff on the sandwich. I'll stick with the basics next time.

Perhaps my excuse to get back down into Ballard should just simply be "ME NEED PORK...ME NEED PORK" Yeah, that sounds good.

To celebrate, I think I might have lunch there today. Anybody in Seattle want to join me?

Hired For Her Boobs, Not Her Attention To Details

2008-11-10T23:39:00.001-08:00

Almost every single Monday night, on my way to soccer, I drive by the corner of 212th and Highway 99. On that corner sits Urban Blend Espresso, a drive up espresso stand that proudly features girls in bikinis - just one of the many sexpresso stands in town - it's all the rage here in the suburbs of Seattle.

And every single Monday night I have noticed that whichever bikini clad babe that closes up the place always leaves the "Open" sign on. It hasn't been off on a Monday night for eight or nine weeks now.

Perhaps I'm expecting a little too much out of a barista in a swimsuit?

Or maybe I have been missing out on "Urban Blends Espresso: After Hours" this whole time? It is on Aurora after all.

My Ikea Weekend

2008-11-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

My whole weekend, basically, was spent Ikea-ing.

On Saturday, we left for Ikea at 10 AM and didn't get back to our house until around 3 PM. That's actually not that bad for a trip to Ikea for us. When we first moved to California, we easily spent five hours in the Burkbank Ikea trying to figure out what to do with our apartment. But we had a plan this time and got it done in decent time.

Too bad we couldn't get everything we wanted in the car. After dropping mommy, Addie and all the crap off at home - 26 miles from the closest Ikea - I had to go back. I left at 4:00 and got home at around 7:30. We then built all the stuff we bought until after 1 AM. Oh yeah, we know how to party.

But it was all worth it because the Down With Pants! worldwide headquarters got a major upgrade...

The old computer room/office/junk room/secret lair is now starting to look like just a computer room/office/secret lair. It's not all put together or organized and the rest of the room is still messy, but it's starting to come along, finally, just four months after we moved in.

So here's to blogging in style and comfort! Cheers! Now I'm sure this blog will take off across the internets. Yeah, the old crappy desk must've been the problem.

BLOG CULTURE BOXERS NEEDED - I need two more people for this week's Blog Culture Box. If you are interested in participating this week or any future weeks, please leave me a comment. Thanks!

An In-Depth Indiana Jones Film Review

2008-11-07T23:37:00.001-08:00

WARNING! INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL SPOILER ALERT!

The Crystal Skull ends with a damn wedding? Indiana Jones gets married?! Fuck you George Lucas. Fuck. You.

Lemonade

2008-11-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

The plan tonight was to go to a college basketball game at the University of Washington between the Huskies and Western Washington. Game started at 7:00, Death? got home at a little after 6:00 so we hightailed it out of the house very hopeful and confident that we'd make it there on time. But rain and traffic and traffic caused by rain meant that we pulled into the parking lot five minutes after tip off and we were both already a little pissed off and a little bit stressed out. Still, after some debate, we decided to go to the game anyway, so we parked, got Addie bundled up and set off on the long, rainy walk between the parking lot and Hec Edmundson Pavilion still confident that we'd get to see most of the game.

Once we got to the arena and turned the corner to where the ticket booths are, it was already 7:15, and much to our surprise, there was a line that stretched all the way across the plaza just to purchase tickets. Ugh. But we were there already, we might as well stay the course and go along with the plan. Another ten minutes passed and we barely moved - thanks UW for opening all of two ticket windows tonight! We didn't expect to get into the game by halftime at the rate it was going, so wet, cold, stressed out, pissed off and pretty much done with the whole thing, we decided to bail out and head back to the car. Things had not worked out and the evening had come to a screeching, disappointing halt. We both were in foul moods and the night threatened to careen into some very bad places.

Addie was hungry and needed to nurse, so once we got back to the car, she sat up front with us and did her thing. Throughout the whole evening to that point, she was a trooper - she loved the rain and the crowds and the whole ordeal. But in the car, she absolutely lit up, sitting in the front seat watching the rain fall on the car, wiping her hand on the fogged up windows, playing with the steering wheel and virtually every other button on the dashboard. She had a blast just sitting in the front seat of our car in a parking lot at the University of Washington on a nasty, rainy, windy night. And all of the frustration, stress, and moodiness that had consumed us minutes before, washed away. We too were having a blast right along with her in that parking lot.

When we finally decided it was time to go, we put her in her car seat and within minutes, she was out, sound asleep and perfectly peaceful. We hightailed it up to Dick's, enjoyed a Dick's Deluxe, fries and a chocolate shake in the comfort of our front seat while we listened to a fascinating author talk about his book about politics and sports on KUOW (A People's History of Sports in the United States by Dave Zirin) and after getting an extra Dick's Special to top it all off and still with a conked out little girl in the backseat, we finally headed for home.

A few minutes into our drive, I looked over at Death? and said exactly what we both had been thinking despite still being a little bit wet, a little bit cold, having our plan go haywire and having seen no basketball, "that turned out to be a really fun evening, anyway."

Blog Culture Box: Election Day Special Edition

2008-11-04T01:40:00.000-08:00

If it's hard to read, click box to bigify

Thanks to Avitable, luna_x, The Fella and Kim for their wonderful answers.

What about you? Feel free to answer these questions in the comments...

If McCain wins I'm....
If Obama wins I'm....
Sarah Palin makes me...
Give me one bold election day prediction.

VOTE!

2008-11-03T23:10:00.000-08:00

Please, for the love of God, get out and vote tomorrow.

I want you to vote for Obama, I want you to vote for Chris Gregoire for Washington governor and I want you to vote No on California Prop 8, but who am I to tell you what to do. If you still need convincing on Obama, please watch Colin Powell's endorsement of Obama...

It doesn't get much more convincing than that. Listen to Colin Powell, please vote Obama tomorrow.

Lazy Meme Thursday: Who and Why?

2008-10-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this little meme from RW....

List your Presidential votes, or non-votes, the candidate's party, explain why you voted that way in no more than four words, and list the guy who eventually won....

1996 - Bill Clinton (Democrat) - I dig his style - Clinton
2000 - Ralph Nader (Green) - Washington was solidly Democrat - Bush
2004 - John Kerry (Democrat) - Bush sucks so much - Bush
2008 - Barack Obama (Democrat) - Calm, cool, smart, ears - ???

So I'm one for three so far. A cool .333 batting average and a hall of fame candidate in baseball, fuck all in politics.

Two of my presidential votes don't make me very happy. I was in college in 2000 and Nader was a nice little fuck you to some people and since Washington was solidly Democrat, I was safe with that vote. But his insistence to keep going is pissing me off and I have to think that my vote in 2000 had something to do with it.

And though I voted for him, I never really liked Kerry and RW is right, we wouldn't be in that much better of a position with him in office than we are now. But I would never vote for Bush and I wasn't about to vote third party in such an important election.

I've been alive for 31 years now and for only 11 of those years has there been a Democrat in the White House - Carter and Clinton. That has to change. For God's sake, get out and vote on Tuesday and please vote Obama. You know it's the right thing to do.

DOWN WITH PANTS!

DOWN-WITH-PANTS.COM

The Kids Are NOT All Right (See What I Did There!?)

Hi!

At-Bat Music for Twits

A DWP! Tradition: The Easter Ham Story

Cranes, Claws, Controversy

Hard Hail, Hard Win, Hard Nipples

Butterflies and Basketballs

The Current

Mortified

Module 4 - Intro To Pop Culture

Happy Birthday Addie!

**SPOILERS** Top Chef is Back! **SPOILERS**

Dr Death? on Too Beautiful To Live

A Snap Judgement Snap Judgement

Special Agent Oso Is Watching

Another 5th Grade Masterpiece: Fairytale Land

Maru

The New Down With Pants!

We Got a Toddler On Our Hands

Plates and T-Shirts

Hi, My Name is Brandon, I Fucked Up Earth Day

New EFUE Poster

My 5th Grade Masterpiece

I Did It!

A DWP! Tradition: The Easter Ham Story

Edmonds Foundation for the Upliftment of Edmonds

Wondering What I'm Doing?

Taking A Little Break

Calvin

Cut

March Madness Recap

My March Madness Gets Even Madder

Commemorating FU & THNX CS&TL RIF

DWP! Yelp Review: Wonder Pets Rescue Inc.

Spring Is In The Air

Holy Crap - DWP! Turns Five Today!

Go Cougs?

Zirconium

Album Cover Meme - The Ultimate Seduction

Jim Henson's Fantastic World

Clap Happy

DWP! Review: Gallagher's Where-U-Brew

Moral Kiosk

Editing For TV Fail

Some Valentine's Day in Seattle Suggestions

Fish & Street Meat

In Vancouver

Northwest University vs. The Evergreen State College

Happy Birthday Adelaide!

Blog Culture Box: Puppy Bowl Edition

Keyboarding and Driver's Ed

Hot Cheetos Phantom: A Letter to TBTL

Winner Winner Pepsi Dinner

What a Day, Huh?

How To Cook A Wolf

Top Chef Recap **SPOILER ALERT**

Blog Culture Box: 2009 Predictions Edition

Baby Dreams

Shameless Commerce: It's a DWP! Giveaway!

Sicko

Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap **SPOILER ALERT**

Wii!

Snowy Soccer Monday

DWP! Year In Review - September to December

DWP! Year In Review - May to August

Down With Pants! Year In Review - January to April

Merry Christmas Everybody!

I'm Over The Snow

My New Favorite Radio Show

Top Chef Recap **SPOILER ALERT**

Today's Post Brought To You By Arby's...And Boners

Dreamt

Snow Day!

Top Chef Recap ***SPOILER ALERT***

Blog Culture Box Wednesday: The F#@king Economy

I Miss Ponch

Quick Baby Mama Review

The Cable Returns

SPOILERS Top Chef is Back! SPOILERS

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

Diet Dr. Pepper Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT

Top Chef Recap SPOILER ALERT